Neighbour overstepping

[Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink]

Can I ask for some help on how/whether to raise this with my neighbour?

She’s an elderly lady who seems to have problems with needing things to be neat and proper.

We live in semi-detached houses and our front gardens adjoin with a patch of grass. No fence/physical boundary. It’s a tiny patch of grass about 0.75x1.5m with flowerbeds around it.

My garden is messy by her standards (cut grass and trim the bushes once a month) and she’s very prim and proper (cut grass once a week, not a single weed).

She has a gardener who keeps mowing and weeding my side recently. I’m irritated as he leaves stray grass cuttings all over my steps, and I’m also irritated that she’s instructing a 3rd party to do work on my property that I haven’t asked for. I’m quite happy for her to leave my side as it is.

I’m also annoyed that she keeps putting my bin in my driveway after the bin men have come if I’m out at work. She leaves it half way up my drive in the way of my garden gate and me parking my car where I want to park it.

I appreciate she’s probably thinks she’s being nice but something inside me is irrationally angry about this (admittedly probably a childhood thing because of having a horribly invasive mother). I Just want to have my space and run my property how I want to run it, and I don’t want bossy/judgemental neighbours in my space. I want to mow my grass when I want to mow it, I want to do no-mow May when I want, and I want to sweep my steps after I mow my grass so I don’t walk grass into the house. I want my bin left where the bin men leave it, which is still on my property and not in anyone’s way so I can park my car where I want to park it. I put it away at the end of the day in my back garden.

How can I word this to her in a rational, calm way?

One day when I was home and she was brazenly walking up my driveway to put my bin where she wants it, I breezily called out of the window, ‘please leave it where it is, it’s in the way of my car there and I don’t need you to put it away thanks’, She stopped doing it for a while, but that was a year or two ago and she’s back to her bossy ways.

Cant be bothered with nuclear responses - my inner child is doing enough of that in my head! Looking for calm and measured ideas please! Thanks

Old -^

on -^

Kill with kindness. Pop around with a Xmas card and chocolates and say

Hi Marge
how are you? I appreciate you are trying to be helpful but moving the bin blocks my driveway and I’m worried I will hit it if you keep moving it - can you leave it and my grass please 🙏 as I like to leave it a bit more then you for the wildlife and no mow May etc.

my garden was overrun by 10 m high brambles at the back fence which were ruining my fence etc - popped around with a large bottle of pink gin and some tonics and was like

‘hi I’m your neighbour in the next road. The brambles behind your shed have gone a bit wild 😜 I come in peace is there any chance you can look at it as I can’t get to it to trim it back.I brought gin to help’

two weeks later came home to a large bottle of wine chocolates and a card saying ‘thank you so much for giving me the lovely kick up the bum I needed. All done. My number is xxx I live alone and have a large bottle of nice gin from a neighbour let me know when you are free to come round and share it’

just be kind in my experience it gets you far more

she’s a backward-looking kind of soul, a pretty bitter, complaining kind of woman
The words "pot" and "kettle" spring to mind.
How terrible that she see's you as a fellow widow, who may appreciate some thoughtfulness.

The bin thing is something I would do if it's in the way! I like being 'helpful'. In your situation I would ask her to leave the bin as you can't drive in with it there, so long as you're sure it won't stay in the road to be driven over or nicked. The grass - again, just explain that you like to leave it a bit longer for the insects

Why?

I wish someone's gardener would mow my front lawn for free. She's probably lonely and tries to be helpful. Some poor posters have terrible trouble with their neighbours. I think you need to chill a little.

Dysfunctional childhood here so I get what you're saying. With the size of the grass patch, would you consider replacing it with artificial grass? I'm not normally a fan but if it's half of 0.75x1.5m it might be worth it?

As to the bin, I'd maybe be a little passive agressive and stick a note on my bin "for the bin collectors" saying "please don't leave in middle of driveway, thanks so much".

Doing a very quick search on the internet brought me to the site in my image. Her gardener should be removing your clippings not leaving them for you to deal with if she is getting them to cut your grass, as it can damage what grass remains if they don't.

If she's looking for a manicured lawn she's going about it the wrong way.

I'd ask her to leave your bins and lawn alone. While it's not the worst thing in the world she could be doing, she is nothing to you (except being your neighbour) and she is overstepping here. You haven't asked or requested her to do any of the things she's doing so if you ask her to stop, she really should.

Is there a way that you could put up even a few posts and hang some chains between the posts to separate your grassy patch from hers?

I find it weird when the houses with a front lawn with no fence just mow their own side-it takes seconds to just run the mower over it all, then it all looks tidy. It may be your lawn but surely this helps you out.

Bins-meh, I wouldn't bother but if it really annoys you that much then ask her to stop.

Aesthetically, does she make your house look tidier or less tidy!

Gahhhhh no advice but this would drive me mad too 😬

Tell the gardener either a) not to mow or b) to sweep your steps after he mows. Explain that him mowing & not sweeping is making you work you don’t want.

Tell neighbour gist of conversation with gardener. Mention the bin issue again.

That’s really it, isn’t it?

I think youre being dramatic.
If it was your back garden, id fully understand, but the front. let it go....
To cut her side of the grass he would have to stand on your side anyway. Would you still feel invaded?
The fact your patch is so bloody small, id honestly let it go. But in april, tell her and the gardener you are doing no mow may.
I would be delighted if someone would mow my annoying patch of grass out the front.
Having the weeds dealt with too is very handy.
Its a bit dramatic to say you have to go running around shutting windows when he cuts the grass, itd take 2 minutes at most for that size.

My parents have the same setup out front (but on a bigger scale), and my DF always mows nex tdoors as it illogical to stop half way. Hes also from a Generation where you take pride in your home, especially the front.
Next door always buy him Christmas presents as a thank you.

I do agree on the bin though 😬

I want to mow my grass when I want to mow it, I want to do no-mow May when I want, and I want to sweep my steps after I mow my grass so I don’t walk grass into the house. I want my bin left where the bin men leave it, which is still on my property and not in anyone’s way so I can park my car where I want to park it. I put it away at the end of the day in my back garden.

This all seems perfectly reasonable to me.

As she is not a reasonable person (a reasonable person would not mow down, no pun intended, another person's stated boundaries, and once asked to desist would not begin the behaviour again), there is not much point talking to her about the mowing. You need to catch the gardener and tell him your preferences. That is, get off my grass!

The bin issue you will need to bring up firmly and perhaps repeatedly with her.

I absolutely understand that feeling of boundary invasion setting off awful feelings post-abuse.

@Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink

you are being unreasonable
simple
be a good neighbour

Your being a dick. She’s saving you the hassle of doing small shitty jobs. Relax, deep breath. Don’t turn it into some power war. Just accept it and be thankful

She's 'helping' on her terms and making things uncomfortable for you while doing so. It doesn't matter whether someone else might be pleased to have these things done for them, you would rather have your house and gardens the way you want them!! I think you will have to find a way to ask her to leave the bins but hopefully you can approach the gardener and take care of that side of things directly.

@DysmalRadius

oh come on it’s a shared front and your live in a community.

yes you have right to your way but really it is not sorry it

why not just let it be as the place will look nice

Nail on head 👏

My older neighbours are just trained to bring in the bin as soon as the truck has been. Most others now have to bring it in after work the same day. But whereas I'm 30s and couldn't care less, my older neighbours watch for the bin men as a daily goal. So if it's important to them, then I'm not going to be petty enough to disagree. Just pull in the bin. Even that slight inconvenience , get out your car to move the bin up your drive. As neighbours you don't have to be friends but working together at times can matter

Absolutely kill with kindness op! Leave a lovely Christmas present and card for the gardener thanking him for the work he does but could he also sweep up the clippings after and you will let him know where to find the brush. Add other little jobs he might want to do for you like put the bin in the place you want it.

As for your elderly neighbour, thank her too and get her another present and card with a message to kindly let her know where you put would like her to leave the bin.

Never be mean or nasty to a neighbour, you have been warned!

Please send her my way😄bloody hell. You should have mine! Wait until you get someone in there who doesn’t give shit.

She sounds lovely I'd love a neighbour like her!

She’s doing your gardening for free, but you’re too busy and important ‘in between calls’ to ask her or the gardener to stop?

And she brings your bin in for you so that you can park while also ‘working from home’?

Well, just be thankful she doesn’t try and put your bin out for you too. What a nightmare neighbour…

The neighbour is not doing these things to be kind, she is doing them to make OP's property fit her demanding standards, des;ite being asked not to, ie it is controlling behaviour.

Remind me to walk past all these YABU! posters with my hairdressing scissors and give them a "free trim" to the length of my liking...