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Original poster

Girlfriend lied about mum being dead.....

42 replies

aaart · 25/12/2022 18:46

I've been with my girlfriend for two years.
Her family live a few hours away.
When we met she told me her mum had died a few weeks earlier.
She said she didn't go to the funeral and only found out after she died and said she died of cancer (my mum died of cancer )
Anyway she hasn't had a relationship with her for so many years.
I met her dad a year ago and he said "how's your mum"
She said "I got told she was dead"
And he replied "I never heard"

Then today her stepdad wrote on her facebook
Merry Christmas love mum
She immediately said I've just found out mums alive ...he put a pic on his story

I think she's never thought she was dead
I think she lied
She tells white lies all the time but this is big
What would you do?
How would you react ?

OP posts:
goodmorningsunny · 26/12/2022 07:42

That's scary. Think about whether you can trust this person going forward. Lying about death is an awful thing to do.

AclowncalledAlice · 26/12/2022 08:22

I met her dad a year ago and he said "how's your mum"
She said "I got told she was dead"

She immediately said I've just found out mums alive ...he put a pic on his story

Where's the lie???
The GF was told her mother was dead and has found out the mother is a lie.
I think the blame lies with the person who told the GF her mother was dead...they are the liar. Seems like you're just looking for an excuse to leave IMO.

AclowncalledAlice · 26/12/2022 08:22

*Alive not a lie.

mrsmarmalade12 · 26/12/2022 08:26

If she said to her dad 'I was told she was dead' I'm not sure she has lied?

Notoironing · 26/12/2022 08:27

@Ginger1982 I have a similar story. My ex lied about a sister who had died who had never even existed. Not just to me but to many people over a long period of time. Had to eventually confess when it got to the point I was meeting the family.
He lies continually about everything and I couldn’t ever trust a word he said. I would run a mile op because you don’t want to waste your life not ever being sure if someone is telling the truth.

Barwickunited · 26/12/2022 09:07

I got a member of my family who up until last week I thought was dead (I’m sure I was told he was dead by a family friend). He’s not because we bumped into each other in a local shopping centre. He told me he had a massive heart attack and surgery but was very much alive and kicking. Sometimes it happens so maybe probe a little more before finishing the relationship

DonutCrossMeIEatYou · 26/12/2022 09:16

How old is she? My friend was a victim of physical abuse by her dad and when at uni she just used to say her dad was dead rather than have to explain the abuse. If your gf has had to deal with something similar I’d perhaps understand it would just be easier to say her mum was dead? Sounds as if she went through a lot quite young if she left home at 16, so I think my instinct would be to have a really serious chat about it all. Start from trying to understand.

GAH3 · 26/12/2022 09:26

What did her dad say when she said she'd been told her mum was dead? Did he dispute it? Or accept it?

It's all very odd, on the face of it there's no proof she's been dishonest.

Beercrispsandnuts · 26/12/2022 09:27

That’s weird, why would her step father write merry Xmas love mum?

Wibbly1008 · 26/12/2022 09:29

Run, like you are on fire and dont look back. This is not normal. This is mad.

Beercrispsandnuts · 26/12/2022 09:30

Wibbly1008 · 26/12/2022 09:29

Run, like you are on fire and dont look back. This is not normal. This is mad.

Wtf? There is no evidence she lied and didn’t think she was dead. What you on about.

CatherineNotSoMuch · 26/12/2022 09:31

What do you mean "she tells white lies all the time "? What specifically do you know she is lying about, and does she know you know she's lying?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2022 09:32

She tells white lies all the time

People who chronically tell "little" lies will tell big lies, too. You should have dumped her already.

justasking111 · 26/12/2022 09:32

DonutCrossMeIEatYou · 26/12/2022 09:16

How old is she? My friend was a victim of physical abuse by her dad and when at uni she just used to say her dad was dead rather than have to explain the abuse. If your gf has had to deal with something similar I’d perhaps understand it would just be easier to say her mum was dead? Sounds as if she went through a lot quite young if she left home at 16, so I think my instinct would be to have a really serious chat about it all. Start from trying to understand.

This in spades. I think people assume my mother is dead. The truth is something that we never discuss it's too painful

JFDIYOLO · 26/12/2022 09:47

I'd want to get to the bottom of it. You know her stepfather hit her and she was still only a child when she left home. Was her mother complicit? Is it a case of 'she's dead to me'? Easier to decide that's the 'truth' than to explain reality? Does she tell white lies if she's frightened, if she feels she needs to defend herself? I think she needs therapy and your choice is whether you want to be there. Some partners arrive damaged.

HiyaCaath · 26/12/2022 10:33

Hard to say whether she has lied from the info given.

I used to tell white lies after a similar upbringing, mine was very violent, lies saved me a beating and it becomes second nature to lie to ease the tensions in a violent household. Took me a few years to change.

Talk to her about it but don’t straight out accuse her of lying about her mum. Could be she was estranged.

HiyaCaath · 26/12/2022 10:34

JFDIYOLO · 26/12/2022 09:47

I'd want to get to the bottom of it. You know her stepfather hit her and she was still only a child when she left home. Was her mother complicit? Is it a case of 'she's dead to me'? Easier to decide that's the 'truth' than to explain reality? Does she tell white lies if she's frightened, if she feels she needs to defend herself? I think she needs therapy and your choice is whether you want to be there. Some partners arrive damaged.

Arrive damaged makes us sound like a box of biscuits.

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