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Original poster

Should I buy my daughter and my niece the same gifts for Xmas day?

27 replies

DistressedLady · 07/12/2022 22:36

Hi all,

Both girls are 4 years old and will be spending Xmas day together. I don’t know the etiquette when buying for cousins the same age…. should I buy both daughter and niece the same/ similar gifts so as to treat them equally and so it doesn’t appear there’s a huge discrepancy in presents we give to our niece and our daughter.

Also we’re travelling a long way to spend Xmas day at my sister’s house… while my niece will open all her Xmas gifts on the day at home, we won’t be able to take all my daughter’s Xmas presents across in the car.

I don’t want my daughter feeling sad that her cousin has way more presents than her (even if I tell her the rest of her gifts are at home waiting for her, she’s too young to find appear there’s a huge discrepancy in presents we give to our niece and our daughter that thought comforting when she sees her cousin ripping open all her gifts on the day)

Totally appreciate it’s a first world problem but I’d appreciate any advice/ suggestions. And I totally get the sentiments of its not the quantity which matters but the quality - am just trying to put myself into my daughter’s shoes to see things from her perspective at this young age.

OP posts:
Original poster
DistressedLady · 07/12/2022 22:38

*even if I tell her the rest of her gifts are at home waiting for her, she’s too young to find that thought comforting when she sees her cousin ripping open all her gifts on the day

OP posts:
BourbonBiscuitsCustardCreamsorMarshmallows · 07/12/2022 22:45

Is your daughter going to be there when the main presents are being opened or is it the pile of open presents you are worried about? My DC went to their cousins every year and was happy getting the presents from aunts/uncles - taking one present with them to show to cousins... I think you may be overthinking this a little.

MelchiorsMistress · 07/12/2022 22:47

I’m not sure why you’d give your niece the same as your dd if they will be opening presents together and your niece will already have more to open. You are allowed to give your own dd something more special, although I’m sure you want to get your niece a nice gift too.

Any chance you could stage her presents and take a photo before you go, then pretend that Santa sent her a text message with a photo of the things that are waiting for her?

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Original poster
DistressedLady · 07/12/2022 22:56

MelchiorsMistress · 07/12/2022 22:47

I’m not sure why you’d give your niece the same as your dd if they will be opening presents together and your niece will already have more to open. You are allowed to give your own dd something more special, although I’m sure you want to get your niece a nice gift too.

Any chance you could stage her presents and take a photo before you go, then pretend that Santa sent her a text message with a photo of the things that are waiting for her?

Thanks so much, what wonderful ideas. Yes you’re right…. The goal is to ensure my daughter feels special even if she’s not opening all her pressies on Xmas day.

OP posts:
TheTeenageYears · 08/12/2022 00:07

It wouldn't be normal to treat DD & DN the same even if they are spending the day together. That is a separate issue to being in someone else's home on Christmas Day with only some of DD's presents. At 4 you are correct in that she really won't understand. Is there no way to take all her presents with you? Is it possible to take them in advance on the basis that once all the packaging is removed bringing them home with you won't be too difficult. I wouldn't travel until after presents have been opened at home if DD can't have all her presents with you at your DSis's on Christmas morning.

Original poster
DistressedLady · 08/12/2022 22:22

TheTeenageYears · 08/12/2022 00:07

It wouldn't be normal to treat DD & DN the same even if they are spending the day together. That is a separate issue to being in someone else's home on Christmas Day with only some of DD's presents. At 4 you are correct in that she really won't understand. Is there no way to take all her presents with you? Is it possible to take them in advance on the basis that once all the packaging is removed bringing them home with you won't be too difficult. I wouldn't travel until after presents have been opened at home if DD can't have all her presents with you at your DSis's on Christmas morning.

Thanks so much… you’re right, I’d naturally like to spend more on my daughter… unfortunately our car is too small so won’t be able to fit much in apart from our overnight bags, buggy and 2 kids at the back…!

OP posts:
Homemadearmy · 08/12/2022 22:42

Are you traveling down Christmas eve? And all waking up together, or going on Christmas day?
Is you are spending the eve there I would co ordinate with your sister so the girls have the same amount from Santa.

Original poster
DistressedLady · 08/12/2022 23:23

Homemadearmy · 08/12/2022 22:42

Are you traveling down Christmas eve? And all waking up together, or going on Christmas day?
Is you are spending the eve there I would co ordinate with your sister so the girls have the same amount from Santa.

We’ll be there on Xmas eve…. Great idea to co-ordinate with my sis on ensuring the girls have the same amount of gifts. Thank u

OP posts:
HDready · 08/12/2022 23:32

As pp said - I would take a photo of her presents at home to show her. And then really ham up the fact that the elves must have got confused about where she was for Christmas night, so gave Father Christmas the wrong message and her main presents are waiting for her at home.

At that age even a few presents can be overwhelming, so it will be good to spread them out anyway!

Brighteyedtriangle · 08/12/2022 23:39

Sorry but you need to pack her pressies on the roof if necessary. Neice will have plenty and sounds like on the day your daughter will have token presents.

You need to get her something special even small gifts so shes not hanging around watching neice open all hers. She just wont get hers are all at home.

Hugasauras · 08/12/2022 23:47

Ditch the buggy if you're only going for a night or so? I don't often bother with ours for overnights or short stays. Are you likely to be going anywhere where you'll need it on Christmas Day? Carrier?

waterrat · 08/12/2022 23:54

I think this sounds risky. We had similar kast xmas where my daughter ended up watching her cousins open lots if gifts and it was stressful tbh. There is such insane build up fir kids to xmas day i dont think a 4 year old will enjoy or cope with watching another child spend time opening exciting presents while they dont have the same. Tbh my 10 year old would struggle to enjoy thst.!

I think you need to take her gifts with you...i know its a pain we often travelled fir xmas in the past but for this reason have stopped doing it

Dinoteeth · 09/12/2022 00:02

Op you can't do that to a 4yo, Santa is meant to be magic and know where she is.

Options,
Use a courier and a big box, send her gifts to your sisters so they can magically appear on Christmas morning. Send your clothes back by courier if you need to.

I know someone who uses two cars, Mum, kids & clothes in one car straight after school on the Friday.
Dad travels after work Christmas Eve with the gifts.

TrixJax · 09/12/2022 00:10

I agree it's unfair to expect a 4 year to watch another child opening all their Christmas presents, when she doesn't have hers with her.
You either need to bring some with you or rearrange your travel so she opens her presents before you travel.

Hod far is it? Could you go on Christmas morning and then stay the night?

Dinoteeth · 09/12/2022 00:42

Op if her 'main' gift is particularly bulky, ie a bike or something, you could get away with leaving it and producing a photo that Santa sent of it in your living room beside the tree.
But I'd try to take the majority of her gifts with you, roof box, two cars, courier might not be as expensive as you think, leave the buggy behind - could you borrow a buggy at the other end if necessary?

TwoShades1 · 09/12/2022 02:19

I think you really need to work out a way of getting most of her presents there for xmas day. Either by taking 2 cars. Or sending some with a courier in advance. If you were just visiting for a portion of the day it would be fine. But her “whole” Christmas is going to be there!

Ponderingwindow · 09/12/2022 02:26

Her presents need to be there on Christmas morning. Ship them, get a trailer, but get them there. Otherwise rethink this trip.

you get your niece a gift appropriate for a niece. She will get parent level gifts from her parents.

SnowdaySewday · 09/12/2022 02:37

If you haven’t yet bought DD's presents then buy them online and get them delivered to your sister's house.

DingDonkey · 09/12/2022 07:45

HDready · 08/12/2022 23:32

As pp said - I would take a photo of her presents at home to show her. And then really ham up the fact that the elves must have got confused about where she was for Christmas night, so gave Father Christmas the wrong message and her main presents are waiting for her at home.

At that age even a few presents can be overwhelming, so it will be good to spread them out anyway!

This would be a terrible idea with my toddler! She would not let it go and would be fixated on Santa's mistake for the whole day, asking about it, wanting to go back home etc.

I'd speak to your sister and if it seems like there will be a massive discrepancy in presents then you'll really have to try and find some way to make that less. Do you really need your pushchair? How old is your second one?

DingDonkey · 09/12/2022 07:55

Also definitely don't buy the same gifts for your niece as you've bought for your daughter! I don't have nieces or nephews yet but when I do I would buy them one (very nice) gift each. That is what my siblings do for my kids and what my aunt's always did for me.

tinselvestsparklepants · 09/12/2022 08:10

Seriously can't you have a word with your family? Surely they'd understand and could give your neice some of her gifts early or late?

Doidontimmm · 09/12/2022 08:13

I took a 3 & 5 year old overseas for Christmas twice and only took a couple of presents, they got some from our friends we stayed with and they both were totally fine understanding Santa had left their gifts at home. It was fine. They didn’t bother that friends kids got more!

Bugbeau · 09/12/2022 09:14

Speaking from experience I would check that one isn’t getting something that the other really wants. Last year we got my daughter a scruff a luv dog having no idea that my niece also really wanted one but wasn’t getting one. It caused a lot of tears on the day and we ended up putting the toy away . (We did the. get my niece one for her birthday but would have obviously got it for Christmas had we known.

MargaretThursday · 09/12/2022 10:26

What we did when away was "ask" Santa if he'd mind delivering the stocking present once we were back. We normally chose a small local Santa to ask and they always made the children really excited about it. One time he told them to ring a bell when we got back, and another time he gave them a bag of oats "to attract the reindeer".

The on Christmas day they'd have 2-3 small things in their stocking (choose things they'll play with for a bit) to open on Christmas day and a note from "Santa" saying he'd got everything else ready to bring when we were ready.
Then the day after we got back we had our Christmas day with stockings and the presents to/from each other and a special meal.

The children loved it because they got two Christmas days.

MuggleMe · 09/12/2022 10:49

In your household does Santa bring everything or just the stocking? It's perfectly normal to spend more on your own child, it's not like dn doesn't have parents who are also buying for her.