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Original poster

Grandad (in-law) who always calls me fat...

41 replies

CupOfAnxieTea · 23/12/2022 20:23

My DH's Grandad loves to make comments every time he sees me about my weight. Things like... is she pregnant again? Or she's put on weight hasn't she? Never to my face but always in ear shot.

I was wondering if anyone could help me with how to tackle this if it happens again when I see him over the Christmas period? I'd like to shut it down so that it doesn't happen again. I don't want to be rude but I do want to get across the point that I won't accept it anymore.

The family always excuse it by saying that's just the way he is but I'm tired of taking it.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 23/12/2022 20:24

Don’t go.

And make it clear why.

Hoppinggreen · 23/12/2022 20:25

How about just saying “wow, that’s rude” or similar?
The family probably won’t like it though, these people aren’t generally challenged but in your shoes I would still totally do it

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/12/2022 20:27

The family always excuse it by saying that's just the way he is but I'm tired of taking it

'Oh, so he's just a rude ignorant twat then? good to know.'

To the bloke himself, I'd be walking over and say 'I can hear you, you know. Care to say that to my face?' and the hell with being polite, Christmas or not.

Judgedbycats · 23/12/2022 20:28

I suppose you could respond with something like, Does he know how long he's got left?

That'll probably shut him up. Or at least you won't get invited back for a while.

mamabear715 · 23/12/2022 20:29

'I can always lose weight.. you'll always be rude..'

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/12/2022 20:32

mamabear715 · 23/12/2022 20:29

'I can always lose weight.. you'll always be rude..'

Also a good one.

insufferableknowitall · 23/12/2022 20:33

What a miserable old fart

Blondlashes · 23/12/2022 20:33

DH had this issue with his DF.
He got his courage - although in this situation your DH should be defending you - and telephoned. He clearly but politely explained that if any comments are made about his weigh on any visits he, myself and the DC will immediately leave. It could also be done by letter or text message.
We have never had to carry this through as no comments have been made. But if they were we would leave
Worth a try?

userxx · 23/12/2022 20:34

mamabear715 · 23/12/2022 20:29

'I can always lose weight.. you'll always be rude..'

I can always lose weight... you'll always be a cunt.

It will work a treat 👍

maria2bela1 · 23/12/2022 20:35

This may be an unpopular opinion...BUT...With the experiences I've had with families and challenging people etc, the best thing to do with older people is just not to confront them, and if it's really upsetting you, don't go. Don't get me wrong, he should be told to f* off, but if you confront him, people will make YOU out to be the bad person...Trust me I say this from experience. Especially if he's not saying it to you directly. Sometimes it's better to play victim and if he confronts you directly, say 'I really am trying to lose weight, it's so difficult'..so someone else tells him to shut the hell up.

girlmom21 · 23/12/2022 20:35

"You can talk" - lets him know you've heard and he can't say you're being rude because you're only saying the exact same thing as him.

lunar1 · 23/12/2022 20:36

I just wouldn't go.

Blueberrywitch · 23/12/2022 20:37

Judgedbycats · 23/12/2022 20:28

I suppose you could respond with something like, Does he know how long he's got left?

That'll probably shut him up. Or at least you won't get invited back for a while.

😂😂

DarkDarkNight · 23/12/2022 20:38

Why don’t you want to be rude? He doesn’t care about being rude. Maybe he needs a short sharp shock.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2022 20:38

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · Today 20:24
Don’t go.

And make it clear“

Nope. Why would you do that? Who gives a shiny about what he thinks?
Take him aside, tell him he’s a nasty fucker and you just won’t tolerate his bile anymore. Look him straight in the eyes as you say it.
If he doesn’t listen to you, repeat in front of everyone else.

Blueberrywitch · 23/12/2022 20:38

Blondlashes · 23/12/2022 20:33

DH had this issue with his DF.
He got his courage - although in this situation your DH should be defending you - and telephoned. He clearly but politely explained that if any comments are made about his weigh on any visits he, myself and the DC will immediately leave. It could also be done by letter or text message.
We have never had to carry this through as no comments have been made. But if they were we would leave
Worth a try?

This is a good approach. And that way you don’t have to spend the whole day ready for a confrontation AND you give them a chance to “do the right thing” and be aware of their words, on the small chance that they weren’t already.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/12/2022 20:39

Sometimes it's better to play victim and if he confronts you directly, say 'I really am trying to lose weight, it's so difficult'..so someone else tells him to shut the hell up

That gives him an opening next time to say 'See you've not managed to lose any weight then.' People like him love having a victim. And the family aren't going to tell him to shut up, they humour him.

Original poster
CupOfAnxieTea · 23/12/2022 20:40

Blueberrywitch · 23/12/2022 20:37

😂😂

Show quote history

This one made me laugh out loud too!

Loving these ideas - thank you, I feel like I will have so many good responses that I will end up blurting them all out and then leaving at this rate 😂.

I do appreciate the advice about being careful not to end up as the bad guy too - that is a good point.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 23/12/2022 20:40

Just say "did you mean to me unkind". And move on

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/12/2022 20:42

maddy68 · 23/12/2022 20:40

Just say "did you mean to me unkind". And move on

She already knows the answer to that is yes he did, because he thinks he's being funny and clever and no-one ever calls him out on it, so he gets away with it.

FurAndFeathers · 23/12/2022 20:43

I hear making inappropriate personal comments is an early sign of senility

Toomanysleepycats · 23/12/2022 20:44

What about something along the lines of

Sorry, did you say something?
Can you say that again?
Sorry, what did you say?
etc, etc,

Say it nice and loud and friendly, but walk towards him, while looking him straight in the eyes with a death stare.

ChestnutGrove · 23/12/2022 20:44

DarkDarkNight · 23/12/2022 20:38

Why don’t you want to be rude? He doesn’t care about being rude. Maybe he needs a short sharp shock.

Agree

Original poster
CupOfAnxieTea · 23/12/2022 20:45

Blueberrywitch · 23/12/2022 20:38

This is a good approach. And that way you don’t have to spend the whole day ready for a confrontation AND you give them a chance to “do the right thing” and be aware of their words, on the small chance that they weren’t already.

Show quote history

Very true, thanks for this @Blondlashes

OP posts:
Original poster
CupOfAnxieTea · 23/12/2022 20:51

ChestnutGrove · 23/12/2022 20:44

Agree

Show quote history

Totally get this point and it takes a lot not to be rude back - but I am a sensitive person and this can sometimes be viewed as a weakness, so I wonder if it's best to remove emotion from my response - to appear detached and take the high road if I can. When I got upset about it in the past the focus was more on my sensitivity than his rudeness. Hope that makes sense.

OP posts: