Talk to me about your 10/11 year old DD Yr6

[HelpMeCope85]

I need to know if I’m molly-coddling my Yr6 DD. Today we saw a group of girls in her Year group (they’re not really her friends but I know them all) walking into our local village together. One of them has bullied my DD in the past. My DD said ‘you’d never let me do that?’ I said ‘what?’ She said ‘ walk into the village on my own’ I said to do what ? Walk around the streets? She’s had swimming this morning. We had just come back from the shops and were heading to meet her friends for lunch!

The other group of girls have Snapchat/TIk Tok. My DD doesn’t, she doesn’t have a mobile phone. She has Laptop and an IPad. Today she FaceTimed another of her friends while they played robolox.

she still loves her dolls, is a big reader, reads the Week magazine, is doing very well academically and sport wise at school. She does lots of extra curricular (sings in a choir plays netball and dances). plays Piano and violin. I’m trying to offer her other opportunities but there seems to be this freedom piece about going out walking the streets of our village! She doesn’t have a mobile phone yet. I’m trying to hold off until secondary. Tell me what your year 6 DD does. Maybe I should ask her friend’s mum’s but they’re same as me - very cautious and i don’t think would want them walking the streets.

Mine sounds very like yours in terms of freedoms. She’ll be walking to school and back herself in Y7 and will no doubt meet up with friends afterwards sometimes, though her best mate loves coming to ours and I love having her! DD got a phone for her 11th birthday but absolutely no Snapchat or TikTok.

Thanks @Tunnocks2022. mine won’t as we are moving to a senior school further out. Although will stay in the village. She’ll have friends from her current primary go there (both her besties). But it’s further out (over a dual carriageway) so no walking.

we have her friends over to ours when we can. One coming for a sleepover soon.

She sounds very normal in my experience. My daughter is in year 8 now and still isn’t allowed TikTok etc and her friends are similar.

I would allow her to walk to the village shop or park with her brother at that age though, it isn’t far and was good independent experience for them.

Mine walks to school and back with friends or on her own, not too far maybe 10 mins tops. She has a phone and has WhatsApp but no snap chat or tiktok although she does watch it with me.

I am happy for her to go to the local park but she doesn't really as friends not often allowed, we don't really live somewhere where they can just wander. She can walk to the local shop too.

Is she your only/eldest? I found it harder with my first.

Have an 11 year old already left primary. Quite similar here. Loves reading, plays piano etc. When a friend comes over they still do pretend play , acting out characters from book series .
Her 2 main friends don’t have phones either but they all play on Roblox using the i-pad .
I sometimes think how she’s ‘ younger’ than I was at that age - I was out walking to the pool ‘ shops with friends at that age . But then I think it’s kind of nice , so many kids seem to grow up too fast and there’s no rush

My eldest. I do think I need to give her a bit more freedom. Maybe with one of her friends. I caught two buses to school at that age so I know I’m being a bit overly protective.

I know a couple of these girls have Insta too! Maybe if she gets a phone it’ll just be whatsapp and rules around times. I’ll deffo hold off til year 7 if I can.

Yes there is a lot of trampolining, netball, making up stories/plays.

Mine is a year 6 ds but he is allowed to walk into town (ten min walk) with friends and go round the shops. He has my old phone so keeps in touch with me while he’s out. He is not allowed tik tok or Snapchat but wants both. He’s only allowed messenger and face time. He FaceTimes friends while playing roblox.

I have a Yr5 10yr old. She plays out with her school friends locally but not allowed to leave the estate, has a (handmedown) mobile phone. I wanted her to be able to reach me if she needs me and vice versa. No to FB/ Snapchat/ tiktok but she has WhatsApp.

No phone for my same age DD but she has tiktok, which has both a daily timer and all the filters on it. She uses it maybe half the days of the week. I wish we hadn't really. Harder to go back than to stick with your guns imo!

She walks the 5 mins to school and has done for several years. I've asked her to walk to the shop (approx 7 mins) a couple of times and she's been very clear that she thinks she's too young!

We taxi her to all her very wholesome activities other than the after school clubs. I personally hate sleepovers and I think we've had 2 this year. She still plays with teddies, does make believe etc. but only with select friends! She's been vocal about not enjoying "gossiping" at school and prefers to play.

She's not my oldest and I'm happy that she's happy to be a child/girl a while longer. It sounds to me that you have it just right.

Thank you. Perhaps if I can persuade another of her school mum friends we can work out an independent walk.

even Robolox is only allowed at the weekend. She watches Disney or Prime on her laptop. I have family security so I know what she sees.

im sticking to my guns on the phone piece though. Don’t think she needs it. Not with an iPad and a laptop.

I have a DS in year 6. We live in a village and he often plays out independently, meets friends locally and has done for the past year or so.
I have also recently let him go into town to the cinema, get a milkshake/ McDonald's etc. but I've dropped him off and picked up again at a set time.
He has a mobile phone, what's app, doesn't have Instagram.

Oh yes and I drop DS off at school in the next village, but he generally walks home ( about 3/4 mile ).

This is tonnes more freedom than my DD.

no phone , no playing out with friends. We’ll meet in the park together. We have play dates.

Round our area what @milkysmum says is defo the norm by spring of yr6
They all have phones and learn how to manage them. They all go the park / local cafe etc after school etc
They almost all walk to school and back alone. We are an urban area

I really think you need to be thinking about helping your DD to be ready to navigate Year 7 which is a big developmental step.

My DD is now in Y7, but at this point in Y6 she didn’t have a phone yet. She got it at some point in the spring term I think when I upgraded mine. No TikTok/insta/etc. I installed WhatsApp on the last day of Y6 because that’s all anybody else used and she was going to lose touch with friends going to different secondaries.

She started going to the shop by herself around now, her first trip was to the corner shop to buy Christmas presents for us all! I think that time I walked her down and waited outside. The next time she went solo. Then she went to the park occasionally to ride her bike.

I think it is really important to start building these things up. Not the social media, but the independence going to the shop or the park or meeting friends. If you don’t want to just let her wander off why not arrange to take her and a friend or two to where ever you’d normally go for a mooch about the shops. You sit in a cafe and have a coffee, they do their thing and then come and meet you. Build up to going solo.

I don't think I understand this.
The pp was saying that her DS plays out with pals in the village, and is sometimes dropped off in town for the cinema then picked up again.

How can this be tonnes more freedom than your DD? It doesn't sound like a massive amount of freedom - just about the norm for a Y6 child surely?

Sorry if I'm not understanding, I've had wine 😅

DD is 11/Y6. She has walked to school by herself (5 mins, 1 main road crossing) since Easter of Y5. Things are slightly different here, as we have first/middle/high school, and children go to middle school for Y6 and travel by themselves unless they are very rural. For this reason DD has had a phone since Sept this year

As well as walking to school, DD walks to her friend's house and DM's house (7 or 8 mins) and to the village shop (2 or 3 mins) away by herself. She enjoys the independence and this feels like the right time for her to do it. She had been walking to her friend's house fior a few weeks before she got a phone.

Mine went round the streets with their friends from Y5 onwards. Some parents wouldn't let their children though. It gave them independence for secondary. They had extra curricular activities too. Would it hurt to let your child try it in the holidays?

My 10 nearly 11 years DC is allowed into town - by both themself and with friends.

No phone yet - that's for their 11th birthday - and there will be no TikTok etc.

Dd1 11 started high school in September, currently gets two busses across town to school, using her phone for the ticket.

She started walking in about January year 6 we are about a mile away and we had to walk dd2 also. First she walked half the way a slightly different, and busier route than dd2 and I. Splitting up with us about half way to school - we have two busy roads and only one with a crossing. As term went on she eventually left the house 5 minutes before us, to walk the entire route.

She got a phone February half term (also her birthday). I'm glad we did it then, she doesn't have it at night and still isn't permanently connected to it- we set rules on times she could use it. No tiktok or Instagram only what's app. There were a few minor 'incidents' that happened that were fairly easy to deal with as we were very easily able to talk to the teacher/dd. Dd also needed a bit of time herself to get used to group chats etc and the speed.

She was never over keen on going out to play. I did drop her off at the local adventure playground a few times during the summer to meet friends. Same distance as school so didn't want her making her own way.

DD is 10, nearly 11. She has a phone but only me, DH and GP's as contacts. She only takes it out the house when she's at one activity. No WhatsApp, TikTok, etc. She sounds like your DD in terms of freedom! Plays out, but only on the playground next to our house. Walks to BF house, plays out around there. Goes to the village shop two mins away, but never into town alone.

Her best friends (BF) mum was shocked recently when another classmate called and asked if BF wanted to go to town with her. Told her to get the bus leaving in 15 mins (BF never been alone on bus) and she'd meet at next stop. BF's mum was 😮but asked to speak to classmates mum who said she'd be around, so she let her go. Turns out the mum was at the dentist and the girls wandered town for an hour. BF was bemused by all the browsing etc. and not enthusiastic about going again 😂

They're so different at this age!

DD had another classmate over a few weeks ago and they spent the best part of an hour playing with a cardboard box!

In the spring, I'm going to encourage DD to go to one of her activities alone (2 buses). For me that's the safest way to start with a bit of independence. No hanging around as she has somewhere to be and someone who will alert me if she doesn't turn up!

I'm not sure you'll get an appropriate or real life answer on Mumsnet where they believe people shouldn't have phone until their 23 and TikTok is the devil.

Even then it doesn't matter. Its what you as a family are comfortable with.

My DD is 11 and year 6 and I have had to loosen the reigns and allow her to do things that I definitely would have been doing at her age (earlier even) but she hasn't done because of covid and the world being a different place.

She walks home from school now which was terrifying at first but now totally normal. She has a phone with Snapchat, WhatsApp and TikTok but we have full access to it and she knows the dangers of strangers and people not always being who they say. This has been drummed into her and she must tell us of anything inappropriate that she sees. She also goes to a cafe in the next village over and the park after school.

I have recently discovered Life360 too. It's much better than find my iPhone. It is intrusive but that's required if she is out and about.

From this freedom, she has a fantastic group of friends and has had some brilliant experiences.