Do you think people who reject 'normal' life are more, or less, happy than the average person?
I guess a conventional life would be something like this:
- You marry, invite all your friends, and put the photos on social media.
- You get some qualifications, use them to get a job, then build a career, working your way up the ladder.
- You buy a small starter home with your partner, then save for something better.
- You have a couple of kids.
- You have a group of friends and various social media accounts, through which you 'share your journey' through life (or, if you prefer, 'compete and show off').
- You belong to the community, getting to know the neighbours, joining the Parish Council, going to the local pub, etc, where you talk about your kids and your career.
- You retire and enjoy your grandchildren.
(OK, OK, not everyone passes through those exact stages. And you don't need to tick every box to be conventional.)
How about people who reject that sort of life? I mean people who choose not to have kids, not to take on a mortgage, not to pursue a career, etc. Do they regret it? I'm not making any judgements here btw. I don't care how people live, so long as they don't hurt anyone. I'm just curious as to what kind of life makes you happy.
Based on my own observations, I think what counts is authenticity – living the life you truly want to live, and not the life you feel you ought to live. For example, I know people who really wanted kids, had them, and are very happy. I also know people who didn't want kids, didn't have them, and are glad they didn't. It's the people who cave into pressure and pursue a career to please their parents, or have kids because their friends are all having them, who seem to be miserable. It's the same with socializing. I know introverts who have very few friends and would never set foot in a pub. Yet they seem perfectly happy, much happier than they would be if they forced themselves to socialize in order to 'be normal'.
I suppose the core problem is money. Even if you don't care what other people think of you, and are determined to live your life your way, you've still got to find somewhere to live. And no one wants to live in a crappy, run down neighborhood surrounded by noisy 'problem families'.
I guess it also comes down to why you've 'dropped out' – especially if it's to pursue a passion. I know of two young men in their late 20s who live at home and play video games all day. Neither seem very happy. But I also know a guy in his 30s who has never had a 'proper' job or a serious relationship. Unlike the gamers, however, he does seem happy. But that's because he's pursuing his passion for music. He belongs to a band, writes songs etc. My cousin is similar. He's nearly 40, childless, unmarried and semi living at home. But he's got two MAs and is planning to do a PhD in philosophy. He's often said he'd go mad if he had to work in an office. Instead, he spends his days reading and does low stress, casual jobs to get by. He's a sort of 'eternal student'. Again, he seems very happy.