Should I talk to my 10 year old about Santa ?

[ImNotBella]

If so how should I approach it?

I don't want her to be the last of her friends to know.

She probably already does know but just incase I think I should talk to her about it.

Yes I would talk to her, but as it’s so close now, I would do it after Christmas. If she did still believe, why spoil it for her now. I spoke to my dd about it in the summer just to check she knew.

Why would you do that two weeks before Christmas??!! Surely not?!

Not right now, no.

If you are fairly sure she knows, let it be.
My Mum has never told me Santa doesn't exist. I've never told my kids - but they have made it clear they know.

If you think she needs to be told, wait until the spring or summer, don't do it this close to Christmas.

You are all right, now is not the best time.
I will wait a few months, unless she asks me first.

I just don't know how to go about telling her.

If it helps, a lot of parents in my son's yr5&6 class still think their children believe, and they certainly seem to. Doesn't seem that unusual round here, so she won't be the only one.

Never tell her! It doesn't matter. Let her still slightly question the magic. It ruins it all otherwise.

My 10 year old definitely believes. I'm going to start dropping some hints from mid next year and hopefully he'll realise quickly enough

We told our sons at 11 before they started secondary school. Both times we thought they probably had an idea but they absolutely did not and were devastated! I'd wait until after this Christmas and make this one extra special for her!

DS1 still believed at age 11 (or at least claimed he did!) I told him the truth during the summer holidays before he went to secondary school. He told me yesterday that in year 8 (equivalent of year 7 - am in NI) the English teacher set a comprehension which was about a child discovering there was no Santa. He said there was a handful of kids in his class who were a bit upset.

Wait until Christmas is a distant memory when you do tell her.

I think I told my eldest before he went to secondary school, possibly I assumed he was still going along with the idea of 'Father Christmas' He was really angry that I had lied to him all these years!

I wouldn't make a bit point of telling her just tone down the santa focus and significance a bit. I've been doing this with DCs. they do get presents from santa (I'm not cruel) but I dont focus on it much otherwise No grotto trips or anything. I can't see the benefit of spinning an elaborate web of lies just to dissapoint them later. My answer to everything is "I don’t know, what do you think"?. Hopefully they'll figure it out for themselves. Appreciate not everyone will agree with this approach.

I had an interesting conversation with my DD10 who said “ I know FC isn’t real by the way” and my DH launched into his “ yes he is” speech. I kept it quite neutral but then said “ I presume you still want a stocking “ and she did that “aha so he isn’t real then”. I suspect she had heard at school he wasn’t real but secretly wanted me to disagree so maybe I did the wrong thing. If she had still obviously believed I would never have told her but would have found a way of letting her know before secondary school.

Can I just say, as a non British person that I find this really weird? Ten and eleven year olds believing in Santa is really odd. Even more so that it seems British parents are the ones trying to keep their children naive for so long. It almost feels like the parents have separation anxiety from their own kids?

My boy is 9. Still very much believes but we will be telling him after next Christmas. Don't want him going secondary school still thinking it's true. Definitely an end of an era in parenthood though 😞

I think you should, even if in January. Save her from teasing or worse. You can focus on the positives of why you let her believe in Father Christmas for this time.

It's probably impossible to understand the magic and wonder of believing if you didn't grow up with it yourself. The reason it continues is because parents remember how magical it made their childhood. Anyway why would you want your kids to be grown up at 10? Why would you want them to grow up more quickly? Let them be kids for as long as possible IMO, they will have many, many years as an adult. Separation anxiety is where you don't want to be separated from someone - not sure what it has to do with believing in Father Christmas.

It normally goes round their class in the last couple years of primary school OP and they start to question it - so if all her friends know then the chances are they'll tell her too. You could always say something like 'has anyone at school said that FC isn't real?' this will probably get her thinking....but as others have said, wait until after Christmas.

I don't think there's anything wrong with innocence and a bit of magic for primary school aged children.

This is why I don't do Santa. I knew my son would be devastated to find out I had lied to him. It would have destroyed his trust in me. Some kid do respond this way. I've spoken to a mum who said it took a very long time for her daughter to rebuild trust in her after finding out her mum had lied to her for her whole childhood. For children for whom Santa is actually real, to find out your parents deliberately fed you lies and manipulations, is as bad as finding out your husband has been lying to you for all those years. Some will gradually move away from believing but for others its a devastating blow. Just not worth the risk imo.

I never believed in Santa as a child, I still found Christmas magical, just like the nativity is magical without believing in the story behind it.

Exactly. Of course he was! If you found out your husband had lied to you for years, wouldn't you be angry?

My daughter asked me if there really was a Santa when she was 9. I said that whether she believed or not made no difference and she would still get a stocking on Christmas morning. The look of relief on her face!

She later told me that she'd been told by the teacher when she was 6 but hadn't told me she knew in case the stocking stopped. I was quite annoyed with that teacher as there was no need to say a thing at such a young age.

Exactly. Of course he was! If you found out your husband had lied to you for years, wouldn't you be angry?

Well, if he'd managed to convince me that a rather rotund bearded bloke was squeezing down our chimney and leaving presents, I would be more likely to question his sanity, my sanity, or both😅 If I found out he had a second family in another part of the country, THEN I'd be angry. It's not really a fair comparison.

No, never any need to tell her anything.

My dd will be 13 in April and still fully believes, I'll tell her early 2023, let him have Christmas!

I knew long before I let in to my parents, I thought it would upset them if they knew I knew, lol. In reality the tables were turned, ha ha

I'm British and I find it weird. I don't know anyone in real life who actively promotes santa to their kids and goes over the top with the lying and pretence to make them think he's definitely real. It just seems to be on here!

It's a fun tradition and an imaginary thing that kids can go along with if they like. I've never associated stockings with santa either - we've always had stockings whether there are kids around at Christmas or not. My 3yo has picked up on santa at nursery and she talks about him but she also knows her presents have been arriving by post already. We'll do the mince pie thing, and stockings, and play make believe, but won't be talking about santa as if he actually exists.