If you are highly sensitive... How do you cope with sad news stories?

[whatawhata]

And I mean specifically about children...

If I happen to come across a story (and I actively avoid looking for them) but seeing a headline, passing conversation, on here..
how do you get on with your day without it totally consuming you?

I have always been very sensitive/ in touch with emotions. So, if someone is feeling uncomfortable or upset, I sense it and feel it too, if I sense anger the whole air literally feels tense and frightening..
I have two little kids and especially since this, but even before, I find sad news stories hard to bare. I can't stop thinking about the kids, what they went through, their parents etc. and I can't focus properly for days. Past stories pop up randomly in my head of things that happened years ago and I feel like sobbing.

Now if you met me, and unless you know me very well, you'd have no idea. I've always been a high achiever, hard worker, well put together, organised etc. But on the inside...

Should you just actively try to avoid all news? (In many ways I think it serves little purpose most of the time) Or how do you cope?

Disclaimer- I know that in the grand scheme it's a non problem compared to people going through real trauma and tragedy.

Not much help but I’m exactly the same! x

I'm the same!
I actively avoid the news, but if I do hear something awful, I give myself some time to feel it all, and then try to think of other things and get on with life.

I have a really bad memory so luckily for me, things don't stay in my head for long.

I mostly avoid the news for this reason. Don't even have a TV. Also, could you be autistic? In women it can present as having abnormally high empathy, rather than the 'classic' presentation of lack of empathy.

Generally, I just avoid the news. And if I do see something upsetting, I make a conscious decision to not dwell on it - unless there is something practical I can do about it. If there isn’t, I try to move on.

And if I do see something upsetting, I make a conscious decision to not dwell on it - unless there is something practical I can do about it. If there isn’t, I try to move on.

This - tell yourself to stop then try and think about other things or try external distractions.

Upsetting things do pop up at times that I have seen but do the above - though if there are practical stuff I can do that's best or just being very busy with actual things in front of me with my life.

I do try increasingly to avoid things that will upset me - that I don't feel me knowing helps so news while I don't avoid I will turn off or just do headlines and quick reports.

I can completely relate to what you describe - this is exactly me, & I am affected by these stories even more acutely since having my little boy earlier this year. It probably doesn’t help that I tend to look at the news on my phone when I’m feeding him so am seeing news stories at all hours of day and night. Things that do help me a little though:
1)Allowing myself to have a cry (a real good proper cry when nobody is around) rather than trying to keep things bottled up
2)Chatting about the stories with my husband & being honest with him that they have distressed made me
3)Trying to remember that shocking stories make the news because these events are thankfully so incredibly rare and unusual.
4) I don’t avoid the news altogether as for me its important to keep up to date with what’s going on in the world, but several times this year I’ve given myself a break, so say there’s been a story that is making me really upset, I’ll say to myself I won’t go onto any news websites for 24 hours & then keep extending that by 24 hrs at a time until I feel I actually want to see what’s happening in the news.
5) I try & tell myself too that I feel so affected by these things because its only natural - we are programmed to be horrified by these events, its all part of our instinct to protect & nurture our children & other loved ones and these instincts are so powerful we are hurt at the thought of other families coming to harm too.
6)Seeing if there’s anything practical I can do to help in a small way eg earlier this year I wrote to my mp about a road safety issue near me because I felt so compelled to try & bring about change after reading several distressing news stories. It helped me a little just to know I’d done something small. I suppose donating to a relevant charity could be another option too.

Appreciate none of these things stop the news being so upsetting at times but they are little things I am trying to do & they do help me a bit.

Just want to thank you for your post also as its actually quite comforting to hear somebody else describe so acurately what I feel sometimes whilst reading the news.

I am the same OP. Over the years I've had to almost shut myself off from these feelings, almost like 'checking out' of life in some sense, which I realise is not healthy but if I don't put up an armour around myself then I could just sit and sob at the sadness of this cruel world. Dramatic perhaps, but I feel it deep in my heart when I 'allow' myself to feel it, so I've closed myself down as a means of protection.

Just reading this post makes me feel sad as it reminds of when there was a sad story in the news regarding a child. I had manged to avoid the story apart from seeing headlines. A group of colleagues were discussing the story at work and I explicitly asked them to stop. They carried on and revealed details. I had to go to the toilets to have a cry and if I think about it it still upsets me today.

I never read passed the headline if it's an abuse story and immediately switch off the radio if anything comes on about kids.

I really can't understand how some people can read these "misery" novels or watch disturbing documentaries on Netflix.

I assume most people are like this surely?

Thank you to everyone who has replied- there are clearly a lot of us who feel this way. It's oddly comforting.

I do worry (and this sound ott) that people are truly being traumatised daily by an onslaught of trauma and tragedy that just isn't normal for the average human being.

My other 'thing' that I do, when I feel overwhelmed with grief and sadness... and this might sound odd to some people. I try to 'feel' and imagine the pure love in the world... the millions of parents hugging and kissing their children good night. That feeling of butterflies, stomach full pride of millions of parents watching their child perform in their nativity, show or whatever it may be. The anticipation of saving up and buying the gift we know they will love - all over the word, so many of us...

I tell myself the news isn't a true reflection of reality. It's a reflection of the different - hence it's news. It's the thing we never want to happen. Unfortunately it does in rare cases. But for most of us, touch wood fingers crossed, we get there.

Same as you OP and have learned to avoid reading/watching/listening to anything that involves cruelty to children/ animals/vulnerable

Ive been the same since I can remember and pick up on negative energy in people. Hard to explain but can feel others pain/embarrassment/fear etc

I was neglected/emotionally abused as a child and was constantly on high alert. I feel this ability has stemmed from this. Too aware of surroundings and looking for cues for something to change for the negative.
Im not sure whether its empathy or a survival instinct that was learned as a child
Hope this makes sense

Really? Is this true? Mind blown if so! And would explain a lot about me

I avoid the tabloids. They use much more emotive language, more graphic photos, and include more stories which honestly I don't think need reporting outside of the country it happened in.

And then I sort of self screen. I can often tell by the headlines if I think it's going to punch me in my gut and I can avoid reading any details.

@whatawhata threads like this fascinate me. I'm sure what you are saying is the truth, as you see it. But how do you know (not assume ect) that you feel differently?

surely what you know is that you present those feelings to others differently?

it really fascinates me when people think they know what another is feeling. I have no idea what someone else actually feels. I take what they choose to show at face value. Mainly because I feel that it's polite to do so. But I don't assume I actually know what someone else is actually feeling.

I'm not sure I'm explaining myself well, and please, be assured, I'm not saying you don't feel things more acutely. I'm just wondering how you know you know

The thought of feeling what someone else feels fascinates me too @user1471453601 because honestly, how could we? And I'm as sceptical as they come. But it really just washes over you. I don't think you have control over it, apart from the control of allowing you self to either 'feel' it, or shutting yourself off as PP has said. Of course it could be all in your mind. I never think I'm feeling the 'same' as someone else though ...

I do believe @Bigslippers that it is a type of intelligence. I would imagine you have been put on high alert to social and emotional cues.. you're highly intelligent so have picked up on them? So yes probably partly survival mode. And high empathy.

I think it's maybe just something you're born with. Like having a photographic memory. Or being really good with numbers. You're either like that or you aren't? If you are, the world can just be quite tough for you.

Have just written a full reply,reply disappeared! Basically I just avoid any negative press about child abuse,animal abuse ,elderly abuse and do everything I can to help regarding everyone.X

Yes I’m the same and was diagnosed eight years ago aged 42. I can’t watch the news or anything violent or sad (but weirdly I can read books with violence because I have a terrible imagination so I don’t picture the violence properly).

OP, i feel the same I dont know how to stop this feeling!

I avoid talking about it because I feel I burden others with distress about things than none of us can control. But I struggle to move on, past news pop up and I cry. Its not a problem really you can share.

But I extend a hand hold and a hug x

I can relate. I watched a programme when my youngest was small and it gave some very broad details of a very awful situation about a baby- I stupidly looked it up and it stayed with me for months. Even now it comes into my head regularly and really upsets me.

I can't read anything - not even fiction, that relates to abuse without it staying with me. My nan used to call it my gift- that I carried the pain of others heavy on my shoulder and heart because even as a child I was deeply affected by others heartache

I try to avoid things as much as possible and when I do unavoidably come across anything particularly harrowing i give myself time to process and remember the world is full of good and bad try to move on.
Reassuring to know I'm not the only one!

I'd suggest learning to manage your mind.

It's only very recently in terms of evolution that we're hearing stories which don't have a direct impact on us. Previously if your distant ancestors heard about eg a murder it would be a survival trait for their brain to consider it and act to protect themselves and their community. Now you could read about several a day plus a whole host of other terrible things without leaving your bed.

Is the information useful to you? Generally no. Is knowing it detrimental to your MH? Generally yes.

So make an effort to avoid such news. I mainly use a news app which gives me the top 10 of yesterday's news, then I read specific sections of news sites that interest me eg politics, financial.

Then learn how to control your thoughts. Simply realising what you're doing when you start reading an article would be enough, stop reading and get your mind onto something else.

NLP can be quite useful for these types of things too.

@whatawhata . Your “other thing” ❤️❤️Sometimes I wonder how we keep going when it can seem there is so much suffering in the world, but we do because there is also so much joy and love to be found - we just have to give it a chance. I’m going to give your thing a try & focus on all the love in the world as I go to sleep just now - can’t think of a more beautiful thought to end the day ❤️

It's so hard isn't it. Avoid the news, or small doses.

When I'm in a safe feeling place, I let myself cry about whatever it is. I find crying really helps actually. The feeling resolves naturally. Thoughts usually travel from sheer upset, through resolving to do something extra nice with my kids, to resolving to do more good in the world.

For really overwhelming stuff I take the thoughts out on a run. I start the run, letting my mind ruminate. By the end, the blood's being used in my muscles and my brain can't sustain the thoughts any more. Then endorphins kick in.

I struggle when I need to do either of the above but am in a situation where I can't.

I'm exactly the same with animal cruelty, have to block the stories or else it plays on my mind.

I avoid too much news as it does affect me, I initially felt selfish about it, because people looking away from things that are uncomfortable don't help. But after a lot of thought I realised I just need to do what I can to help people around me - and as a human if we all helped the people around us (in our community I mean), then we would all be better off.

Feeling upset about a story a long way away that I know I can't do anything about... helps no one. I avoid certain mumsnet threads as well. I have turned off notifications and only read news from selected places (and stick to more general news). I broke these rules over covid/lockdown and ended up with compassion fatigue that took a long time to disperse. I have been tempted to do it over the cost of living crisis but just looked at my own situation and do what I can within my community.

To be honest I have simplified my life a great deal - I don't do social media any more, rarely give out details to anyone, stay off whatsapp. It's not just too much sad information that is difficult for me. It's too much information full stop (but this affects me in a different way).

Wow that’s really got me thinking. Thanks for sharing, I can’t watch sad things either and absolutely not anything to do with abuse or violence, makes me feel unwell and lingers.