Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Anyone had to decide when's best to have their pet put to sleep

57 replies

TattiePants · 07/12/2022 21:36

....and how did you make that decision?

Our cat is 19 so very elderly. She's always been in perfect health, although in the last year she's become very deaf and quite stiff meaning she can't groom herself very well - not bad considering she's 94 in cat years. In the summer she stopped eating and using her litter tray. She was diagnosed with early stage renal failure and gum disease. We changed her food to a soft renal diet and she perked back up.

Last month we noticed a large swelling under her mouth / jaw and it was causing her to drool constantly out of one side of her mouth. Ideally she would have been sedated for x-rays but that isn't an option due to her age. The vet thought it was most likely a tumour but gave her an antibiotic injection just in case it was an infection in her gums. The swelling subsided quite a bit so it's likely it is her gums although the vet can't be 100% sure. Ideally she would have some teeth out but again, that's not an option because of the sedation.

The swelling seems to be increasing again and the drooling is constant so we'll need to go back for another antibiotic injection but when do we decide enough is enough? We know she won't have much longer but she's eating, drinking, using her tray and wants to be with us all the time so seems happy. Equally, I'd hate for her to suffer or be in pain so will we know when the right time is or do we just have to guess? The vet's said not eating, drinking, using her tray or not wanting to be with us / touched would be signs to look out for but I'm just worried she could be unwell but masking it. Can anyone offer any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
TattiePants · 07/12/2022 23:06

Thank you for all your kind words and advice and sorry to everyone that’s gone through this. I’ve left the bedroom door open in case she wants to come in for a cuddle and I’ll call the vet tomorrow. This was her a couple of months ago before she started looking so bedraggled!

Anyone had to decide when's best to have their pet put to sleep
OP posts:
dubyalass · 07/12/2022 23:13

Awww, what a lovely puss.

I still feel guilty about having my cat PTS - he was 17 and declining, losing weight, not really eating and looking listless; the vet had found an obstruction in his bowel and I couldn't afford to have it investigated. He also had eye problems and hated me giving him his meds. He was the best cat (aren't they all) and I do wonder if whatever was wrong could have been treated, but I didn't want to put him through it.

I really want to get another cat but I am dreading having to say goodbye to them eventually! I had to take a couple of days off after he was PTS - I was broken.

RoseLemon · 07/12/2022 23:13

Agree with what everyone else has said. Better a month too soon than a day too late. If your cat is struggling to clean herself and drooling constantly amongst the general decline then it sounds like it would be kindest to pts. You know her best, the fact sheet a PP mentioned can be very useful.

It's incredibly hard. Making the decision and that phonecall to the vets is awful. But if you are thinking it then I'd say it's time.

I've sadly had to make the decision on a few pets, large and small, and hand on heart the ones I've held onto "to give them another week" or "to try another medication" are the ones I've regretted not letting go sooner.

I've found the 'best' way (as heartbreaking as it is) is to make the decision, book the appointment (at home if possible) and plan how you will spoil them in their last few days / hours so that you can properly say goodbye and they can pass away peacefully in your arms hearing how much you love them. Choose the calm route and not an emergency desperate rush to the vets with a dying pet as that is horrific.

Sending hugs and gentle stokes to your wee girl x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cats
RoseLemon · 07/12/2022 23:14

What a gorgeous girl @TattiePants

userxx · 07/12/2022 23:26

KnottyKnitting · 07/12/2022 22:49

I am in exactly the same position with my old dog( 15 and a half) She is very deaf and has cataracts, vestibular disease so is very unbalanced, heart failure, arthritis and recently diagnosed with bowel cancer. We came very close to losing her a few weeks ago but steroids have really perked her up. She is still rootling for food and gets very excited for her dinner and doesn't seem to be in any pain but we have to take her out in the garden as she falls over when she poops so we have to support her with a harness. We also get a lot of accidents in the house. The vet can't predict how much longer she has but we know she is on borrowed time. I am wondering how long we can go on like this as we basically can't leave her so it's very limiting.

So many issues, bless her. My dog was the same on steroids, food obsessed, it's so hard to let them go but it's the kindest thing.

Georgeskitchen · 07/12/2022 23:27

Yes we had 2 elderly cats and an elderly dog pts ( not all at the same time!!) If you feel it's time, then it's time. I'm not an advocate of keeping elderly animals going on expensive drugs, which just prolongs the suffering. The greatest act of kindness is to let them go peacefully, and having witnessed it, it is very peaceful. They just go to sleep ❤

Maverickess · 07/12/2022 23:45

I had my elderly dog PTS 2 years ago and the day I decided to was the day I realised I'd let it go too far.
She was just generally elderly at nearly 17, the vets were always happy with her, but she had either a small cut or some muck imbedded in her bottom jaw that got infected, the vet said it may have been an ingrowing hair because there was nothing to see before the infection started and it wasn't teeth. We tried a few courses of antibiotics and they didn't work.
I was offered an operation to cut out the infected tissue after antibiotics didn't work and I ummed and ahhed and then decided to go ahead as it would just be sedation and not anaesthetic. I really wish I hadn't because she survived the OP absolutely fine but went downhill fast and just didn't really recover, there was another 3 loads of antibiotics and it did actually start to heal but by that point it had taken it out of her, she was wobbly, hardly eating and sleeping all the time. She looked at me one day and I realised that I should have done it sooner, not had the OP and had her PTS when the different antibiotics didn't work first time around and saved her the last few months of being pulled about and declining slowly, getting tablets into her, cleaning the wound etc.
She had dementia and the OP, or rather the recovery was too much. I feared it would be but didn't think I couldn't give her the chance - I really wish I hadn't done it now.

I'm so sorry you're facing this, it's heartbreaking but absolutely as everyone else has said - better a week too early than a day too late.

Much love to you and your lovely cat, she looks adorable 💐.

PeopleAreTheWorst · 08/12/2022 00:19

TattiePants · 07/12/2022 22:35

She’s been spoilt rotten the last few days whilst DH is away. She’s been sleeping on his side of the bed (snoring nearly as loudly as he does) and shared my prawns for lunch. I’m hoping that if we see a vet this week that they can confirm she’s ok to come home for the weekend so we can spoil her then make arrangements for early next week. The DCs aren’t little (16 & 12) but they’ll be devastated.

My older two are 16 and 13. They were really upset but had seen the rapid decline and so could see why we had made the decision. It's awful but they knew it was the only option c

PeopleAreTheWorst · 08/12/2022 00:19

Toddlerteaplease · 07/12/2022 22:42

Yes. She had heart disease and then her kidneys packed up. I had her bloods done as she'd lost weight. And suddenly realised how I'll she actually was, and I just knew it was time. Waited for the results to come back. For my peace of mind, then she was PTS the same day. No doubts it was the right time.

Pretty much exactly what happened with my girl. So sorry x

VikingLady · 08/12/2022 00:38

I'm so sorry. It's the worst part of pet ownership.

I asked the vet what she'd do if he was her cat, and she said she'd put him to sleep. So we did. There's no way they'd recommend it unnecessarily. It's not as if they make anything from it - they'd have made thousands from treating our old man, so it was clearly a humane decision.

Still the hardest decision I've made though.

Pidgeonslipshit · 08/12/2022 00:48

I still cry when I think about the day my JRT was PTS …absolutely nothing planned but she had been poorly and had all the signs of cushings disease !
It was a heatwave in 2019 and she fell down the stairs …no injuries but I just new that my little dog had,had enough. I can honestly say that all human beings should be allowed to make similar choices!

Moonatics · 08/12/2022 00:58

Like many pp I've had to make the decision and sometimes got it wrong.
I too stand by rather a week early than a day too late.

They get to go peacefully, with their loved humans. Still happy, not in pain, not stressed because 2 hours ago you were trying to get a tablet in them or they were just back from the vets again or similar.

My mistakes have always been down to me not wanting to lose them, but its inevitable that we lose them. My last cat was 15, had cancer and was either going to cost thousands in operations and drugs or die on the table. I chose to pts before we even got to that stage.
But one of my first dogs who saw me through a very tough time, I didnt want him to go. I kept him days longer than I should have done, for me, not for him. Looking back that was very selfish of me.

Original poster
TattiePants · 08/12/2022 08:43

I've booked a vet appointment for this afternoon. Best case they can give her an antibiotic injection, we can bring her home for the weekend and make a big fuss of her then make arrangements for early next week. Obviously if the vet thinks differently then I’ll have to make different plans but ideally the DCs and DH would want to say goodbye. She’s in such a mess this morning.

Anyone had to decide when's best to have their pet put to sleep
OP posts:
FiveShelties · 08/12/2022 08:50

It is a dreadful decision to make, but it is the last thing a caring owner can do for a much loved pet.

I am so sorry @TattiePants

WheelofLife · 08/12/2022 09:02

I am so sorry @TattiePants

It’s such a heart breaking decision to make. I knew my old dog was struggling but my partner kept thinking that he would ‘come good’ until the morning he couldn’t stand up any more and I knew we’d left it to late. We had the vet come to our home and that helped. It’s an awful time. Sending you virtual hand hold x

Mardyface · 08/12/2022 09:07

Oh what a lovely cat. You have given her a brilliant life. Vets don't put healthy pets down so if the vet will do it, it's time. It's such a hard decision but it is a noble choice. Best wishes to you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2022 09:28

Yes, and both times TBH we left it a bit too late, because it’s such a horrible decision to have to make. Lost both dog and cat - had both for 14 years plus - within 6 weeks. 😥
I do echo getting the vet to call at the house if you possibly can - we were very lucky that ours was willing to make house calls.

OldReliable · 08/12/2022 09:46

KnottyKnitting · 07/12/2022 22:49

I am in exactly the same position with my old dog( 15 and a half) She is very deaf and has cataracts, vestibular disease so is very unbalanced, heart failure, arthritis and recently diagnosed with bowel cancer. We came very close to losing her a few weeks ago but steroids have really perked her up. She is still rootling for food and gets very excited for her dinner and doesn't seem to be in any pain but we have to take her out in the garden as she falls over when she poops so we have to support her with a harness. We also get a lot of accidents in the house. The vet can't predict how much longer she has but we know she is on borrowed time. I am wondering how long we can go on like this as we basically can't leave her so it's very limiting.

Im sure you don't want to hear this but if that was my dog id be making the appointment. She's never going to get any better than she is now, the only way is downhill - and it already sounds like that dogs quality of life is - sorry to say it - very poor. Being able to eat is a very low bar for a decent quality of life. She can't control her bowels, can't hear, probably can't see very well, can't stand up to poo. If she was mine id have let her go long before now.

Same for op's cat. There's no realistic treatment to give such an elderly cat. Keeping them alive at all costs at such an elderly age with serious health conditions is not in the animals best interests. I'm glad to see op has made a plan - it's never easy but it's the right thing to do.

Towcat15 · 08/12/2022 10:02

She’s lovely op and sorry you’re going through this, I’ve just had the same with my 17 year old and my experience was that I dealt with two vets - first one kept pushing treatment and gently suggesting it might work but it could be the end etc, then the next day I spoke to a different one who said he had reached the end and (in the nicest way possible) he probably should have gone a couple of years ago when he started to get ill.

needless to say the guilt I’m feeling at knowing how much he must have suffered, yet to me he still had his sparkle in his eyes, enjoyed cuddles, was eating like a horse etc.

then another cat we had put down due to early stage dementia and it felt like we were doing it months too early but we saved her a lot of misery.

It never feels like the right time but just know they had a good life with you and you did your best Flowers

Original poster
TattiePants · 08/12/2022 17:09

UPDATE: Sadly our lovely old lady was put to sleep this afternoon as the infection in her jaw had spread and she was quite dehydrated. The vet said she could give her medication so I could take her home so everyone could say goodbye as long as she was brought back within the next 2 days. Once I knew she was that poorly then that was the decision made and I couldn't have put her through anything else. It's incredibly sad and I'm dreading telling the DCs tonight but it was a very calm and peaceful end and she had a bloody brilliant life.

OP posts:
Roundaboot · 08/12/2022 17:20

I'm sorry for your loss @TattiePants You did the right thing, it wouldn't have been in her best interests to prolong it.

I thought my 14 year old DS would be devastated when we lost our cat as he completely adored him and had been really upset last year when the cat was poorly and we thought we might lose him. But actually, I think it was quite distressing for DS to see the cat as unwell as he was in the last week of his life, and it was actually a relief when he went.

I hope your DCs take it well. It really is the worst part of being a pet owner

Maverickess · 08/12/2022 17:22

So sorry @TattiePants but the right decision for your dear cat, sending love 💐

OldReliable · 08/12/2022 17:22

You absolutely did the right thing to let her go today. What a wonderful last thing you did for your beloved cat.

Roundaboot · 08/12/2022 17:22

Sorry, pressed post too soon...

I also wanted to say that we used this company to cremate our cat and DP (being a soppy old bugger!) spent extra on paw prints etc. We're going to bury the ashes in the garden and plant some flowers over it in the spring.

Piffle11 · 08/12/2022 17:31

Sorry to hear that, Tattie. You did the right thing by your beautiful girl x