If you are highly sensitive... How do you cope with sad news stories?

[whatawhata]

And I mean specifically about children...

If I happen to come across a story (and I actively avoid looking for them) but seeing a headline, passing conversation, on here..
how do you get on with your day without it totally consuming you?

I have always been very sensitive/ in touch with emotions. So, if someone is feeling uncomfortable or upset, I sense it and feel it too, if I sense anger the whole air literally feels tense and frightening..
I have two little kids and especially since this, but even before, I find sad news stories hard to bare. I can't stop thinking about the kids, what they went through, their parents etc. and I can't focus properly for days. Past stories pop up randomly in my head of things that happened years ago and I feel like sobbing.

Now if you met me, and unless you know me very well, you'd have no idea. I've always been a high achiever, hard worker, well put together, organised etc. But on the inside...

Should you just actively try to avoid all news? (In many ways I think it serves little purpose most of the time) Or how do you cope?

Disclaimer- I know that in the grand scheme it's a non problem compared to people going through real trauma and tragedy.

I avoid news stories on Ukraine, the economy, abused children etc. etc. for this very reason, and also have to hide some threads on here that turn into a doom spiral. I stopped donating to the NSPCC about 20 years ago when they sent me advertising mail that was full of very distressing details of child abuse and murder. The only reason for exposing yourself to this type of material is if you’re in a position to do something to combat it, and not all of us are built to handle it.

I'm the same, it's like I've got no skin. I feel like the only way I cope is to remind myself tgat I don't gave to bear witness. Especially it's harmful to be exposed to such pain when you are powerless to change a situation.

I think many people since lockdown are ringing but difficult to be with strangers and crowds.

Despite caring deeply about many issues i no longer follow many charites because they dont give you the option to view images and video.

I can't even be in my local book group because of the number of books other people have chosen with deeply traumatic events.Not to sound like a snowflake but honestly a warning if you are recommending a book with animal cruelty or rape would be so useful!!

My strong instincts about people make being around strangers exhausting, and seeing children hurt or unhappy is just unbearable.

It's hard to witness a world of cruelty
The only remedy is to create a loving life and place of safety, and to understand how important boundaries are whether other people understand it or not, to protect yourself from burn out. Xx

Totally relate to this, I’ve been like it all my life and I can see it in my DD too.

Since my 20’s it culminated in extreme anxiety from intrusive thoughts where I would obsessively think about horrendous things - but it was like picking at a painful wound. I just couldn’t help myself but I would recoil in physical discomfort.

These days I self manage it a little better by not exposing myself to things I know will be upsetting. But of course sometimes things get through the non-news watching filter - things pop up on SM and you can’t avoid it all. Or sometimes my stress levels will be increasing about work or the kids or something, and I’ll go and read something I know I shouldn’t. It was particularly bad a couple of months ago where I had started a new role, and I read about something I wish I hadn’t. I should have known better, and it stuck with me and I’d have days of crying at my desk when working from home, thinking about it.

I can see a correlation between stress, anxiety and intrusive thoughts like this and try to manage it better. I actively avoid things but it’s like this week, C4 AND C5 have been running documentaries about April Jones and despite me not watching them, that’s been in my head now. It feels like it’s hovering right in the periphery of my brain and if i give it an inch, it will invade my headspace. But then I feel like - I must be so weak because I cannot cope even thinking about her, never mind actually going through that - and then I get mad at myself.

Sorry OP, I don’t know if this helps. I feel like a basket case but maybe it helps to know you’re not alone.

Can I ask do you all think this is very unusual? When I try to share, I am told everyone feels this way its something you need to move on from. But i do sometimes cry in the showers, especially around anniversaries of certain incident and the news around is constantly getting me down to the point I don't want to eat?

I feel I would need a pill to block it all out, erase what i've read or stop existing because this is a horrible world.

If I share, i get put down..a lot. So I just assume everyone feel it and I can't "suck it up"

I actively avoid the news and when I'm going through a tough time I don't even watch or read any sad fiction. I like streaming services because I can control what I watch. I hid so many triggering boards on MN for example because sometimes I read stuff and they linger in my head. I also try and watch happy videos of kind people rescuing and adopting animals on YouTube. I don't know if I'm highly sensitive, but I feel physically in pain when people share heavy stuff with me in person or if I read about abuse against children or animals. I feel so helpless and hateful against people it wasn't healthy for me to see or hear these things so I avoid avoid avoid as much as poss.

I have no idea @nocluemyself :(

I have seen a lot more language around intrusive thoughts in the last ten years and it certainly seems more common. Or people just talk about it more. 20 years ago I was so consumed by intrusive thoughts, it was physically unbearable. With the hindsight that 20 years brings, I can see cycles of stress and anxiety that kick it off. So I think the two are related.

But when I’ve googled intrusive thoughts, OCD pops up a lot - which is something I’ve not thought of about myself. But I recognise I mask a lot and I have a LOT coping mechanisms just to cope with basic life. If you met me, you’d think I was fine and confident and outgoing. But I’m a complete wreck inside - heart palpitations, anxiety, constant headaches, periods of actively looking things up that I know I shouldn’t just to mess with myself, on the brink of tears instantly. It’s exhausting.

I don’t know if most people are like that ^ Maybe they are and just hide it well as well.

I don't watch news for this reason

I try to 'feel' and imagine the pure love in the world... the millions of parents hugging and kissing their children good night.

That's beautiful. Thank you ❤️ I will do this.

I often wonder why there aren't any/many news papers that are full of happy news? People turning their lives around, funny things that have happened. Inspiring stories etc. That would be a great job for a HSP to make happen!

It’s incredibly hard. I make a point of only reading the news ones a day and I do not go into any stories where I know it will particularly upset me. I will not read any details of any child abuse, it doesn’t gain anything. I’m aware of overall issues and look at ways I can help but that’s it.

Also remind myself it’s a news story because most of the world find it horrific and often very rare. So most of the world love and care very much for their children, for example.

I try to remind myself that there are many children in the world who are loved and cared for, but then I feel upset that any child has to be subject to pain and fear.

I totally get what your saying op.

Honestly, the older I get, the more I zone out of news and the happier I am. I used to get all caught up in things. Up until about 30, I did a lot of campaigning and protesting. I think it did damage my mental health though. Now I am not as tuned in. I still do protest sometimes, I cannot just avoid news and current affairs altogether. However, I don't engage nearly as often and I feel much better for it.

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling I absolutely understand what you are saying. I know that I have what seems to be social anxiety, pnd(lots of intrusive thoughts) and what not. I dont know if it connected. Things are bit more worse around Xmas time for some reason, I appreciate the distraction my kids bring me.

Its not winter blues but its reminder that a lot of natural disasters kind of happened in my context around this time(in my case, Tsunami and flood)

@Fusciainertia actually, there is a site where they focus on happy news around the world, its uplifting to read but I suppose it does give you a unicorn version of the world thats only positive i guess.

News only reports whats news, mostly negative news attracts readers.

If this is something everyone goes through, I would love to know how they all block them out.

Thanks for starting this thread OP, wonderful posters here :)

Maybe if you have children around the same age as those in any terrible news story it hits home harder. I can remember the day the Dunblane shootings happened - I was writing software for a living then - you pretty much sit at your desk and get on with your own work most of the time. I couldn't think straight or do any work at all - I managed to get away with just sitting there starting at the screen doing nothing and no one noticed. This was 96 so my kids were 4 and 2. I remember holding on to my desk at I felt like I was going to fall off my chair. I couldn't speak. I had a lump in my throat. I just muddled through the day. Events like that make work seem so insignificant. I just wanted to go home and see my wife and kids.

I wouldn't say I was highly sensitive though.

To answer the question - how do I cope - well I don't feel I need to change or control anything about how I react - it's ok to feel emotional - it's just a wave that surges over you - it comes and it goes - it's great to be human, to be alive, to experience great feelings. Certainly if I'm not feeling at my most positive about life, myself, troubles in the world, the environment, war in Ukraine, etc I actively avoid the news - I often do the BBC website quiz about the news - the 7 questions - if I score only 1 I'm actually quite happy that I haven't been tuning in to the news that much. I think getting weepy about things now and again it's good to soften our hearts up a bit, make us more empathic. I can't watch those crippled donkey charity adverts - I want to sell my house and all my possessions when they come on.

It has helped me to remember that none of this is in my control and that ultimately I cannot change what has happened. And the other thing is to normalise death. Some day I will die and that is okay. We all will, and that is the nature of things.

Yes, I'm the same and especially about anything to do with child protection. I had PNDD which partially manifested as an uncontrollable horror and sadness regarding some of the cases in the news, and that was before lockdown and the worst of them.

With improvement and time I have learned to avoid the news and never ever look at the Daily Mail. I don't find it campaigning on CP but prurient and avid. I've learned too to just sit for a moment and say I'm so sorry to the victims, and recognise their pain and their loss. If it's something like the channel crossings I will give a little bit if I can to the lifeboats.

I also volunteer in a family support and safeguarding charity. I haven't connected those things in the past, but I suppose it helps to know I do a little bit where I can, although not in a professional or frontline capacity of course, but supporting those that do.

I don't think its good to avoid the news, but to curate your intake. I read the headlines, but for significant stories I like slow news podcasts like The Sense Maker which go behind one headline at a time and take a balanced, researched view of it, rather than a rush of sensationalism.