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Original poster

I really don’t think I can get through tomorrow

27 replies

blackheartsgirl · 24/12/2022 23:18

anyone else feeling bloody awful about Christmas Day and all that it brings.

don’t come at me, I had some awful news today, my mum is also rather poorly with cancer,
Found out this afternoonmy aunts cancer is terminal and it’s my second Xmas with out late dh.

now my adult ds is being an absolute arse about tomorrow, refusing to make plans until this evening then expecting me to change the entire day to suit him (he does have some mental health issues so it’s all very difficult)

I’ve just had a panic attack, yes I actually have, my heartbeat is all over the place.

I feel sick.

anyone feel similar, any calming techniques?

OP posts:
Icantremembermyusername · 24/12/2022 23:22

Can you have a bath? And do a mental agenda for the day.

Baths are my happy place where I have time and space to relax and juggle potential scenarios in my head.

If this isn't helpful, I hope some one with more appropriate advice comes along soon.

Cleaneve · 24/12/2022 23:23

I’m so sorry for all you’re going through and how you’re feeling right now.
calming technique I use is:
Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. ...
4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. ...
3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. ...
2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. ...
1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste.

if I’m in the mental state for it I try to think of things I’m grateful for but when under stress this can be a lot to ask.

Montague22 · 24/12/2022 23:24

I find doing something calming. So a walk round the block, or lay the table.
Or a glass of water sipped slowly.

Tomorrow will be over soon, it’s such a tricky day anyway. Sorry about your mum and auntie. Sorry you’re missing your DH. X

Aquamarine1029 · 24/12/2022 23:24

Don't pander to your son. Agreeing to his demands will not help him.

buddhasbelly · 24/12/2022 23:28

So sorry for everything you’re going through.

some techniques that have helped me:

  • just do the next thing in front of me. That could be brushing my teeth, putting on pjs. If I think about the day in it’s entirety then it’s too much.
  • grounding: name one thing I can see, one thing I can smell, touch, hear before my mind has gone into overdrive
  • Distraction: name every country I can think of going through the alphabet

take care OP x

Thistlelass · 24/12/2022 23:30

Hi. I am sorry to read what you have been going through and I am not surprised you are feeling stressed. If you could tell us what you are 'supposed' to deal with tomorrow then perhaps we can make suggestions.
It occurs to me to say just plan to take care of yourself, don't put yourself under pressure etc. Life is really not that easy though us it?
I think it may help you just to tell us how the day is planned out x

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/12/2022 23:31

The box breathing method is good for panic and anxiety. (Goggle it)

I am sorry it’s shitty. I know it’s easy to say but are you able to hold some boundaries with your son and not get pushed around by him?

I hope you have a peaceful day and time to yourself

Choccolatte · 24/12/2022 23:33

That sounds so so tough. You are doing brilliantly by asking for help. I used to get panic attacks all the time yoga Nidra really helped me. www.google.com/search?q=15+minute+yoga+nidra&oq=15+monute+yog&aqs=chrome.4.69i57j0i10i512l8.5633j1j4&client=ms-android-xiaomi-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 24/12/2022 23:33

I had a bath earlier, I love a bath. I was so chilled, watched two films with the dds and then ds starts.

I was coping. I was ok.

prob is ds will turn up when he wants and with whoever he wants. He is very very chaotic.

inhave crochet, will try that. And that grounding technique. My hearts all over the place

OP posts:
Choccolatte · 24/12/2022 23:34

That's a link to 15 minute ones but can do longer ones. Basically deep relaxation

Goawayangryman · 24/12/2022 23:35

That would send anyone over the edge.

You're absolutely not alone. Christmas is oh so great normally. If things are not right, it's misery on steroids.

Tomorrow, stick whatever food you've bought in the oven and open a couple of bottles of wine. If you son turns up, great. If not, then you get double helpings and free run at the TV remote ;)

ScarierThanBoo · 24/12/2022 23:36

The advice from cleaneve is brilliant, it works on panic attacks very well. If you're asking for tips on coping with tomorrow as a full day you could write down what your plans are for the day (even if it changes) as it puts all the anxious thoughts in one place.

I'm a big fan of the Alphabet Game when I'm stressed about things beyond my control too.

Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 24/12/2022 23:42

My son has a gf who is lovely but as chaotic and problem filled as he is. The last couple of months she cannot leave the house due to severe anxiety. He’s refused to be patient with her and can’t see her side at all (he has asd/adhd but he’s still an arsehole with it.

he’s hates change and as he’s always come here for Xmas day he cannot change it. He was unable to answer if his gf and her dc were coming (I still don’t know)

he then informed me.. tinight that he will be round at 9 am and he’s bringing my granddaughter. I again didn’t know this. I have dc of my own, one with asd herself, and another with anxiety and adhd who hates change herself and our plan was to have a quiet few hours to ourselves in the morning. He’s kicked off big style screaming at me that I don’t fucking care about him and he’s the least favourite I have pains down my left armsqueezing pains

OP posts:
Awrite · 24/12/2022 23:44

There's lots of breathing techniques but the easiest to remember is:

  • take a long, slow, deep breath in and hold it for as long as possible and then very slowly exhale
  • x 4 or 5.

This always helps when I'm feeling anxious.

For tomorrow, I've written a note on my phone when general timings. Working backwards from turkey coming out of the oven.

It will all be fine.

Awrite · 24/12/2022 23:45

With general timings, not when.

Stupidpeoplesuck · 24/12/2022 23:55

Can’t really add anything to help, but just wanted to send a hand hold for what you’re dealing with and anticipating.

Your mental health is more important than everything else, so you could make tomorrow about you, and finding something to comfort you through the chaos. Whether that’s a bottle of wine, or having a cheesecake for breakfast, please go easy on yourself.

Worriedmama23 · 24/12/2022 23:57

Sending a massive hug to you, you can do this xx

fghj149 · 24/12/2022 23:58

Another hand hold ❤️ thinking of you and remember it’s just one day. Xxx

Bestcatmum · 25/12/2022 00:01

OP christmas has always been an extremely difficult time for me due to parental abuse and neglect and even as an adult I can't cope with doing it.
So I just don't. I don't do gifts, cards, decorations or christmas in any way, shape or form. I spend the day watching tv and doing a craft hobby I love.
Its so much better than havig to struggle through a difficult day.

Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 25/12/2022 00:04

Thank you all so much.

my dd1 20 has just come in to give me a hug and talk me down a little, she told me that we are all going away next Christmas and she will be hosting me and her 2 sisters at her uni digs as I need a break from all this shit she said.

im looking forward to Boxing Day.

I’ve just had some water

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 25/12/2022 00:05

That's a lot to cope with. Are you able to see your Mum & Aunty over the next few days?

I started having panic attacks after my Dad died, For me going outside helps, even if it's just to put stuff in the recycling, taking something to/from the car, wiping the headlights, removing any rubbish. Taking a drink outside. Box breathing or similar, but not inhaling holding my breath & exhaling slowly, that makes me worse. If you can't go out if the house, even for a couple of minutes with the girls, then even standing in the doorway helps.

son,gf,couple of kids and no plans, I wouldn't stress too much. Do dinner at a time that suits you & the girls, they can reheat a plate later if they want it.

there are things you can & need to change, but that's for another day.

try to enjoy moments rather than focussing on the whole day.

best wishes xx

Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 25/12/2022 00:15

I did see my mum and aunt today for a few hours, we usually have a little get together on Xmas eve. We both decided years ago that Xmas day was far too stressful with different things going on and because they both live 5 doors away from each
other my mum, stepdad and my aunt have a quiet day together. I totally get this and I respect it.

thank you all, it’s helping, I will try and break the day down and enjoy the moments. Everything including the veg was done today so don’t have to worry about that either

OP posts:
Original poster
blackheartsgirl · 25/12/2022 00:17

I will do dinner for half two and sod everyone else

OP posts:
sashh · 25/12/2022 00:55

Yes do that, make your plan and he can fit in around you.

Your daughter sounds bloody brilliant.

And in 24 hours it will all be over.

Pismascrescents · 25/12/2022 07:39

Breathing exercises really help. Everything is OK. It’s just a day. You will get through it and you will be OK.

I always make a list of positives- things that are going well, that I am happy about etc. It takes some work but focus on the positive.