Anyone got any success stories of meeting a partner over 36 and having children?

[namechange1238]

As the titles says really..

I'm really struggling today.. Trying to psyche myself up to permanently end an on/off 8 year relationship with the love of my life. I was married previously (not to him) so I don't say that lightly! Based on his lack of commitment and uncertainty over having children. We've broken up about this before and have had years of these sorts of breaks up and getting back together when his fear of commitment is less than his fear of losing me. I can't keep doing this..

I'm now 36 and after a chemical pregnancy last month he's not getting back on board with trying properly. (Got pregnant last month for the first time ever after trying properly- every 2-3 days). He'd be on board with just seeing what happens but he's got anxieties about commitment and with children obviously being the biggest commitment ever I can't just leave it to maybe naturally happen. I also have premature ovarian failure (seriously low number of eggs left so no idea how long I have left to try and have children... but let's assume no more than a few years) so I can't keep waiting. Possible other fertility issues but at least getting pregnant last month has reassured me a little.

Please don't suggest sperm donor as that's not for me.. so I guess my only other choice is to split up and hope I meet someone else. I do ok on dating apps (been on them over the years of breaking up with him!) but clearly have never met anyone else who's even come close to matching what I have with current partner.

I'm just terrified of ending this with no guarantees of ever meeting someone else who wants what I want with enough time left to have it still...

Success stories would really help

Thanks 😔

My SIL! Baby at 39.

I was in love with someone like this once. It was terrible really. He wasn’t a bad person, but I guess he just didn’t love me the way I loved him.

And that’s the crux of it I suppose - if he wanted to, he would.

I say this in the hope you won’t find it offensive - what if you commit to this man and whatever type of relationship he’s offering, only for him to change his mind and meet someone else? It happens often - all of a sudden the ‘right’ woman will come along, and the man will seemingly change - kids, marriage, the works. And where would you be?

And with situations like that, it’s not always that the next woman they meet is incredible. I don’t even know what it is really - I will never understand men. And I would never bet on a man like yours.

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation as it is painful. But I can tell you that I’m married to a man who never makes me wonder how he feels about me or if he’s committed and it has brought me a lot of peace.

I'm sorry to say that I think you might struggle to conceive naturally.

My experience of IVF was everything 'halving' at each stage.

20 eggs > 10 fertilised > 5 @ day 3 > but none confined to progress.

We ended up using an egg donor at a clinic in Spain.

If you've only got five eggs after several rounds of IVF, it suggests (to me) you're not producing eggs every month (but I'm not a doctor).

With regards to your boyfriend, I think you need to have a very direct conversation and demand complete honesty (he might be trying to avoid hurting your feelings or simply saying what he thinks you want to hear for an easy life) - or he could just be stringing you along because it's convenient.

If you definitely want kids and he doesn't, he's got to go and you need to decide on your next steps - single parent? Co-parenting arrangement? hope to meet somebody quickly enough?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

OP make it your new year's resolution to ditch the flake, get your head straight and get out there online dating. If you meet anyone promising, set your stall out re. kids from the outset. The good news is that at this stage in life, if you do meet someone it can all come together quite quickly - you don't fanny about like you do in your mid-20s.

Yes! Single mom to DC was was 5 at the time so we harder to date.

Read "calling in the one" which helped me realise what I wanted though I was so happy with DC and my life in general. So was he.

Met online (ES), I was 37. Engaged and married within a year. Now very happy with three DC (pregnant first try both times age 38 and 41). Easy pregnancies for the most. Bags of energy despite having 3 DC and no family help e tc. Kids now 11, 5 and 2.

follow your bliss.

The one good thing is that I'm 99.9% sure I'm ovulating every month as I have a hormone monitor and I get my LH peak and other ovulation symptoms etc. Also every time I've had scans etc I've had at least one follicle etc. I think the point is I'm only getting that one egg every cycle, whether natural or egg freezing so I won't get much better chances of getting pregnant via ivf than natural...perhaps...although I guess at least I can have the embryo (if I get one) scanned for abnormalities. Ive got at least 1 egg every cycle (natural modified ivf). I have felt like I wanted to go straight to IVF tbh but now I did get pregnant the only time I tried "properly" I guess I would feel more calm about just trying naturally for longer...IF OH was on board with trying properly again but it doesn't seem he is...

Your situation is different OP as you have told us you have decreased fertility. When I met DP I was fresh out of a two year relationship but had no fertility problems. So it was easier for me to have my son (I had secondary infertility but that’s another story).

I think you’re feeling incredibly stressed and your partner is no doubt feeling your mood and reacting negatively as well. I don’t think you should leave an eight year relationship to chance your arm on OLD. To me that’s the quickest way to feel a thousand times worse than you do currently.

Somehow you need to take the pressure off. I’m sure your life currently is being obsessed with cycles and sticks. If you could find a way of focusing on anything else I know it would help you both.

It happened to me, too - met my now-DH when I was 37, pregnant at 38 and delivered DD a week after I turned 39. Then we eventually got married when I was 43!

Me! Met partner at 35.started dating at 36. Married at 38. Had Ds at 39 and DD at 41

Hi, I'm sorry your having such a tough journey. It must be a worry having only one follicle producing eggs when you are thinking about having children.

Remember you only need one embryo to have a baby and I know many ppl have been successful with one or two transfers.

I don't mean to be a pessimist but I just wanted you to see my experience as I do think the time for you is now. I suspect your eggs have not yet been fertilised?

Basically my experience of multiple rounds is that a third won't fertilise, a third won't make it to day 3 that do get fertilised and a third won't make it to day 5 that make it to day 3.

I've had well over 30 eggs from multiple rounds collected and only made 3 transfers, unfortunately unsuccessful.

I'm only saying this as I think sometimes people think IVF will definitely work and they can keep holding off. The chances of successful fertilisation are much higher with eggs under the age of 37 - I was older than that for every round. I wish I had started sooner.

Have you looked at the fertility board?

thanks, yes I've been on the infertility board since I got the news of the diminished ovarian reserve when I was 34 and trying to sort out freezing my eggs for the first time. I know ivf is no guarantee for sure...I guess its a bit more hope though and control than leaving things to chance...

I guess I need to give an ultimatum really when I get the chance to speak to DP properly in a day or so. I'm terrified as I don't think I'll hear what I want and I'll have to actually follow through with breaking up with him for good 😞When just over a month ago i was pregnant with him and felt it was all falling into place finally...

My 16 year marriage ended suddenly in 2003 when exdh cheated. I was 36 and alone, we hadn't been able to have kids (male infertility)
I though any chance of kids and a new relationship were over.....
January 2004 I met someone (wasn't looking, very unexpected). We married in August that year and dc1 was born in the following June, DC 2 arrived in 2007.
We are still happily married.