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Original poster

(lighthearted) WTH is it with cake and the olde generation ?

32 replies

Polkadotpjs · 11/12/2022 15:40

Just had my son's birthday lunch and my sister brought the cake with her - she'd made him one - a chocolate fudge cake type, small shop bought size (relevant ). From the second the candles were lit the cake sharks were out. Some wanted some now as dessert but then it starts.. "could I just have some to take home?" " What about BIL?" And his wife ?". Then the PIL who've already had some, request some more to take home. My DS who loves cake and for whom this has supposedly been made has a small wedge left which is enough for one slice each for him and his brother. Me and DH haven't had any. I'm not bothered but would be nice to have the option. They are the same every birthday! I need a stunt cake I think. Does anyone else have this obsession with taking away of cake? At our wedding MIL bought another (fruit ) cake in addition to our (chocolate ) wedding cake so she could cut up and distribute fruit cake to all and sundry (guests or not). Obsessed I tell you ! In fact I'm going to Tesco now to buy him a new cake before it shuts so he can have that all to himself if he desires ! My generation (late 40s) are not at all bothered - at least my circle of friends don't seem to be 😬😂. I didn't post in AIBU because I want to see generally what is cake etiquette elsewhere. Mind you if she ever made a wedding cake I can imagine her swiping it back from the happy couple and that would be worthy of AIBU 😂😂

OP posts:
Carolthereindeer · 11/12/2022 16:56

If you know what they’re like I’d just have a bigger cake to start with, though that’s harder if it’s not made by you.

But I’d also be quite happy to point out that some people present hadn’t had any yet, so no actually they can’t have some to take home/give to people who aren’t there.

My family etiquette is if you’re here for birthday lunch/event you get a slice for dessert. If I have lots left you’ll be offered some to take home, but generally I keep any leftovers for us to have the next day. I have never had anybody of any generation ask to take cake away or ask for extras - how flipping rude. If it’s a child’s birthday party then either cake is cut and served at the venue or I do a cupcake tower and put a cupcake in each party bag.

erikbloodaxe · 11/12/2022 17:08

Knowing already what they are like I'm afraid you under catered.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/12/2022 18:00

Buying a bigger cake doesnt solve the problem ime. They just take bigger slices!

We had cake gannets in our family and they would swoop in before the birthday person, grabbing the biggest slices "plus a bit for our Janet, and one for Uncle Mike.....", one year my mother didnt get any of her own cake that she had made, I got really mad about that. So I started taking it away and slicing it up in the kitchen and sending out one of the kids with plates for each person. Put a lot of noses out of joint I can tell you, but then we noticed that certain other people started doing it too and it became clear that we hadnt been the only people who had been pissed off.

They are the sort of people who will got to a buffet catered party with tupperwares, and start clearing out "leftovers" before all of the guests had been served. My sister and I noticed my Aunt getting ready with her tupperware at our cousins wedding and shouted over to the groom "Hey you'd better get some food quick "Fred"! Aunty has got her tupperwares out" in a "jokey" way. Lots of people laughed and Aunty put her tub away! Some people are just greedy and selfish, the trick is to know its going to happen and not give them the chance to be.

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ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 11/12/2022 18:04

You need to do what my MIL does and cut the worlds smallest cake slices, like tiny little squares. I swear a borrower would go away hungry after eating one.

In my house (where I cut large generous slices) you only get a piece if you are there. No taking it away for others.

StickofVeg · 11/12/2022 18:14

This is how you overcome it: have a small birthday cake - it'll obviously all go. Then when all visitors have gone you wheel out Colin the Caterpillar cake from M&S and have it just to your family (or self if there is only you left). Flipping amazing with now cake scroungers.

healthadvice123 · 11/12/2022 18:45

Why not make a bigger cake ?
In our family no one eats much and neither of my kids eat cake so I only ever buy a tiny one

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 11/12/2022 19:08

Your sister is BU for making such a small cake. Obvs don’t know how small you’re talking here, but I’m imagining one of those £3.50 jobs that says it serves 8 but only really serves 4 normal people!

if that was the only cake then your guests shouldn’t have been so greedy but you should also have said no to anyone taking cake home if it left your DS with only one tiny slice of his own cake.

trailrunner85 · 11/12/2022 19:14

My MIL does this!
If there's every a birthday cake around, she wants to take extra slices home for people who aren't there; people we barely know; neighbours - all sorts. It's bananas. I now make sure there is a massive cake for all occasions.

AtomicBlondeRose · 11/12/2022 19:16

I’ve never come across this - it would be more the norm in my experience for any children/young people present to have cake lavishly pressed upon them and only then would adults dive in.

Alighttouchonthetiller · 11/12/2022 19:18

Never experienced this, or the Tupperware buffet scroungers. Nor have I come across the tiny-teeny 'we never eat cake' crowd, either. Mumsnet is always so interesting.

ShaunaTheSheep · 11/12/2022 19:26

You need a Costco cake. Huge and apparently never-ending. And cheap.

JenniferWooley · 11/12/2022 19:28

A stunt cake is the way to go OP!

For DGS's recent christening we had the official cake made by my regular cake lady on display but had a Costco cake in the kitchen to cut up & distribute to guests.

We had the official cake with a cup of tea later that afternoon so only immediate family/godparents got that one.

I have too big a family I'm one of 9 to be paying cake lady prices for a big enough cake!

newtb · 11/12/2022 19:29

My dm gave the top tier of my wedding cake to one of her friends. Not birthday cake, but still.

123woop · 11/12/2022 19:30

Cake often goes in the bin in our house 🤣 but one of my friends is obsessive about cake, to the point she can't relax until we've "done the cake" and everyone's had some and then she too can ask to take some home. It's bonkers!

WhatsitWiggle · 11/12/2022 19:30

Cut it into slices, dish out to all present, hide rest of the cake.
I only offer take home if there's loads of cake left.

Mind you, ex-Hs family don't really do cake - I bought a big one for his 40th and no-one touched it (and I was unemployed at the time so a £40 cake was a big deal!).

ReluctantLondoners · 11/12/2022 19:32

Also never have come across this. Are they very hard up? The only thing I can think of.

Tbh, the older generations in my family were very "oh cake?! Oh dear, must I? Just the teeniest sliver for me please. Oh I won't be able to eat for the rest of my LIFE after that ENORMOUS piece of cake"...basically they're competitive undereaters in my family

WomensLandArmy · 11/12/2022 19:40

I made my own two tier wedding cake. A tropical fruit cake fed with rum. It was kept at the holiday house dh's family hired for the wedding period. Bloody sil kept hacking chunks off it to give to her four and two year old. Fucking cheek! Buy them a Swiss roll from the shop on the corner and leave my wedding cake for the adults (like the bloody bride?)

LouLou198 · 11/12/2022 19:44

My Nan does this, wanting to take pieces home for so and so who aren't even there. I always say I will serve the children and those present first, and then see if there is enough!

Original poster
Polkadotpjs · 11/12/2022 19:47

Thank you so much for joining my discussion THE CAKE is clearly a divisive topic.
In answer to questions/ comments:

  • I feel I was not undercatered. There was loads of buffet left. In fact that might be one a whole new thread for AIBU - DH invited them for buffet as he "thought it would be easier" I threatened divorce if he EVER invites them again and decides on what I will make. My kitchen, my menu, my choice.
  • DSis in her defence is ND and always makes the same cake. My mum has made a much bigger one of the same recipe before so I was thrown off by the size and expectations of it still being somehow like the magical loaves and fishes and able to feed people for dessert (they'd already had dessert as well by the way!) plus take outs.
  • Stunt cake- not sure I'd get away with one but shall buy an extra cake next time and hold off on the original one for take home slices if possible and I can sneak out to dish it up
  • I usually make one but my DSis insisted and I didn't want to upset her by having my bigger cake there too
  • Curly the caterpillar (cousin to Colin I hope) purchased and will be all eaten by DS and his brother including the face !
My son was a little bereft to see only a sliver left and asked where it had gone. Had I been the GPs I'd have had a little slice then left it for him. Meanies. My older son said to me after they left "Why would you bring him a cake and take it home again?"
OP posts:
Original poster
Polkadotpjs · 11/12/2022 19:50

Oh ad no, not hard up just OBSESSED with cake.

OP posts:
Sgtmajormummy · 11/12/2022 20:04

I’m in my mid 50s and in “them days” we got sent home from birthday parties with a balloon and a slice of cake in a napkin as party favours.
People not present at weddings got a slice of the iced fruitcake through the post.

So I think it’s a generational thing.

Carolthereindeer · 11/12/2022 20:06

Polkadotpjs · 11/12/2022 19:47

Thank you so much for joining my discussion THE CAKE is clearly a divisive topic.
In answer to questions/ comments:

  • I feel I was not undercatered. There was loads of buffet left. In fact that might be one a whole new thread for AIBU - DH invited them for buffet as he "thought it would be easier" I threatened divorce if he EVER invites them again and decides on what I will make. My kitchen, my menu, my choice.
  • DSis in her defence is ND and always makes the same cake. My mum has made a much bigger one of the same recipe before so I was thrown off by the size and expectations of it still being somehow like the magical loaves and fishes and able to feed people for dessert (they'd already had dessert as well by the way!) plus take outs.
  • Stunt cake- not sure I'd get away with one but shall buy an extra cake next time and hold off on the original one for take home slices if possible and I can sneak out to dish it up
  • I usually make one but my DSis insisted and I didn't want to upset her by having my bigger cake there too
  • Curly the caterpillar (cousin to Colin I hope) purchased and will be all eaten by DS and his brother including the face !
My son was a little bereft to see only a sliver left and asked where it had gone. Had I been the GPs I'd have had a little slice then left it for him. Meanies. My older son said to me after they left "Why would you bring him a cake and take it home again?"

I’d actually have to say something to them - yes on the one hand it’s funny, but it’s also sheer greed and it’s left a child, the actual birthday child, upset and bereft. Why are you letting the supposed grown ups in the family do that? You apparently know what they’re like, so next time stop them and put your child first.

trailrunner85 · 11/12/2022 20:08

Yep - not hard up at all, but obsessed with the social protocol side of things in a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket-type fashion.
MIL never actually eats the cake herself (she's one of the "oooh, just a tiny sliver, if I absolutely must" types) but has somehow got it in her head that, if there is cake, it must be dished out to her extended social circle as this is The Done Thing.

From my experience this obsession with the cake as a Big Deal is a generational thing (she's in her early 70s) - if it was up to us we'd take it or leave it.

Maybe it was the natural precursor to the current trend for cake-smashings on Insta. Similar theme of cake not just being something you eat at a party, but a centrepiece that everyone should be a part of.

Redglitter · 11/12/2022 20:10

Next time I'd say let's get everyone here a slice first & we'll see what's left - then ofcourse ensuring there's none

Alternatively just say no to them

Original poster
Polkadotpjs · 11/12/2022 20:13

I am just kicking myself for not making my usual cake as I thought (with some relief ) it was one less task. I won't make that error again and I'll make a big one just for us for when they've left and we can have the small cake with then <evil cackles>
Seriously though. Bloody rude.

OP posts:
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