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Original poster

Anyone had to decide when's best to have their pet put to sleep

57 replies

TattiePants · 07/12/2022 21:36

....and how did you make that decision?

Our cat is 19 so very elderly. She's always been in perfect health, although in the last year she's become very deaf and quite stiff meaning she can't groom herself very well - not bad considering she's 94 in cat years. In the summer she stopped eating and using her litter tray. She was diagnosed with early stage renal failure and gum disease. We changed her food to a soft renal diet and she perked back up.

Last month we noticed a large swelling under her mouth / jaw and it was causing her to drool constantly out of one side of her mouth. Ideally she would have been sedated for x-rays but that isn't an option due to her age. The vet thought it was most likely a tumour but gave her an antibiotic injection just in case it was an infection in her gums. The swelling subsided quite a bit so it's likely it is her gums although the vet can't be 100% sure. Ideally she would have some teeth out but again, that's not an option because of the sedation.

The swelling seems to be increasing again and the drooling is constant so we'll need to go back for another antibiotic injection but when do we decide enough is enough? We know she won't have much longer but she's eating, drinking, using her tray and wants to be with us all the time so seems happy. Equally, I'd hate for her to suffer or be in pain so will we know when the right time is or do we just have to guess? The vet's said not eating, drinking, using her tray or not wanting to be with us / touched would be signs to look out for but I'm just worried she could be unwell but masking it. Can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/12/2022 21:44

After a number of cats, I have come to the thought that when you think it will be time soon, the time is now. I'd rather put an animal to sleep a week, even a month too early than a day too late. If she has a recurrent jaw abscess then that must be painful and unpleasant for her, especially with the drooling

Plump82 · 07/12/2022 21:46

Rather a week too soon than a day too late. We made the decision to let our last cat go before she was really unwell. It was dignified, peaceful and calm.

SantaBakula · 07/12/2022 21:48

Unfortunately cats very good at hiding pain. I would say have a honest chat with your vet and be ready to expect the worse .
If one more injection helps her and she seems better then I think ( with the vets advice ) i would try one more time but after that I think it would be time to put her to sleep .

Many years ago I took my dog to the vets , she was about 18 and had developed what I though was a slight cough , the vet said no she has a growth in her wind pipe , with the combo of her age and the size of the growth there was nothing they could do about it and recommended they PTS right away .
I was devastated , we had grown up together so I said I wanted to take her home for one more night , it was the worst think I could of done the poor thing could hardly breath and in the small hours i had to call the emergency vet out to put her to sleep.

Now I will always think by a week early is better than a day to late .

It is such a hard decision to make though

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Cynderella · 07/12/2022 21:49

We've been in this situation, and every time it gets a bit easier to make the decision sooner rather than later. That said, it's even easier to make the decision when you're not emotionally invested, and it's someone else's pet. The fact that you're asking implies now is the time.

IScreamMonday · 07/12/2022 21:50

I have to agree that when you are wondering if it's kind to keep them alive, it's probably time. It's really emotional and difficult to decide what is best for them vs you. I was waking up hoping they'd died in their sleep so the onus wouldn't be on me. And that was a wake up call that I wasn't actually thinking about their wellbeing in the moment.

SantaBakula · 07/12/2022 21:50

X post with a few there , its good to know we agree on early rather than later

Original poster
TattiePants · 07/12/2022 21:50

I've been thinking the same, I'd rather she lost a few weeks of quality time then spend any time suffering or in pain. The vet gave us some pain relief but it made her really woozy and at one point I thought she'd died as I couldn't rouse her.

The vet would operate if we asked them to but they said the there is a strong likelihood of her not waking so compared to a calm and peaceful putting to sleep, we won't risk it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TattiePants · 07/12/2022 21:56

@SantaBakula that's what worries me, outwardly she's her same old self and seems very happy but what if she is hiding the pain?

@IScreamMonday I've worked from home for a long time so always though it was likely that I'd be the one to find her but then she just kept going! Our first cat was knocked over and killed instantly and out second cat just lay down next to our bed and died (suspected heart attack) so it's the first time we've been in this situation.

Sorry for everyone that's been in this situation.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 07/12/2022 22:03

Yes, twice. I very strongly believe that prolonging the life of a very sick animal is cruel. Animals cannot give consent, we impose our will on our pets in these circumstances and it’s just plain wrong. Don’t get me wrong, having my dogs PTS was 2 of the most awful things I have ever had to do in my life. But keeping them alive, in pain, no quality of life would have only been to make me feel better, not them.
Both times, the vets have said it’s our decision, but both times once we decided now was the time the vets agreed with us. I would much rather the vets say ‘your day is suffering, their time is over, let them go’ than us having to make the final decision.
In contrast, I’ve had another dog who I prevaricated over whether to PTS, and he died alone at home whilst we were out. That was far more upsetting. At least my other dogs died gently in my arms, having a cuddle.
Its truly the worst thing.

CranberryPecan · 07/12/2022 22:05

Mine had an infected tooth which swelled up a couple of times during his last 6 months, quite dramatically. Both times we got antibiotics and it went down.

When he finally went, it wasn't to do with the tooth, it was just obvious that he was fed up and done with life. He kept sitting in strange places and didn't want to interact. I knew he was done with life (he was 22).

Original poster
TattiePants · 07/12/2022 22:10

I think I’ll call the vets tomorrow and hopefully make an appointment for Friday when DH is back and get their opinion. Bless her, she looks such a mess. Her fur round her mouth, down her front and all her paws look dreadful with the constant drooling.

OP posts:
Remagirl · 07/12/2022 22:11

I had this earlier in the year with my lovely old doggie. She was 15 and had a lovely life with us and I could see her diminishing quite quickly, not quite enough to make me decide that today is the day kind of thing. I had a chat with our vet and they gave me a really helpful sheet that was a scale of how to assess quality of life. It had things on it like 'is able to keep herself clean' and is able to eat and drink adequately. There were around 12 assessment points. When the time came it was very apparent that it was time. I had the vet come to our home to have our pet pts in familiar surroundings. One thing she said to me that really stuck was 'better a day too soon than a day too late'. I hope this helps you xx

Original poster
TattiePants · 07/12/2022 22:16

@Remagirl your poor doggie. The one thing that she really can’t do is keep herself clean. We’re trying to wash her paws and down her front every couple of days but it doesn’t really help (and she hates it).

OP posts:
earsup · 07/12/2022 22:16

I did pop into vets to enquire about this as our lovely belgian hare rabbit was 12 years old, a very old rabbit !!...not eating much except his fruit..still drinking water....still moving around and nudging us and making his happy clicky noises.....heard a thud when i got home from the lounge and he had gone....but would have take him into vets the next day if he hadnt gone himself...i knew the end was close...he looked old and tired...always a difficult decsion....same thing happened to our other rabbit...was 10 years old...i did make the appointment...came home and she had gone ....

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 07/12/2022 22:23

Sorry you're on this position OP.

I had a similar decision to make a year ago with my cat. She was only 15 but was in heart failure. I was giving her multiple injections, tablets and liquids every day to keep her alive - I spent thousands over 4 months and while I don't regret the cost, I regret not making the decision sooner. I was being selfish and cowardly, and my son was begging me not to PTS. She really didn't want to be here, I believe. She just laid in her basket all day, only rousing to attempt to claw our eyes out when we tried to give her her meds. She also had increasingly frequent toilet accidents.

I feel very guilty for not making the decision weeks if not months before I did.

I ended up calling a vet who came to the house to euthanize her at home, which was a much more peaceful end than saying goodbye under the fluorescent lights at the vets - if you can afford this I would really recommend when the time comes.

Thinking of you Flowers

Honeyroar · 07/12/2022 22:23

It sounds like you’re noticing her decline, and her problems are coming more and more frequently. If you’re actually noticing her struggling, she’s probably quite bad.

We lost two dogs in the last five years. The first one was unfortunately left too late, and in hindsight probably suffered because of it, the other was put to sleep fairly early into his cancer, after a week of being spoiled rotten, before he’d started to really suffer. The death of the first dog still haunts me a bit even now. The death of the second dog leaves me knowing I absolutely did the right thing….

unsync · 07/12/2022 22:23

Mine just lost his twinkle in his eyes. He just looked at me one morning and I knew it was time. I still miss him, but he had a great life and a good death which is all you can wish for really.

PieonaBarm · 07/12/2022 22:26

Our lovely dog was 13. He went on an 8 mile walk two months before we made the decision but he just deteriorated so much we just knew the time was right. He stopped eating but was drinking. We paid a fortune for a vet to come to the house and he wagged his tail at him which almost broke my heart but it was right for him. He was just so thin in that short time that I think he had cancer. He didn't mind the vets but didn't like staying and didn't like the car and we wanted him to be calm and where he was most comfortable so he was on his favourite bed with me and his Dad with him in his front room by his fire. It was peaceful and quick and I don't regret a penny of it. He was my boy, I miss him
Immeasurably, it's the hardest thing I've ever done but we did what was right for him. You'll know when it's right and what is right for your pusscat, big hugs from us here x

Roundaboot · 07/12/2022 22:28

Oh bless her!
We had to put our old boy to sleep a couple of months ago. He was 17. He'd been gradually declining but was still quite spritely and had a good quality of life. Then he went downhill quite quickly - he started vomiting and weeing everywhere and the vet thought it was probably a bowel obstruction, possibly cancer. Like your cat, his age meant that sedation was out of the question so there wasn't anything they could do for him and the kindest thing was to let him go. I've never had to have a pet PTS before but it really was very peaceful and calm and he didn't suffer at the end. I would have felt dreadful if he'd had a vomiting fit and choked- that would have been a horrible way to go.
Anyway, it does sound like it's your girl's time. It does get to a point where there's nothing else that can be done to improve the quality of life.

Original poster
TattiePants · 07/12/2022 22:35

She’s been spoilt rotten the last few days whilst DH is away. She’s been sleeping on his side of the bed (snoring nearly as loudly as he does) and shared my prawns for lunch. I’m hoping that if we see a vet this week that they can confirm she’s ok to come home for the weekend so we can spoil her then make arrangements for early next week. The DCs aren’t little (16 & 12) but they’ll be devastated.

OP posts:
Whitegrenache · 07/12/2022 22:39

Our 11 year old ddog had an oral
Tumour and the drooling got progressively worse and started to smell despite steroids and antibiotics. She also lost a lot of weight so we made the decision to PTS last month. We were devastated but it was absolutely the right thing to do and extremely peaceful

Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2022 22:42

Yes. She had heart disease and then her kidneys packed up. I had her bloods done as she'd lost weight. And suddenly realised how I'll she actually was, and I just knew it was time. Waited for the results to come back. For my peace of mind, then she was PTS the same day. No doubts it was the right time.

KnottyKnitting · 07/12/2022 22:49

I am in exactly the same position with my old dog( 15 and a half) She is very deaf and has cataracts, vestibular disease so is very unbalanced, heart failure, arthritis and recently diagnosed with bowel cancer. We came very close to losing her a few weeks ago but steroids have really perked her up. She is still rootling for food and gets very excited for her dinner and doesn't seem to be in any pain but we have to take her out in the garden as she falls over when she poops so we have to support her with a harness. We also get a lot of accidents in the house. The vet can't predict how much longer she has but we know she is on borrowed time. I am wondering how long we can go on like this as we basically can't leave her so it's very limiting.

PeopleAreTheWorst · 07/12/2022 22:51

When you know you've done all you can for your pet but you know you've done it for them and not for you.
I'm a big believer that the 'tell' you they've had enough. My last two dogs gave me a look that said 'I've had enough'
I lost my wonderful dog two weeks ago today and whilst I'm incredibly sad about it I have no regrets or guilt about putting her to sleep because I know we had tried everything and it was time to do right by her. Her final journey was incredibly peaceful. I held her throughout. She felt no pain and just heard me telling her how much we all loved her.

Syrax · 07/12/2022 22:59

Rather a week too soon than a day too late

This. A thousand times this.

OP, this is the shit part of pet ownership and I don’t envy you. But I’ve just known with my last 3 cats (14, 17 and 21 years old respectively). If she’s eating, drinking, is sociable and seems her normal self, in my view it’s worth waiting just a little.

I haven’t read the whole thread but even from your initial post it’s clear you care deeply about her and you’ll make the right decision at the right time.

Thinking of you.