If you had your children later in life, how are your fifties going?

[Trackerbarsyum]

I was 40 when I had DS, and am expecting a second baby. I will be 43.

I would not change it, but I am conscious my fifties will look different to many of my friends - even those who had children at 35ish will have children approaching the end of their time at secondary and mine will still be at primary.

I suppose I’m wondering how it will go, whether DH and I will want to retire at 60 but want to see youngest through university… be interesting to see how people who are ahead of us are

I am 60 with a 21 year old. I feel physically fit and healthy and I do think DS has kept me young and it has been a very positive experience being an older parent. Less financial worry, less worry about climbing the career ladder, not feeling like I was 'missing out' on travel and adventures as I did a lot of that in my 30's. I periodically think about retiring but the thought of doing that just at a time when DS leaves home more permanently is, I'll admit, a bit terrifying - I think I'll probably keep going for a while until I get used to him having his own home.

Interesting question. My fifties have been spent simultaneously parenting and caring for an ageing parent - that's been challenging. Along with being at what ought to be a high career point except I never have time to do the work. I'm hoping I have time to regenerate when ds leaves school by which time I'll be 57. But plenty of my friends have retired at 57-60! My state retirement age is 67.

I had our DD just before I turned 40. She’s now 10 and I’m 50. I had a bit of a mid life crisis when she was about to turn 2. I was walking home from playgroup with her, I could feel my belly hanging over my size 16 jeans and I got out of breath walking up the stairs. I decided I needed to do something so started exercising and sorted my eating out. I feel so much fitter at 50 than I ever did in my 30’s.

I try not to dwell on the future too much and I still make a conscious effort to try and stay healthy so I’ve done what I can to be around and as well as I can for as long as I can.

I’ve found it hard..now 54 with a 14 year old daughter and the last 8 years have been really hard due to challenges with elderly parents health problems (and mum’s death) and similar challenges with in laws. Daughter sometimes gets lost in it all as my job is stressful (teacher) and husband away a lot with work. I think I pretty much sleep walked 2014-2018…
Its hard as your “mum friends” are all a chunk younger than you and don’t always get your references and your peers have gone past the young children stage and kids are at Uni or living elsewhere- sometimes hard to find someone else who “gets” where you’re coming from.

I had mine in my 20s and my first GC when I was 50 so can’t speak from experience….but I’m guessing it must be hard dealing with aging parents and young children….but this might not apply to you

Had several children in my 20s and then a late addition when I was nearly 42. I didn't find much difference when she was young to be honest. I'm now 59 and so far feel she has had far more opportunities than my older dc as we are financially better off. It has been hard with her going through puberty, teen moods and exam stress while I deal with the menopause. My dd was an aunty aged 5 so I am also providing childcare for my youngest gc (I have 5 so far) as well but I'm lucky I have been generally pretty fit. My parents are very independent and active in their 80s, so I'm not having to provide care for them yet. I'm hoping to have inherited their genes (dad still plays golf and they have very young outlook on life) and still be able to be actively engaged with my kids and gc for a couple of decades at least.

Amused at school gate to find "nice mum" I'm talking to turns out to be a Gran.... can't comment beyond that.

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. My kids are 13 and 11 now.

I know this is obvious, but because it's all I've ever known, I have very little to compare! My parents are in their late 70s now but v active and relatively healthy. I'm aware that won't always be the case, however.

The one thing that's often at the forefront of my mind is the need for me to stay fit and healthy - not just for me, but for my kids and my lovely parents. I'm not bad on that front - but definitely a little work to do on that front after Christmas! And that's no bad thing.

I meant to mention.. one 'challenge' is dd11 going through puberty, and me at the other end in perimenopause. That's an utter joy for the boys in the house 😬

I’m 54 with a nearly 14 year old. I had breast cancer when he was 7. I’ve had a hard time living with the effects of that and just the general slowing down of being in your 50s. In some ways parenting is easier, we are ok financially and he’s not a difficult teen. But lots of our friends have freedoms that we don’t have, they are retiring and going on holiday in term times etc…

However he’s the light in our lives and we adore him.

We had one per decade. 80's, 90's and the 2000's So now have one in his 30's one in his 20's and a 17 almost 18 year old.
In my 50's I was still very active and full of energy. Now I turned 60 I'm starting to slow I can feel it.
I feel like I've been parenting forever. Dh says we finally get the house to ourselves next year (Hello Uni) after having at least one if not more in the house for the last 34 years.
Not sure what he has planned I'd like a holiday with just us.

My 51 year old friend in the USA has twins just turned four. She has another set aged 20 now at uni.
It's fascinating to watch her life play out on Facebook. She's loving it. But they're wealthy and she doesn't need to work.

Had my youngest as a surprise at 38 he’s now 14 and I am almost 52. I feel having teenagers around is helping keep us young and I am dreading the time they leave home. Only seems like yesterday I was pushing a double buggy with a toddler holding on to the sides of the pushchair .

We had our son when I turned 40, he's now 13 and has severe learning disabilities. I'm tired, but that's probably because of the additional effort involved in everyday life with him. Being older has definitely helped when facing up to the various agencies to get appropriate levels of educational and social care for him.

I feel like this - had my DS when I was 40 and he's now 16. The main issue for me is university and how that affects work plans - if it wasn't for that I'd try and retire in a few years. As it is I want to continue until I'm about 62.

I will really miss my DS when he leaves home - I do feel it's kept us younger and more engaged with things.

I did have a major wobble about 8 years ago which was prompted by menopause. HRT has helped me enormously.

I was 37 when I had our DD. She's now hitting puberty just as I'm entering menopause at 50, which can trigger challenging moments at times! 😂But having a teenager in the house makes me feel young and I know more about current music and TikTok dance trends than is possibly healthy. I am starting to experience the pressure of having elderly parents with growing needs though, so I can see the next few years might be a tough juggling act.

It seems combining young (ish) children with elderly parents is a challenge for many of us. My own parents are dead but DHs are alive, will be interesting to see what happens there.

I had my one dd at 43 - I'm now 60 with a 17 year-old about to go to uni. My main concern is our health - and then money. I had breast cancer when she was 15-16 and dh has ongoing health problems. My top worry is her losing one or both of us young (and it's a big worry). As for money - we both have new full time jobs just as our peers are winding down. We have not been clever with money so might have needed that anyway - but also to help dd over the next few years. I've made an effort to keep fitter - and having a teen at my age definitely keeps you young in some ways. My local friends are generally younger - met through school. With my older friends I am a bit out of sync (some are gps now) but there are a few with kids about dd's age - it's so much more common these days. Sometimes I feel tired - but I think I've always been like that - with phases of low energy. I'm sad thinking of her leaving home but OTOH eager to see her get on with life and become independent (before we croak...). The hardest part, in my 50s - was the professional hit when I went PT.

We our in our late fifties with a 16 yr old, it's worked really well for us. We don't have older children as well though, I think it is different if you have a second family later on as you've been parenting for a lot longer.

We live a fair distance from family so don't have a frequent caring responsibility there, and I didn't personally find any issues with the puberty and menopause clash as other posters have mentioned. I was a SAHM for ages and DH worked, then he had a good offer that enabled him to retire and I went back to work full time. DD has been lucky to always have one of us around to run her to school and her out-of-school activities. Late parenthood may not work for everyone, but it's fab for us!

It has been hard with her going through puberty, teen moods and exam stress while I deal with the menopause

This.
Truth told, I am knackered.
I feel too old for this shit most of the time.
Love my kids of course but conscious that I am a little old lady compared with their friends' mums.
Also - and Covid brought this home to me - am conscious that I have to make it to 64 before I can peg it. Even then, I worry for them.
Add on to that, screwed pension and insecure finances.
I should have had them younger.

My friend is 49 with a 7 year old. She finds it harder energy wise but easier mentally (we've talked about it..). She had 2 kids when she was in her early twenties so she's a good one to make a comparison.

I had Dd at 42. She’s lovely. I never really felt knackered caring for her, and any mum friends were about my age.

The 2 hardest things for me were:

1. your body starts to pack up in your 50’s in ways that you can’t imagine earlier. I had a very physical job, and had so much trouble with feet and overall pain.
2. In your late 50’s you just want to retire. Work becomes much more tiring. You want time to slow down, but you have to keep supporting your child.

My Dd has ASD. Although she’s very high functioning it’s another thing to be aware of.

But we love her so much. The other 3 have left home. But we still have her at home. She fills the house with laughter and fun. She’s 16. And despite tiredness etc, she’s the light of our life. She went out last night, and Dh and l pathetically missed her.

We have both sides in our house. We had DC when I was 26&28 and DH was 44 & 46.

I've just hit 40 with 12 & 13yo DDs and peri-menopause. DH is 58 and hides in the garden a lot! His 50s have been a blur of small DC, ill parent and work stress so he's hoping things will calm down a bit now.

Financially it will be tight through the university years as he will be nearly retired by then. But really I think most of our concerns are health wise, I could brush that off 18 years ago when we met, but it does worry me more now.

I’m 54 with a 19 and 16 year old. Among my close friends it’s not so unusual to find us raising younger teens in our 50s but realistically that is probably a lot to do with us seeking one another out and remaining friends due to the common nature of our and our kids’ ages. As others mention above, I face the challenges of caring for an aging parent alongside raising teens - we’ve not had a family holiday since 2019 because we can’t leave my Mum on her own for that long so my younger teen in particular has missed out. My biggest concern right now is financing my younger teen’s university plans as I would like to start planning retirement.

I'm only slightly ahead of you, I had my first at 38 and then twins at 40. DH is 6 years older, and is now 55 to my 49 years.

I think that it's a a juggling match sometimes, and he looks at friends with envy as they discuss early retirement plans to Italy, but due to fertility issues we didn't get much choice!

We don't know any different to be honest! Although I can see that the younger dad's might be slightly more active with football etc He takes them on bike rides and swimming etc

Definitely had a great life before, we had careers breaks, travelling the world, we are financially secure, with a small mortgage and mostly don't feel like we are missing out on the likes of night outs. I do wish I could still hop on a plane at the drop of a hat and go explore places, but that would have been the case at any age!