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Original poster

Anyone else miss old style friendships?

46 replies

Crankylanky · 09/12/2022 20:44

Ok… maybe it’s just me but I’m feeling sad that my friendships seem to have shifted somewhat in tone. Don’t have that many friends anymore and what friends I do have I really value. But recently I feel quite lonely in that rarely do they check in… I remember when friends used to actually phone and chat! Only communication these days seem to before and after meeting up. And that’s all done via text. Anyone care to share the same ? Or am I just a sad lonely middle aged misery?

OP posts:
ErinAoife · 09/12/2022 20:49

I feel the same than you. Everything seems now to be done via text, online. I seem to be the only one in my group of friends to call them by phone for catch up if we can not meet up.

magicstar1 · 09/12/2022 20:57

I still have regular calls with friends. I’m in my 40’s and get fed up texting too much.

Mary46 · 09/12/2022 21:38

Yes op you are right. Felt bit down re friends lately just non comittal. Hard tie anyone to a date or catchup. I know what you mean.

Ontobetterthings · 09/12/2022 22:24

Noticed this. Noone phones anymore. Just texts

autienotnaughty · 09/12/2022 22:32

Yep I had more meaningful contact with friends 20 years ago when we didn't have smart phones.

Pinkyrinkydinky · 09/12/2022 22:32

Yes! When I split up with my long term boyfriend in my 20's, I spent ages on the phone chatting to various friends. It got me over the pain of it. Now I think no one would do that, it would just be texting which isn't the same. In fact apart from my own family and one particular friend, there's no one I can really ring up for a chat.

Thighdentitycrisis · 09/12/2022 22:32

I’m in my 50’s and still have phone catch ups with friends / siblings that I don’t see often. However, we text in between and usually arrange calls rather than call impromptu.
I still miss when friends used to pop in unexpectedly!

EmmaAgain22 · 09/12/2022 22:34

I miss having friends full stop but yes, the ones I do have aren't up for phoning anymore.

gruffalosbrother · 09/12/2022 22:39

I talk to friends all the time. I speak to 2 or 3 of my friends most days. A few more at least once a week, my sister several times a day and other friends as and when but def talk on the phone loads, mainly when I’m driving (Apple CarPlay, don’t touch the phone itself)

Cornelious · 09/12/2022 22:44

I still have a group of friends that I've had since primary school. Most of us moved away, some moved back but we've always remained close. I've recently moved home and my bf is the only person I speak to regularly (almost daily) and see at least once, usually twice per week. We live the closest though and have dc similar age. I see my other friends around every 1-2 months, depending on whose birthday / event it is.

Everyone's so busy though and I don't like to call people (without pre checking that they're free) as I don't know their daily/ weekly routine. I do with my bf though so that's why we speak so much.

IneedanewTV · 09/12/2022 22:46

My friendship groups have changed since Covid. People either can’t be bothered to go out, cancel at last minute or we go home early. No one can really be bothered.

Aintnosupermum · 09/12/2022 22:47

It’s friends stopping by that I miss. It never bothered me that a friend or neighbor would knock on my door for milk/bread/sugar, help or just to say hello.

I was reading through LinkedIn recently and this lady posted to say now brave she was that she spoke to another lady sat next to her on a flight. No wonder people are so miserable if we don’t have these little interactions as we go about our day. It’s not about chatting non stop from New York to LAX but a simple hello and a smile goes a long way to allowing everyone to run along nicely.

I also refuse to do online dating. Just no. Friends first and I need to ‘know you’ before I date you. If that doesn’t work for the guy, that’s a clear indication he is not good enough for me.

Buteverythingsfine · 09/12/2022 23:36

I still phone my friends and vice versa, if we realise getting together is going to be hard. Sometimes just a quick call on the car phone to touch base, I do have one friend I regular speak with for 1-2 hours at a time. We text for good times to phone or WhatsApp. At least one friend I haven't seen in person for over ten years, so it's the only way, videocall every couple of months. I also do voice messages which some hate but I like to hear my friends voice so I've copied them. Text your friends for a time to chat, they might be feeling the same as you.

Buteverythingsfine · 09/12/2022 23:38

I don't think friendships are the same, though,and we do mainly text in-between, it is different.

EggCustardTart · 09/12/2022 23:52

I agree. Friendships aren't the same.
I remember my mum having friends that would pop in regularly or she would pop into theirs.

Meeting up for a casual coffee now seems to be like organising a military manoeuvre that has to be planned weeks in advance.

Texting and messaging has dropped off. Even facebook interaction has reduced - not that a "like" is any replacement for a chat.

Everything seems so "flat" now.

Tunnocks2022 · 09/12/2022 23:58

EggCustardTart · 09/12/2022 23:52

I agree. Friendships aren't the same.
I remember my mum having friends that would pop in regularly or she would pop into theirs.

Meeting up for a casual coffee now seems to be like organising a military manoeuvre that has to be planned weeks in advance.

Texting and messaging has dropped off. Even facebook interaction has reduced - not that a "like" is any replacement for a chat.

Everything seems so "flat" now.

Exactly this. I’m the only adult in my house, and I really feel the friendship loss. I suppose I wouldn’t so much if DH was still alive.

PacificallyRequested · 10/12/2022 00:00

I completely agree! Was thinking about this just the other day. Would love a good chat on the phone with a friend like in the 'old days' (I'm only 43! Grin). I know I could just...phone them, but that seems not to be the done thing nowadays!

ArmyofMunn · 10/12/2022 00:19

You're right OP - there was definitely a shift around 2000 for me.

Until then I used to relish a good catch up with a friend on the phone. Now, even though I'm a married SAHM, I have two teens, an elderly father to care for (and two cats who I adore!).

I still have a lot of lovely friends but if one randomly calls, I tend to freeze, let it ring out, then politely text back to arrange a 'proper' physical catch up. Very weird in comparison.

The only exception for me is an Oz cousin who I talk to for about two hours roughly four times a year. She probably knows me the most now by far.

maddy68 · 10/12/2022 00:22

I feel very blessed. I feel I have all that. I shouldn't take it for granted x thank you for the reminder to tell them how much they matter x

EggCustardTart · 10/12/2022 00:35

Does anyone remember "friends and family" numbers on landlines? In 2000 my top 10 dialed numbers would be friends. Now, apart from dh, I think they would be all work-related.

HotChoxs · 10/12/2022 00:44

Nearly all of mine have gone through people moving away, people moving apart, people dying etc.

I've made new friends but I struggle to invest so much now, particularly after my one of my best friends died.

IndianSummer78 · 10/12/2022 01:14

I don't take phone calls any more. They always come at inconvenient times and I end up running late for something. I find people who like phone calls take it as the easy option and rarely if ever seem to want to meet up. I can't be bothered having a friend I never see. I don't see the point. So I text to arrange meet-ups and that's about it. I don't stay in contact via social media either. I don't see what's wrong with conducting friendships in person?

Fourwallsclosingin · 10/12/2022 01:18

This is really interesting. I text because I find it easier and quicker as you can do other things I guess, but I'm realising I've almost lost the art of having a phone conversation and it seems an effort to talk on the phone. Is it because we are all so 'busy' now? I have actually started to talk on the phone again very recently because I find I have missed it and it's soooo much better! (In person is best but I have a LO so don't get to get out and about much these days)

Bunda · 10/12/2022 08:46

We use voice notes. So it's like a phone call but at your convenience. Feels a bit closer than a msg. But I also don't prefer a phone call. Hard with young kids

EmmaAgain22 · 10/12/2022 08:54

IndianSummer78 · 10/12/2022 01:14

I don't take phone calls any more. They always come at inconvenient times and I end up running late for something. I find people who like phone calls take it as the easy option and rarely if ever seem to want to meet up. I can't be bothered having a friend I never see. I don't see the point. So I text to arrange meet-ups and that's about it. I don't stay in contact via social media either. I don't see what's wrong with conducting friendships in person?

I think it's a safe bet that those of us missing friendship are finding their friends don't want to meet in person.

interesting a pp saying "since 2000". I find it's since 2020, which is a huge difference!