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Original poster

What happens at your book club?

65 replies

Volumous · 18/12/2022 09:48

I recently joined a book club through a loose friend (I love reading). I read the recommended book, and had lots of thoughts about it.

However, when I got to the book club night, one of the women basically smirked at me and said they don't always actually read the book, it's just an excuse to get together and to drink wine really. I then had an awkward evening because I didn't know anyone and had nothing to talk with them about.

Have I missed something here? Am I being an earnest wally turning up ready to have a (lighthearted!) talk about literature? What do you do at your book clubs?

OP posts:
Rogue1001MNer · 18/12/2022 11:06

I agree with @PermanentTemporary, you need to start one @Thereisnolight
Find a couple of people who might be interested and meet in a pub or something.
Then look to grow it a little.

I'd say 6 - 8 is ideal.

Bizarre post from @isitdoinasnow, but each to their own.

Also agog at the person who has sex at their bookgroup

EspeciallyD · 18/12/2022 11:11

Ours is online, we meet via zoom. None of us knew each other before we started it about three years ago, its mums from my DC's school, we live over a wide rural area and have a lot of commitments that make it hard to meet in person regularly. One of them put a message on the parents FB group and we set up a whatsapp and zoom meetings. Usually the first half an hour is general chat as everyone joins, then we will have a proper discussion about the book (we all, always at least attempt to read it, although occasionally some don't finish it). Then we move onto what else we've been reading or watching on TV, podcasts that sort of thing. We chat quite a bit on whatsapp in between, there are about 8 of us and we do feel
quite close now as friends. Generally if someone hasn't read the book they don't bother with the meetings, there wouldn't be much point. Its definitely about the books not just the socialising.

ApolloandDaphne · 18/12/2022 11:15

Most of us read the book but we accept that some people might not manage to complete it. We also do a film every second month as it is quicker to watch a film. We have Prosecco and nibbles, discuss the book/film but inevitably get side tracked into gossip and chat. None of us take it very seriously. It's just a fun way to catch up.

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ReviewingTheSituation · 18/12/2022 11:19

We meet once a month, in a pub. Same pub, same table, same time. We take it in turns to choose the book (there's a rota). Meetings go like this...

10 mins or so - small talk/chit chat
5 mins - everyone scores the book out of 10
20 mins (maybe more depending on how varied the views are, and how many people are there) - chat about the book, why it was scored the way it was, key themes or thought provoking bits, parallels with other books/real life/societal convention as relevant, chooser reveals why they chose it.
5 mins - reveal of the next book

30 mins or so - more general catching up/non-book chat/general conversation

We probably have about 15 people in the group, but there are normally about 5-8 there each time. People who have read the book but can't make the meeting generally give their score and a couple of thoughts on the FB group.

I probably read about 4-5 of the books each year, so only go to those meetings. Sometimes people go if they haven't read the book, either to hear what people thought, or just to be social.

At Christmas, we have a book secret santa where everyone takes a wrapped book and comes away with a different one.

It has a good balance of structure and informality. People come and go, new people join (generally friends of current members) and people drift away. Works for me.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 18/12/2022 11:20

Thereisnolight · 18/12/2022 10:42

How do you join a book club? Apart from knowing friends who have one but isn’t that more of a social friendship group?

I’d like to join one where they actually do read the book and chat about it and THEN chat about other things and where everyone enjoys reading. Have tried one or two advertised online, eg Meet-up but either dozens of people show or only a couple show - it’s too random.

Any tips much appreciated!

Your local library/book shop may run one. That’s how I found mine.

BamBamBilla · 18/12/2022 11:21

I'm part of book club group on discord. Every month suggestions are put forward and we vote for the book that month. There is some chatter in the thread about the book and they'll be a video call set up for anyone who wants to chat about the book. But there is about 600 people in the group from all over the world so there isn't any pressure to join in for every book and not everyone does. There are other threads about general chatter too. I've not met anyone but made some great friends.

KittytheHare · 18/12/2022 11:25

isitdoinasnow · 18/12/2022 10:33

I left mine as it was too serious and they were expecting me to have read the book in full and wanted to discuss. It depends on the group I guess.

Hardly seems an outrageous expectation for a book club?

SallyWD · 18/12/2022 11:25

I joined a book club that was a big group of friends and I only knew one person. We do discuss the book (and other books in general) for perhaps 30 minutes and then the rest of evening is just general chatting and socialising. I'm a really slow reader and I often have only just started the book when we meet. Often some of us haven't read the book at all when we meet but it's OK because it's night out and we just listen to others talk about the book.
For me it's a social thing but books definitely play a part!

SallyWD · 18/12/2022 11:26

KittytheHare · 18/12/2022 11:25

Hardly seems an outrageous expectation for a book club?

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😂True!

isitdoinasnow · 18/12/2022 11:27

@Rogue1001MNer It's hardly bizarre. I have ADHD so reading a full book can be very challenging. I still like books and reading but I can't always remember what I've read or am able to discuss extensively.

SlagathaChristie · 18/12/2022 11:28

I don't think @floorcushion is going to elaborate on her book club's sexcapades. More's the pity.

isitdoinasnow · 18/12/2022 11:31

KittytheHare · 18/12/2022 11:25

Hardly seems an outrageous expectation for a book club?

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@Rogue1001MNer I didn't say I thought it was outrageous. I respect what the group's about and left as I didn't want to bring it down. I was looking for something a bit more light hearted, where if I hadn't managed to read the book, it would be ok and not frowned upon. I have ADHD. I love books and reading but it takes a really long time to read a book in full.

PegasusReturns · 18/12/2022 11:34

My book club is just an excuse to catch up, but I would like to belong to a more serious one.

MrsPnut · 18/12/2022 11:36

I run a social book group, we did have a hiatus from 2017 when numbers dwindled but rekindled it this year.
We are very upfront about it being a social group, 90% general chat and 10% about the book but most of us manage to finish the book.

Hosting is offered round and usually it’s linked to need due to childcare. The next book is chosen at the meeting - we often look for 99p kindle deals to keep it affordable and we advertised on the village Facebook page so have lots of lovely new members that wanted a way to make friends.

Thereisnolight · 18/12/2022 11:36

Thanks for the suggestions!

Greatly · 18/12/2022 11:46

FloorCushion · 18/12/2022 10:34

We meet at 8pm, drink wine and posh nibbles, spend 85% of the time not talking about the book, then someone remembers it’s a book club so we talk about it for a bit, then it’s tea, coffee chocolates and sex, then we go home.
The host for the next book club chooses the book.

Yeah this is what my book club was like. It was a glorified gossip club.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/12/2022 11:49

You just need a different book club

SquirrelFan · 18/12/2022 12:07

I belonged to two for a long time - one was wine, chitchat, and 'oh yes! A book!' The other is herbal tea, serious book discussion, bit of chitchat about mutual acquaintances. The first has given up all pretence of being a book club; now we just get together for drinks and meals. The second is still going strong, but no one is chastised for not reading/finishing the book - it's understood that we all have busy lives! However, the person who hasn't read it insists that discussion not be hindered due to them-so they often hear spoilers!

midsomermurderess · 18/12/2022 12:32

Has anyone read this piece by Rachel Cusk about her experience at book club? I think her presence was rather daunting.
www.theguardian.com/books/2005/aug/20/featuresreviews.guardianreview2

dontgobaconmyheart · 18/12/2022 12:43

Sounds awful OP. I've always liked the idea of a book club but have never convinced myself to actually join an in-person one because I worry about exactly that kind of thing, or it being awkward in general.

I just want to have others to buddy read books with and gossip about them/discuss the writing and themes interchangeably.

What do you like to read? I do find online book clubs much better for this though obviously they have their failings too and in depth discussions are a challenge.

Veryactivenymphomaniac · 18/12/2022 12:46

It became obvious after a few years that I was not going to be asked to join the established village book group, not sure why, I knew a few of the others really well and they kept saying I was next on the list but newcomers to the village were invited ahead of me.

I'm a sensitive soul and this upset me lots more than it should have so after a few years I just started my own - it's way more fun! Just asked a few friends and they asked a couple more - there are 7 of us.

We had a Secret Book Santa this week, it was lovely.

Rogue1001MNer · 18/12/2022 13:19

Good for you @Veryactivenymphomaniac
Your bookgroup sounds lovely.

Mind you, with your UN you'd be a hit with @FloorCushion's group as well 😉Xmas Grin

donttalkaboutbookclub · 18/12/2022 13:41

I'm considering joining a new book club setting up in our village as they are having a first meeting for anyone interested. So this discussion is very good for me to read - it's obviously what you make it! I'm very opinionated about books and I'm always worried I will overstep and be offensive when I get carried away talking about a book. I'm reluctant to join a club that has too many rules but then again I do want to actually talk about books as well as have a general chat.

Purplepuddle · 18/12/2022 13:42

Greatly · 18/12/2022 11:46

Yeah this is what my book club was like. It was a glorified gossip club.

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Books, wine, chocolate and sex! I need to find these groups 😂

melchim · 18/12/2022 22:45

Definitely need more information about the post-coffee book club sex.

At ours we have dinner and someone has prepared questions about the book (usually found online), we discuss for 30 minutes or so then spend ages discussing what the next book will be.

We have a mix of men and women, and it's rare that people wouldn't have read the book.