Neighbour overstepping

[Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink]

Can I ask for some help on how/whether to raise this with my neighbour?

She’s an elderly lady who seems to have problems with needing things to be neat and proper.

We live in semi-detached houses and our front gardens adjoin with a patch of grass. No fence/physical boundary. It’s a tiny patch of grass about 0.75x1.5m with flowerbeds around it.

My garden is messy by her standards (cut grass and trim the bushes once a month) and she’s very prim and proper (cut grass once a week, not a single weed).

She has a gardener who keeps mowing and weeding my side recently. I’m irritated as he leaves stray grass cuttings all over my steps, and I’m also irritated that she’s instructing a 3rd party to do work on my property that I haven’t asked for. I’m quite happy for her to leave my side as it is.

I’m also annoyed that she keeps putting my bin in my driveway after the bin men have come if I’m out at work. She leaves it half way up my drive in the way of my garden gate and me parking my car where I want to park it.

I appreciate she’s probably thinks she’s being nice but something inside me is irrationally angry about this (admittedly probably a childhood thing because of having a horribly invasive mother). I Just want to have my space and run my property how I want to run it, and I don’t want bossy/judgemental neighbours in my space. I want to mow my grass when I want to mow it, I want to do no-mow May when I want, and I want to sweep my steps after I mow my grass so I don’t walk grass into the house. I want my bin left where the bin men leave it, which is still on my property and not in anyone’s way so I can park my car where I want to park it. I put it away at the end of the day in my back garden.

How can I word this to her in a rational, calm way?

One day when I was home and she was brazenly walking up my driveway to put my bin where she wants it, I breezily called out of the window, ‘please leave it where it is, it’s in the way of my car there and I don’t need you to put it away thanks’, She stopped doing it for a while, but that was a year or two ago and she’s back to her bossy ways.

Cant be bothered with nuclear responses - my inner child is doing enough of that in my head! Looking for calm and measured ideas please! Thanks

What the majority of #bekind posters on this thread are choosing to ignore is that the OP doesn’t want the neighbour to move her bin or work on her garden. She isn’t required to have a reason for not wanting it. She isn’t required to let her neighbour do it just to be nice and show gratitude. The OP has expressed that she doesn’t want it and that’s the end of it.

If the neighbour carries on doing it after being asked not to, the neighbour is at fault, not the OP.

Put a cork in it, love.

@Pieministers Yes but the OP just needs to tell her this! Face to face. In words.

”Please would you mind NOT doing a, b, c…” how difficult is that rather than moaning about it on MN?

”Please would you mind NOT doing a, b, c…” how difficult is that rather than moaning about it on MN?

She's asked her to stop re the bins. See first post. Clearly, asking doesn't work.

@MadelineUsher

stop being so miserable love.

jeez

@FictionalCharacter you’re right, thanks.

Thanks for the debate everyone, it’s helped me firm up in my mind that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me wanting what I want on my property and it’s okay to assert myself.

So those who are on my side, can you help me word a note which I’ll hand write and pop through her door please? I want it to be firm but friendly. How about this?

[name]

Thank you for your gardener tidying up my garden recently, but I must ask you both to stop now and remind yourselves of where your garden ends and mine begins. I don’t appreciate having wet grass clippings left all over my path. I don’t want any work done to my garden by you or any third parties in future without my knowledge and permission each time.

Also, as I’ve said before, please stop putting my bin onto my driveway on bin days. I appreciate you may think you’re being helpful, but it gets in the way of me opening my gate and parking my car where I want to park it.

If you have any problems with anything in future, please just knock on the door and talk to me first.

Thanks
Iwritethis

@Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink

its a mistake

I'd love a neighbour like her instead of the shitheads my lovely elderly widowed neighbour's relatives lumbered me with after she died.

It is ironic that you end with:
"If you have any problems with anything in future, please just knock on the door and talk to me first."

Take your own advice and talk to her rather than sending a snippy note? Use the note as a mental script though! It is reasonable to want her to leave your property alone.

I don’t appreciate having wet grass clippings left all over my path.

Leave out this line. You weaken your stance with it and invite "solutions" from her. Keep it simple, ie, and as firm as it is.

Maybe do a touch more of the shit sandwich technique and throw in a "thank you for the gracious/well-meant gesture: phrasing to your opening sentence - throw her a bone, ie (to salve her anger at your impertinence at having a self!). Then carry as you have written, minus any statement that can be argued with or solved like the grass clippings line. Maybe soften the bin bit very slightly also, "I realise you are only trying to be helpful, however..."

She won't like it, whatever you write.

Good work! Stay strong!

*Rogue colon after gesture instead of quote marks....

There are some right weirdos on this thread!

Say it - don’t write it and be a little gentler

After seeing your other thread @Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink - write down exactly what you want to say, shove it in her letterbox and then block her number. I'd even go so far as to tell her that she has WAY overstepped here and any further communication that isn't or wouldn't be convered by the description of an 'emergency' will be categorised as harassment and you will be left with no option but to take things further by getting legal advice at that stage.

Why don't you 'knock on her door and talk to her first'?