Stuck in the UK- please tell me some positive things

[DownInTheDumpster]

Have name changed as I’ve spoken to a number of friends about this.
We were meant to be moving abroad in the New Year. DH and I put huge amount of work, time and money into the move- new jobs lined up, new schools for DC, had started learning the language. Couldn’t wait for a break and a change and to live somewhere new.
We have had a sudden diagnosis of a condition in one of our DC and also one of our parents has been diagnosed with a life limiting illness. After many tearful discussions we have accepted this week we cannot move abroad, not at the moment anyway.
Im devastated. I’ve felt so low recently with the state of the UK and I couldn’t wait for a clean break and to move somewhere different.
Please can you tell me why you live in the UK and why it’s a good place to live. I’ve been awake night after night so upset and gutted our dream hasn’t worked out, as well as being sad and worried for our families health issues.
I wanted so much better for my kid and I feel I’m letting them down raising them in this depressing time. I keep seeing local adverts for homelessness and kids going hungry and cold and just don’t want to live in this country right now.

You know how things are done in the UK. Other countries will have their own issues and they will often be a surprise to you.

We have relatives abroad. They live in a nice city with good leisure options e.g. near mountains and the city, cheaper childcare, better health care, nice climate etc.

On the other side, I don't really like the food they are known for, it is harder to get certain foods, food shops are closed on Sundays, taxes are higher, there are different expectations e.g. when it snows you have to get up early and shovel the pavement outside your house, their schools finish at 1pm unless private, which is tricky for working. This is a slightly random list of things I have noticed visiting them or speaking with them.

I'm sorry you have had the opportunity taken away from you, however you are lucky the opportunity to stay and use the NHS is there. I had to go to A&E at the weekend and waited hours, but I did manage to see a doctor who could diagnose my issue for free on a Sunday evening.

Being close to family makes things easier in terms of supporting each other. Moving abroad can cause issues later if some of you want to return and some want to stay.

I agree with limiting how much news you read when feeling fragile.

A lot of European cities have incredible health care!! Far superior to the NHS. Maybe it would be better for your child? Obviously it doesn’t work for your parent. I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling low, but understandable given the sudden change. Sending big hugs.

OP was probably going somewhere with clean water that isn't in the middle of a famine.....

I'm sorry to hear about your parent and your DC health issues.

I've lived overseas in and can confirm that in my experience Utopia isn't out there. You've not had a perfect life snatched from your grasp.

There are social issues everywhere, to a greater or lesser extent and we are so so lucky in the UK.

Turn off the radio news, treat yourself to a Spotify account and fill your ears with good stuff instead, same goes for papers and shitty TV. Stop doom scrolling through Facebook and Instagram listening to people moan, we aren't known as whinging poms for no reason.

Change your focus, look for the good and you will find it. Volunteer for a local charity that works with women and children who have fled her, that's a good little perspective provider.

Love this - I would also add the countryside. Beautiful scenery here

*here

I lived abroad for many years and returned to the uk about 8 years ago. The grass is not always greener, I loved living abroad and thought I'd stay there forever, but the health care was shocking, unless you paid and the corruption another level - this is in Europe. Since returning one of my children has had their life saved by the NHS, and I'm not joking when I say I'm thankful everyday we were living here when it happened. The poverty I see around me today is still not at the level I saw where I lived abroad where benefits are nonexistent.

How about this? We're one of five countries most likely to survive a global breakdown apparently 🤷🏽‍♀️

newseu.cgtn.com/news/2021-08-01/Which-countries-are-best-suited-to-survive-a-global-systems-breakdown--12lPuAWQt5m/index.html

Whereabouts are you and where were you moving to?

Nice list and agree

We came back and still hanker after our previous life (immensely better health care, better attitude to work life balance, better natural parks/wildlife). However, the aspects we love here are:

Easier to start and run a business
Preferable politics, no history of extreme parties (We were in France with the worrying rise of Melenchon and Le Pen)
Education system

The big killer for me was that despite many years with lots of friends and speaking the language really well I never felt I belonged. We were always known as The English. Brexit only served to highlight the conditional aspect of our existence. In the UK you will always have a right to live, exist. No one will question why you chose this country and not another. If you have a regional accent, people might not understand every word you say but it will not undermine your legitimacy to residency.

I live on France - this would be my list too (but I'd add shopping - especially bookshops, waitress and charity shops)!

Baroness Mone, Andrew Bridgen.and that's just the one's in the news this week.

Providing you are both British and white. Finnish DIL had an awful time after the Brexit vote so they have moved there. When you have random strangers in a supermarket hearing your accent and telling you to "fuck off home you Polish bitch" it doesn't make you feel welcome. So that's 2 highly qualified people lost to the UK.

Yes this . With bells on.

This poster has put it politely. I would have not .

Hence why I quote this post.

Give your head a large wobble op. Then when all is well , and you do leave, please do close the door on the way out.

Hi op I grew up in a very rural part of England in the 1970s/80s. I remember the so called winter of discontent very well. I went to London University and landed up in the middle of the Thatcher government's recriminalisation of homosexuality, I was just coming out as gay at the time. I was and remain a left winger politically. We fought the tories and lost repeatedly despite the fact we were right.
I graduated into a recession and a fractured education system, I wanted to be a teacher!
And yet I had the time of my life! The UK always has problems, in 1803 everyone thought Napoleon would invade and conquer us just like he had done to so many other countries.
I don't have much advice just that I think the tough times I grew up in actually equipped me for instability and struggle, which has been very helpful .And remains so today.
We did have awesome music in the 80s, which helped.

Despite our current political problems, this is still a good place to be.

• A peaceful, modern country
• beautiful natural landscapes which you can access. We have footpaths and bridle paths everywhere and you can just go for a walk - you don’t have to go to a special area to do that. We’re so lucky to have this!
• There are still places with a real sense of community, where people support one another. I live in such a place, but it’s not unique. (I’m sure that’s not just a British thing btw, but I know it’s here).
• The NHS is battered and bruised, but it’s still here. I have a child with ASD and yes, it’s a fight to get him support, but at least it’s a fight I can have. No one is trying to institutionalise him or shuffle him out of school.
• You are never more than 70 miles from the sea! And beach trips are just as fun in winter as in summer, imo
• You know the culture here and the system. No trying to navigate an unfamiliar system in a crisis.
• The UK has really good air connections, so we can travel to other countries for visits pretty easily.

Chin up, op. You just be gutted, but my mum always says that what’s for you won’t pass by you.

Living abroad, whilst an adventure, is tough. Getting to understand culture is a long process and it's tiring to keep up with it!
The amount of choice in the UK is also amazing. In terms of what's on offer in the shops, restaurants etc. A lot of countries only really stock their own cuisine in the shops and if you want even something as normal as soy sauce or curry paste you have to go to several different shops to hunt it down and many things just arnt available. The UK is an international culture and it's great. These examples may sound trivial but honestly the small things about living abroad can make it exhausting at times.

Has no one mentioned Premier Inns?!!

My DIL is American. She came to the UK for University 8 years ago. She absolutely loves it here . She came from California to Wales. She loves the people,the environment, the opportunities. She also loves the lack of guns ,our politics, the way women are treated here compared to the USA. She loves our paid leave, the NHS and our maternity leave opportunities. If she and my son have children they will be born here and raised here.

I think you need to stop watching the news. I moved from an EU city to the UK this year and I've had experience in both in my time - the grass is definitely not always greener.

Every country has homelessness, poverty, sickness, bureaucratic malfunction and corruption. It's just, if you ,ove abroad, you somehow feel less respopnsible for it.

Yes Uk is up shit creek relatively speaking. But we do still have free at point of service NHS - which must have been a deciding factor for you when you found out your child was ill. We have relatively temerate climate - no volcanoes and tsunamis, earthquakes and tornadoes.

We have free, brilliant museums and galleries. We have beautiful safe countryside and seaside which children can run around/swim in freely without danger of death from poisonous snakes, spiders, alligators.

We have gorgeous wildlife. One of my greatest pleasures is watching spotted and green woodpeckers, redwings, fieldfares, parakeets and bluetits feed in my garden every morning, deer in frosted fields, foxes curled up under the apple tree.

Our country is very far from perfect and I feel about it as you do. I'd love to live abvroad right now. But there are many things I'd love and miss. You won;t regret spending time with your ailing relatives, or having your child treated for free in a country where you speak the language and understand what the medics are saying.

For those getting defensive I am not bashing to the UK- we are lucky in many ways. The NHS- I am a nurse and there is SO much wrong with the NHS. I actually feel quite nervous to have both family members treated by such a broken system with such long waits. The NHS is free and has amazing staff but it can be incredibly challenging to get consistent good care especially for chronic conditions.
I know there are no utopias out there I think it's just the opportunity being taken away which is so hard. We currently live in the NW of England for those asking and were moving to a town outside of Amsterdam.

Having lived in the UK, the Netherlands and currently living in Asia the things I miss about the UK compared to the other two places are:

the beautiful countryside - where I currently live is tropical and objectively stunning in places and parts of the Netherlands are very pretty but nothing beats England’s rolling hills IMO.

grocery shopping - loveeeee UK supermarkets, the selection, quality, ease and value for money (I know the cost of living is driving up prices, but that is happening in Holland too).

the people - Brits by enlarge are kind, polite and funny - a great mix and not one to be taken for granted based on where I’m currently living.

the diversity - the amount of people from all over the world who live in the UK, and the fact that you can go to a restaurant of pretty much any cuisine or find most international products without too much stress.

the cultural scene - there is so much to do and see and usually it’s accessible to people (free/cheap tickets to museums/shows etc).

I fully understand the disappointment you must be feeling though and I think it’s okay to let yourselves grieve the lost opportunity/ adventure. However I would say the Netherlands will still be there in a few years time when hopefully your family’s health issues have been managed and the timing will be better for your move. Good luck!

Absolutely this!