Grandad (in-law) who always calls me fat...

[CupOfAnxieTea]

My DH's Grandad loves to make comments every time he sees me about my weight. Things like... is she pregnant again? Or she's put on weight hasn't she? Never to my face but always in ear shot.

I was wondering if anyone could help me with how to tackle this if it happens again when I see him over the Christmas period? I'd like to shut it down so that it doesn't happen again. I don't want to be rude but I do want to get across the point that I won't accept it anymore.

The family always excuse it by saying that's just the way he is but I'm tired of taking it.

My uncle was like this. He once said to one of his daughter's friends (when they were teenagers) "Is that one of them jogging suits, Alison?"
And when she said yes, he said "D'you not think it's time you started?"
My mother (his sister) thought it was hysterically funny. My poor cousin, his daughter, was mortified, and l imagine the poor girl was too.
I don't know if she ever went back. My cousin's said to me since "They both had the (surname) tact and diplomacy, didn't they?"
And this is why people like that get away with it. Because that's how they are, or how the family is, so if you have a problem with it, that's your tough shit.
I just wouldn't go back. And l'd expect my OH to back me up, and tell them why. There's no need for you to put up with crap like that. It's rude, nasty and insensitive. But if you retaliate, they don't like it. My mother never did.

my sister used to do this to me. I tried everything - including looking at my watch and laughing about how quickly she had trotted it out on that occasion. The family responded similarly to yours. I eventually told my mother that, since this was happening in her house, I would not be coming back if she did not do something. It stopped. When telling my mother I used to the broken record technique - it is not acceptable. No, its not acceptable. I hear what you are saying but it is not acceptable - etc etc.

-Are you pregnant again?

• Are you offering?

and make strong eye contact while you a it. I've found it shuts them up.

Sorry you've had experiences too. That's the thing isn't it - when people excuse it you start to wonder if you should just let it go and put it down to personality. As I've got older I've realised there is no excuse - it's just really rude. I've got a mirror - don't need any more reminders!

Id say quite loudly...unless you're my GP you dont get to comment on my weight.

Shame him. You're not lying, but it will leave others thinking there maybe a medical issue, which is generally not to be commented on publicly. He will hopefully feel like the twat hes being.

Both laughed and vomitted 😂

What would Nessa do?

What would Nessa do?
Have him up against the wall with his arm up his back, hissing "You worthless of shit!" through gritted teeth.
Go on, OP. Do it. :D

I had a similar situation with two aunts (who wore girdles back in the day). One day I said very clearly, “took you 5 minutes this time! You owe me £10 sis” and laughed. They tried to make light of it just being their way and they meant nothing by it but I said it was fine as I had an extra £10 in my purse now ;) Never happened again but I expect they still said it on their way home!

Don't wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

If you give as good as you get you'll be blamed for the fall out as the family will close ranks.

One that has worked for me is to reply, ooh Bernard - OUCH!

Or to say, Bernard I couldnt help overhearing that, could you explain the joke? No, still don't get it, could you be clearer, what did you mean?

Agree with DP that one more comment out of him and you will pick up your bag and your keys and leave and if he wants a lift he'd better be quick.

These people don't deserve your energy

Fortunately I knew how toxic the family system was so never doubted that they were being arseholes! You are on to something - as we get older we just realize we dont have to keep the peace at our own expense. The other thing I have done in the past is stop what I am doing and walk over to the within earshot person and ask loudly 'what did you say?'. And then tell them what they have said is unacceptable and rude and they need to not say it ever again.

When he says something in earshot ask him to repeat it directly too you - "what did you say Grandad?"
If he then repeats "I said you look fat/pregnant"
say "Oh wow, that's really rude/inappropriate, isn't it?"

Hahaha I love that

Come directly to him and ask if his dimentia is kicking in more or was he being just a jerk

Just say 'he's looking much older all of a sudden, bet you're looking forward to the inheritance eh??'
If that makes me an insensitive cunt I don't care. I'm sick of ignoring and excusing rude twatty behaviour just because someone is old. Particularly old and male.

You don’t have to be polite to a rude person.
Say firmly “that’s very rude”. Say the same to anyone who laughs or makes excuses for him. And get your DH to support you - if he continues to insult you, you leave, and say you’ll visit them again if the old man stops being so unpleasant.