A thread of solidarity for those with Christmas guests

[Champagneforeveryone]

DM is arriving today, DH has just gone to collect her. Our relationship is normally OK, but due to some extremely dubious parenting on her part we've never been close.

Currently she's astounded and quietly appalled that the trains are busy and there's been a delay. She had also made vague noises about sending gifts down via courier but then left it too late, so tomorrow will require a trip to town <screams>

Added to the mix, DS is home from uni and his GF will be joining us from Boxing Day. DM is mildly racist and GF is not British. Dm also disapproves of wokeness and the general silliness of young people, so we're all in for a treat when she finds out GF is actually trans.

I intend to spend the next few days in a state of mild inebriation 🍷

@lollipoprainbow ·

Same here, well there is just me. We should be able to hire out in laws, grumpy Grans etc or take on someone's spares!

I’m ecstatic to have just me and Dh here for Christmas. It’s the first time he’s been properly off for Christmas in years. I spoke to dm earlier, she has family round tonight, the big do is at a family member’s house tomorrow-almost 20 people. Boxing Day is all the same people at her sister’s. I’m delighted to be home!

MIL was awful to me yesterday, DH agreed she was. Part of it is we think is the early stages of dementia. It’s very complicated overall and she has now had three outbursts over small things that have exploded in to absolute meltdowns in the last few months. She is then perfectly ok like it never happened. Two of them have been directed at me.

@Champagneforeveryone ah yes the drifting about, mine insists on bringing her own rubber gloves, washing up brush, blender and a myriad of other stuff that we do actually have.

@CallieQ I bet there are people moaning about their parents and in laws all over the world! It is certainly not an issue restricted to this country.
My parents are gone now too but I can still emphasise with the posters on here!

Update. FIL arrived an hour early while husband was out. In fact, had just gone out. An hour of stories about his new girlfriend whose boobs are apparently very good for a 70 year old (with hand gestures), and use of the phrase “black as the ace of spades” to describe someone’s skin. FML. He’s halfway through a magnum of red already & that’s on top of the two coffees, yet no pee yet. Like an elephant.

@Champagneforeveryone weve swerved having guests to stay this year but this thread is making me laugh and remind me why I put my foot down..The thing you said about the stuff everywhere…this is my in laws! After 5 minutes in the house, STUFF everywhere and the kitchen always looks like a bomb has hit it 😂…it makes me nervous and anxious. Also someone else upthread mentioned their MIL can’t sit in silence and has to talk constantly about what food they are making and when we are eating …so we have the same MIL 😂😂. Constant talking, can’t sit in silence even when we watch TV and if it’s clear no one wants a convo (often I get a book out) she has taken to sort of muttering to herself under her breath. When they left last year I felt so exhausted like I’d run a marathon.

Quiet Christmas for me, but this thread is making me giggle out loud while I have a soak in the bath and think of all the stress I won't have to deal with Good luck one and all x

@MardyMincepie haha are all the in laws on this thread from the same in law factory…maybe it’s an age group thing. Ours turned up to ours for Xmas last year with pots, pans, half the kitchen which duplicated stuff we already had. Then she went out and bought a load of mixing bowls and mugs, which we already had so to this day I’m stuffing all these extra mixing bowls in the bloody cupboard…we never use them and don’t have room for them 😂

On our trip to purchase the facial waxing strips, we also bought a toilet roll holder and a long handled duster type item. Plus various small items. Apparently they won't have them in the part of the uk she lives. Imagine, a medium sized city with no B&M or Wilco.

I'm never sure whether the point is to make sure she's bought so much she can't get home on the train. I've said I'm not driving both ways on the return journey (3 hours each way if you're lucky), so she'll need to get the train.

She had talked of getting the train up to Scotland, so I'm sure she can get the train on the much shorter journey home!

Argh. She's doing the elder equivalent of mansplaining. As in, sitting enjoying a meal I've made, she explains how I should have made it. Looking at my decorations, she'll tell me how I did my decorations. It's exhausting.

MIL only lives 15 minutes walk away but for some reason DH insists on her staying over on Christmas Day. We have to avoid politics with her, so I’m sure I’ll be posting here tomorrow 😁

Had the in-laws and my parents last year. Quite frankly they were all here far too long (5 days) and outstayed their welcome. Patience was pretty frayed by the end!

Tomorrow we are just doing our own thing and it feels lovely so far!

Hope those of you with annoying relatives get through it as unscathed as possible.

You do know that in 30 years you are going to turn into these annoying relatives don’t you?

I reckon I only need 20 🤣. But I'm determined i won't be annoying in the same way. I'll create new and inventive ways!

We don't have a choice!

mardymincepie I have vague suspicions re dementia, but nothing obvious yet. There are now mutterings about giving up driving thank fuck which is possibly sensible.

picklemewalnuts I feel that my Christmas celebrations can finally start now I know the waxing strips have been purchased 😆

DS is at work and sensibly is in no rush to return. DH is watching Love Actually with DM (which she's "never seen before", we had the same conversation about Gavin and Stacey yesterday as well) I'm lurking in the kitchen "prepping" - this broadly comprises of drinking, juggling two excited dogs and an indifferent cat and preparing food.

There seems to have been a conversation between DS and DM about the GF. It appears that despite her obvious failings, she falls outside the category of The Gays, immigrants or Muslims. This epiphany only has to last until the early hours of the 27th so we may be fine. She has made vague threats to kill GF if she breaks DS's heart, but I think this is probably theoretical.

Of course you have a choice

What a horrible thread! I pity all your elderly relatives and wonder if your own kids will begrudge hosting you in 20 years time.

My mum is angry at me because I said I wanted to stay home this Christmas with just my husband and children but they are welcome to come round at any time they want to see us.

Also she’s mad because I don’t get on with my sister and I’ve said I want a nice peaceful Christmas without any animosity.

So I’m just ignoring the lot of them and having Christmas just with my immediate family. It’s so bloody peaceful I wish I had put my foot down years ago.

DH and FIL have gone off to the pub and left me with MIL. She won’t stop talking at me…….. I’ve heard all about her friends daughter’s acrimonious divorce and all the ailments of people in their village…. TV doesn’t work. She just makes derogatory comments about everyone and is driving me demented….. Early night for me I think (when DH gets back from the pub…)

@sashagabadon I'm pretty sure mine won't mind having me. I might get pleasantly dotty, but I'm extremely unlikely to behave like my mother. I actually have a relationship with my children, I know- and care- what they like and dislike, pay attention to their needs and willingly compromise.

My mother on the other hand has never put anyone else's needs, before her own preferences.

Before assuming we're all nasty, consider whether you've been blessed with family that give a monkey's about you.

My mum gets a damn good deal here with me- waited on hand foot and finger, listened to, looked after in every way. She's unaware of our frustration, and thinks the food and drink comes via house elves.

Sounds absolutely lovely. A wonderful Christmas with your dd, I would love a quiet Christmas like that.

Took longer than I thought

I'd love to have made the meringue we'll want to eat in a few days. I'd love to have made a wreath with the greenery I picked. I'd love to play a board game with my kids, or watch something on the tv I like. I'd quite like a coffee, without making DM one with 'just a bit of milk, no more than that, oh no not that much! Actually you know I think I'd like tea'.

My FIL just asked me how they celebrate Christmas in the part of the world that I belong to... I am not white, but have lived here all my life!