Should I talk to my 10 year old about Santa ?

[ImNotBella]

If so how should I approach it?

I don't want her to be the last of her friends to know.

She probably already does know but just incase I think I should talk to her about it.

I think the overwhelming likelihood at age 10 is that she does know and is just playing along.

For what it’s worth, Christmas is a lovely time (perhaps even more so) even without trying to make children believe in the Santa Claus/Father Christmas thing. So I wouldn’t worry about the ‘magic’ or whatever.

JingsMahBucket · Today 09:08
Can I just say, as a non British person that I find this really weird? Ten and eleven year olds believing in Santa is really odd. Even more so that it seems British parents are the ones trying to keep their children naive for so long. It almost feels like the parents have separation anxiety from their own kids?“

what’s wrong with naivety in 10 and 11 year old children?

Also British and this is how everyone I know who participates does it. It’s a bit of a wink wink joke type thing. Like tooth fairy etc. There’s no efforts to try to convince a child who is 10/11 years old that there is a real magic man who flies round every house in the world delivering free gifts.

Maybe it’s because we’re in quite a poor area so kids simply have to be a bit more realistic. And ‘Santa isn’t real, mum buys your gifts for you’ is less upsetting than ‘Santa exists but likes you less than x child who is wealthier and got a new iPad and a horse.’ Or maybe because there are many different cultures/religions in our area. My kids have a lot of friends who are Muslim, Eastern European, African, Chinese etc. They all celebrate holidays differently, so the whole ‘Santa flies round every house giving free gifts’ falls down pretty quickly when they’re already asking in preschool why Santa doesn’t visit such and such.

I would also wonder how it’s explained that some kids don’t actually get gifts. We do this Christmas tree at our local supermarket every year, we pick two cards off the tree and it says a child’s name and age and you buy them a present and it gets wrapped up and delivered to them. How would a 10 year old who apparently really thinks they’re delivered by magic be able to appreciate that some children get nothing? For us it’s one of the most important aspects of Christmas.

But anyway I’d be really surprised to meet a child at that age who honestly thought all gifts were delivered (to every home in the world) by a flying reindeer crew by a man who squeezes down your chimney! I’d think it’s more likely they’re just joking/joining in.

I told my niece when she was questioning me about the logistics of how santa manages it. I really couldn't in good faith try and make something up and she seemed already half way there. She was 9 at the time.

They surely don’t actually believe it at that age!? it’s a lovely story to tell every year doesn’t need to be actually real for them to enjoy it

Well I’m British and everyone with a kid I know has talked about Father Christmas ( no Santa in this house) as a real person. He uses magic to get around obviously and you can track him online through NASA or some such. Some people go the whole hog with foot prints etc. It is most certainly not a wink wink look how knowing we all are. Whether other cultures do something else is of no consequence to me… some cultures have their 10 year olds working and I’m not doing that either. Seemingly most kids hear the truth one way or another and suffer no lasting damage. I have no recollection of how I found out. I suffered more disappointment that Narnia wasn’t real than I did FC.

I would be very surprised if they haven’t heard rumours that Santa isn’t real by 10 . But I wouldn’t mention it anyway till after Christmas. My oldest knew but lead me on for years as he didn’t want to ruin the magic for me.

What on earth does it have to do with ‘separation anxiety’? I assume their children will still live with them whether they believe in Santa or not?

I do find it odd that some parents really want their children to believe in Santa beyond an age when the children surely must be questioning the whole thing. It's enjoyable to pretend that a right jolly old elf actually travels around the world in a sleigh pulled by magical flying reindeer. But it's enjoyable as a fun story, not as reality. How could any NT 10-year-old have actual faith in such a notion?

We have children in our family who were adopted at older ages. They have vivid memories of Christmas without any presents. So they know that Santa doesn't visit every child. It would be cruel to them to perpetuate this myth, since they could easily internalise the idea that they weren't "good" enough and that's why Santa never brought them any gifts. They have quite a lot to cope with in any case without that burden as well.

How do these kids not work it out for themselves ? It’s ludicrous to believe in Father Christmas at such an age … when you consider the logistics surely they work it out for themselves ? I worked it out at about 5 (and then told my little brother which was rather naughty) but we both still enjoyed Christmas.

My mum used to say that Father Christmas stops coming when you turn 11 and from then on all the presents will be from her. I eventually figured it out when I was 10. You don’t need to say anything to her. She’ll realise one day

There is no need to tell them anything. Kids aren’t stupid. They ALL know by the time they get to secondary school at the latest. But you don’t have to be the one who does that - collude together in keeping the magic going…We still talk about Santa and leave out stockings and my DC are all professional young adults. It’s all part of the Christmas fun.

Not sure why it's any more ludicrous than expecting your children to believe in God/angels/the devil/miracles. Yet people persist in pushing these myths on their offspring. And then potentially disown them when they work out it's all a load of old tosh.

At least the parents teaching their children about God and angels etc actually believe in those things themselves. Adults know santa isn't real, yet still tell their children that he is.

Kids enjoy lots of magical things that they know aren't really real but are fun to pretend, like Harry Potter, mythical creatures, fairies, witches, Disney princesses, superheroes. Santa is just as magical that way without having this huge burden of truth attached to it.

Our youngest (ASD) I think did believe quite late but we didn't tell him. Still haven't. We have just "kept believing" ourselves with the odd not-too-subtle hint and wink. DC gradually become part of it until they are the ones humouring us. It's a lot less pressured than giving them a big spiel about them now being part of making the magic for other children.

I really like the PP's idea of "believe or don't, you'll get a stocking either way." Such a nice, gentle alternative to "better keep believing or you won't get presents."

Yes totally my friend has told her children if you don’t believe you won’t receive . I find that so sad no wonder some children cling onto the hope of Santa instead of naturally growing out of it .

This. There is no need to be so literal about it, it's just a fun distraction - isn't it?

My DC naturally came to this realisation when they were ten, we didn’t need a discussion. Your DD is probably sceptical at this age but if she still believes I’d let her have one last year personally, it’s sad when they stop.

But I would imagine ‘everyone you know with a kid’ doesn’t have their almost secondary school aged children honestly believing NASA tracks a real life magic flying man round the world as he delivers free gifts to everyone in the world. Because by 10 they will simply know too much to believe this is true.