To find it frustrating that plp don’t seem to understand we don’t have family support

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Another invite to a birthday and another time when only one of us can go…and yet another “oh but why can’t you both come “etc
I have been a parent 11 years and I have an extremely hands off family , always been the same even when the dcs were tiny and I was struggling or sleep deprived, I’ve brought 3 small dcs into dental appointments , been ill but on my own with all three, no one goes to parks with me , no one spends any time with us, they’ve never been in a car with family , no overnights, absolutely nothing etc . I did ask a couple things of times for help when I was v stuck but it was made v v clear they don’t want to and a lot of complicated planning back and forth on the two times they were looked after in 11 years, they simply don’t want to and that’s it . On my dh’s it’s also impossible due to mental health problems and other issues which make it not possible unfortunately.
We do have babysitter and can get out for a drinks or cinema but we can’t leave them with a 16 year old overnight or for a weekend. It’s also a tenner an hour so expensive even for the odd night . I just find it frustrating and kind of embarrassing, for years we have had the same conversations with plp re weddings, birthdays , events etc etc. We make an effort one of us going and we swap over but we can’t go together and tbh it’s a bit crap but that’s the way it is. Just feel a bit upset as another invite , one of us will go and we are all uni friends from years ago and I’ve gotten the same questions; but why? Etc etc

If it was my sibling I would just have it out with them ' I could really do with a night away would you mind sitting with your nieces and nephews'?
Saying that having a break was the one rare upside of my divorce as we had no help prior. My parents are individually severely mentally ill (dad) and mum was still bringing up my much younger siblings. My DS (25) was babysat twice and youngest never.

We’re similar OP, don’t really have anyone. We have someone every now and then and save it for the really special things, like a wedding, or for something just the two of us. To the contrary though, I find loads of people are in the same boat to be honest. I was at a birthday party on Friday and there was only one couple in my group of friends, everyone else was on their own with husband / wife at home with the kids.
it’s not the end of the world really!

When I asked my sibling directly they seemed mortified, it’s like the elephant in the room tbh , they visit is lots too, they just point blank won’t help . They don’t want to and that’s that.
Honestly it’s not something we can solve but I really do have hope for when we are older . In our late 40’s our kids will all be uni age and late teens, hopefully if our health stays good etc we’ll enjoy lots of time together. We adore our children so love being with them. Think we just have to be more forthright and say , “look we’ll never be able to go together to this and that as we just can’t leave the kids, it’s just more plps reactions like “even now , you still can’t get away “ but obviously hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes .

Same, a lot of people I know have amazing family support 😞 and no they defo don't have a clue how hard it is. So just having the one child as its too hard on our own xx

When you write plp, do you mean ppl as in people?

Exactly the same here. Although my children are getting older now.

When children were younger, my husband and I would take a couple of days off together each year during the week when children were at school to have birthday or anniversary dates. Eg. Lunch out or a matinée show.

Cost of babysitter in the evenings always cost more than we'd spend when out. :(

@WhistlingInWhistler , sorry , yes, people

@PenguinTattoo that’s so true and we try and do that now, at 10 euros an hour it gets v expensive on top of a night out etc!

@Cynderella 🙄

We are the same a very close family unit which is l

Sorry my message above posted accidentally before I could finish. We are a very close family unit and I think the lack of support has had the added bonus of lack of interference from others too. It's unfortunate but people don't get it if they don't live it. They can't imagine what it's like to never get help. It like an alternate reality. I know someone who believes unless there child is with there elderly and unwell grandparent overnight at least 2 to 3 nights a week they are not "getting a break". I wonder when the grandparent is able to get a break and see her other grandkids.

We have no family help and DC has complex needs so can't be left with a random sitter or go on play dates/sleepovers. It is bloody hard and yes, I often feel like we are the only ones who get no breaks.

Recently, DH has started taking the odd week day off while DC is at school so we can go out for a date together during the day, it's not ideal but its something!

Same here. It's been a factor in me giving up work as I have DC with additional needs that was often too ill for nursery.

It's rubbish isn't it. We're in a similar boat, but our children are younger so it hasn't gone on as long as for you. 3 years almost. What really annoys me, and irrationally so, is when friends who have help say things like "Oh my gosh I know, it's so hard isn't it". Wellll you've been to the theatre twice and for several dinners and you take your mother on holiday with you so that you can go out in the evenings on holiday child-free. I know it isn't a competition, and that everyone can find things difficult no matter their help, but I'd love someone to say "yeah, that must be bloody hard".