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Original poster

My size 26 trousers are tight on me (TW eating disorder)

27 replies

bingestarvepurge · 04/12/2022 23:42

They’re bloody elasticated too .

I weigh about 23-23 and a half stone .

I hate myself . I hate my size, I hate my stomach, I hate the fact that I have to lift up the fat to wash underneath it in the shower . I hate the fact that I wheeze when I walk sometimes and I struggle to even do the dishes some days because my back hurts so much .

I’ve been to the GP who said to go to weight watchers but I can’t get my head in the right mind set . I’ve had three major bereavements, and dealing with historic abuse in childhood and assault, and I’m not coping well, I’m back and forth to crisis team fairly regularly . GP said potentially medication is having an effect . I don’t leave the house now unless someone’s with me and that hardly ever happens, so I hardly ever leave the house - and I’ve no energy to go for a walk anyway .

I fucking hate myself for doing this to myself . I don’t know how to stop . I can’t eat a normal size portion, I had four slices of toast for breakfast yesterday then a big tasty from McDonald’s, 6 chicken nuggets, 4 of those cheese things, a McFlurry, a brownie and a cookie .

I used to make myself vomit it back up but I ended up with horrendous acid reflux so try not to do that now.

I don’t know how to get control back and I’m scared my weight’s going to kill me . Whenever I think about dieting I feel like I’m being punished so I give up within days .

OP posts:
Footmassageplease · 05/12/2022 00:03

It's so so difficult. I can empathise with you. I don't have much in the way of advice because I'm also at at a loose end with my weight & mental health.

I am 18stone & a size 22. I'd be a lot bigger if my job wasn't so physically demanding. Do you have any dumbbells that you can use at home? Exercise equipment?

Please feel free to privately message me lf you'd like to talk. Trust me, you're not alone.

randomuser2020 · 05/12/2022 00:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Felicity42 · 05/12/2022 00:37

You could do therapy? You can do it over Zoom now so you can do it from home. Look for some who specialises in eating problems.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
AnnieSnap · 05/12/2022 01:06

Diets don’t work. All of the evidence shows that. If they did, people wouldn’t have to keep doing them yo-yo dieting is actually really bad for us. At your weight, the evidence shows it’s nearly impossible to deal with the problem by dieting. Bariatric surgery has come a long way over recent decades and is now a much safer surgery than many common surgeries. I suggest researching it and if you think it might be for you, perhaps ask your GP for a referral. If you can afford it privately, you can ring your local private hospital and arrange an appointment with a Consultant General Surgeon who will discuss options with you and help you decide if any of those options are right for you. Whatever you do, don’t keep doing what you have always done, or nothing will change and we only get one life. I know several people who have had bariatric surgery and the only regret any off them have had is that they didn’t have the surgery sooner.

Gilead · 05/12/2022 06:30

A family member had an eating disorder; he was 36 stone when he went for his gastric sleeve. He has lost 100lbs since June and can do so much more than before, no backache, thrush in ski folds and no sweat sores. As pp said, only regret was not doing it sooner.

bollocksitshappenedagain · 05/12/2022 06:45

AnnieSnap · 05/12/2022 01:06

Diets don’t work. All of the evidence shows that. If they did, people wouldn’t have to keep doing them yo-yo dieting is actually really bad for us. At your weight, the evidence shows it’s nearly impossible to deal with the problem by dieting. Bariatric surgery has come a long way over recent decades and is now a much safer surgery than many common surgeries. I suggest researching it and if you think it might be for you, perhaps ask your GP for a referral. If you can afford it privately, you can ring your local private hospital and arrange an appointment with a Consultant General Surgeon who will discuss options with you and help you decide if any of those options are right for you. Whatever you do, don’t keep doing what you have always done, or nothing will change and we only get one life. I know several people who have had bariatric surgery and the only regret any off them have had is that they didn’t have the surgery sooner.

They may work for some but it sounds like the OP has a lot of other issues she is dealing with alongside it.

My experience is if you take away the crutch of eating it causes a bigger problem.I have experience of this with a relative and their MH became far far worse as they could not rely on eating to give comfort.

Totalfusion · 05/12/2022 06:49

If you can afford Saxenda try it, its the best thing I ever did. I've lost 7 stone, no longer taking Saxenda but still maintaining. It's changed my life.

Oblomov22 · 05/12/2022 07:02

Push your GP for ozempic or similar.

Chocolate23 · 05/12/2022 07:03

Totalfusion · 05/12/2022 06:49

If you can afford Saxenda try it, its the best thing I ever did. I've lost 7 stone, no longer taking Saxenda but still maintaining. It's changed my life.

Can I ask how heavy you were to start with and did you have any side effects? I need to lose 5 stone and I am contemplating saxenda after Christmas

BruisedPear · 05/12/2022 07:06

I second the weight loss injections.
I tried ozempic for my binge eating and it’s like a switch has gone off in my brain. The only food I’ve craved on it is apples and the one time I did over eat McDonald’s I felt so sick and got diarrhoea it was like I had food poisoning.
Also now take away and fast food tastes strange as well and I no longer feel compelled to over eat. I can have a biscuit not the whole pack.

It’s honestly been life changing. If you can afford it it’s worth a try! The side effects were minimal at the start just some headaches and nausea.
Good luck 💐 I hope you find a way to get the weight down. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Joystir59 · 05/12/2022 07:08

Therapy with an eating disorder specialist, to address the long standing effects of past trauma, also meditation practice focussed on self compassion and acceptance. Prayer, asking for help. Go back to the GP and ask to be referred for psychotherapy. I have disordered eating due to emotional trauma. You have to stop punishing yourself and learn to care for yourself. Every good wish going out to you ❤️

Totalfusion · 05/12/2022 07:08

@Chocolate23 I was 18st 5lb to start with and suffered no major side effect, just a bit of constipation on and off. I did not increase the dose as per the instructions, I kept on each dose for as long as it was working for me. Not sure if that's why I didn't suffer really with side effects of I was just lucky.

Totalfusion · 05/12/2022 07:14

@Chocolate23 just to add, along with the injection I calorie counted using MyFitnessPal (I still do this to maintain) and once I'd lost the bulk of the weight I also took up walking for excercise and joined the gym.

CheapWine · 05/12/2022 07:21

How many mg of the drug does the pen hold? I’ve just been reading about Saxenda and it is expensive, the plan suggests an increasing dose, then maintenance dose.

just trying to work out what six months would cost?

Guitarbar · 05/12/2022 07:28

Firstly it's a really hard but important step to recognise and admit you are struggling so fair play. Unfortunately GPs are often dismissive of issues around weight, whilst stuff like WWs helps some (although I'm not convinced it teaches a healthy approach to food tbh), it doesn't address the underlying issues. Without armchair diagnosing, but going by what you have said, it seems that the binge/overeating is triggered by processing trauma and the emotions around that, it's a very real thing; it's not about not understanding nutrition or having no self control, it's being poorly. Until you address those causations you won't be successful even with the best will in the world. Its really hard to access mental health support, but I would reach out to your GP again and if you feel able to explain what you have here.

Igmum · 05/12/2022 07:34

This was me OP. Eating in an insane way, total self destruction and I could not stop (I was bursting out of size 24). I couldn't put my socks on without a struggle, walked with a stick and still binged like crazy. The only thing that helped me was Overeaters Anonymous www.oagb.org.uk/. Based on AA it sees overeating as a disease that is physical, emotional and spiritual. There is no charge, it's entirely run on donations. Bits can be strange but I have found good sanity here which is so amazing. I now eat three meals a day with nothing in between. There are some foods I don't eat because they are way too triggering for me. I feel so much better on every level.

Try a few meetings and see what you think. There's loads online almost 24 hours a day and there are also F2f meetings too. Please DM me if you have any questions

unsync · 05/12/2022 07:38

Listen to Clair Mackenzie podcasts. www.thebestyou.coach/ this will help you sort your head out.

Beautiful3 · 05/12/2022 07:41

Gastric sleeve and hypnotherapy. I had hypnotherapy to deal with something, and it actually worked. Love yourself.

Forfrigz · 05/12/2022 07:45

I'm sorry to read this OP, I know the weight is an issue but the biggest issue is definitely how you're feeling and the mental side of things. It all comes together to make you feel awful and that's not right. You deserve to be happy and I hope you know that. I really hope you find a way that works for you soon.

HermioneWeasley · 05/12/2022 07:46

OP you can’t hate yourself into a version of you that you love.

arw you genuinely hungry when you over eat, or is it for other reasons?

Boooooot · 05/12/2022 07:47

Is there a local eating disorder service you can self refer to? I’ve done that and am now waiting for therapy to start, not sure what the wait is. I’m feeling positive about it though.

hobbledyhoy · 05/12/2022 07:57

That sounds so tough OP. I sympathise and know what it's like to feel like your body is working against you in terms of cravings etc
There's been lots of good suggestions and just shows how many different approaches there are to weight loss.
It's generally agreed now that the most efficient and impactful way to lose weight is through diet rather than exercise. Exercise is good but it's not the easiest way to lose weight, best for strength and overall health.

I've always struggled with my weight but have used intermittent fasting and have lost 3 stone and managed to maintain. I find it relatively easy as you get into a habit and I find that my body craves more food if I eat earlier.
Some of the science behind it is interesting and the NHS are also starting to use it rather than the WW referrals (which I think never works ultimately because it doesn't change habits or food types it just places restrictions)
Fast 800 is the book I read.
Good luck OP. Things will get better.

ittakes2 · 05/12/2022 07:59

I have inattentive adhd and it can trigger chaotic eating as we are impulsive. It’s under diagnosed in women - people think adhd is a busy body but it can also be a busy mind. It’s very common in the neuro diverse to have eating regulation issues. Please google inattentive adhd and see if it applies. Sometime trauma in life can be a red herring and underlying issues is neuro diversity. I wish you the best.

RaisingH · 05/12/2022 09:15

@CheapWine at full dose one pen last 6 days. I did not increase my does until I felt the dose I was on had stopped working for me. I've just looked at my order history and in total I used 24 pens from Jan to Sept during which time I lost 6 stone. After this I decide try without the pens and lost a further stone just calorie counting and am now maintaining.

AnnieSnap · 05/12/2022 10:45

bollocksitshappenedagain · 05/12/2022 06:45

They may work for some but it sounds like the OP has a lot of other issues she is dealing with alongside it.

My experience is if you take away the crutch of eating it causes a bigger problem.I have experience of this with a relative and their MH became far far worse as they could not rely on eating to give comfort.

Show quote history

Yes, you’re right of course. I partly had this in mind when I spoke of discussing options that may be right for her. NHS Bariatric services have Psychologists on staff and in the UK, good Surgeons who work privately also draw on Psychology as part of an assessment. Sometimes though one aspect of relying on food for comfort/anxiety management etc is due to or very exacerbated by feeling trapped in a very large body. I agree it’s very complex though.