My teenagers are quite nice

[TinfoilTwat]

You don't often hear the positives of living with teenagers. I have to say, mine are pretty decent people.
They work hard, get good grades, volunteer their time to coach their sports in the local primary school. They're funny. They are brave and passionate about life. I genuinely enjoy their company and feel very lucky to live with them.

We are having a very scaled back Christmas this year because we're spending all available money on me doing a course next year. No complaints from them; "Mum, we'll just eat gruel for a year. Do the course. We're proud of you!"

(Disclaimer: Yes, they also play about 64 hours of videogames a day and have a functional blindness that does not allow them to see used cups and plates, and they leave sweet-wrappers in the living room, and have extraordinarily bad haircuts, and steal my shoes, and stay up until 3am if I don't stop them...)

Tell me about your lovely teenagers.

Mine were lovely as teens and are now lovely as adults. Last one is still a teen. I always got told what lovely boys I have during the sports years. One was challenging but never, ever in the way he interacted with me. More in the boundaries he pushed. I've never been sworn at or spoken to with anything other than respect. Mine are truly great people and I couldn't be prouder of them ❤️

Me too, I'm thinking what do I have, envy. It will get better, and it will, because you are doing your best and they know it. They know it means so much, that you thinking double, they know you're doing it xxx that it so important to your teen, with you all the way and back x

Mine are 13, 16 and 19 and have never had 1 teenage tantrum and think myself very fortunate.

A massive dollop of luck, I think.
And then on top of that:
Treat them like people. Let them know you're a person too.
Support them when they screw up. Be honest and make changes when you screw up.
High expectations.
Reward effort, not results.

Lovely thread. It's nice to see people saying positive things!

I've got 2 teens, they're bloody fantastic, love the bones of them both.

DS 13 is funny, gives the best cuddles, has a brew ready for me when I get home from work and is just the loveliest human being. He works hard and is a fantastic musician .

DD 14 is the kindest person I know, she's always there for her friends, volunteers as a young leader for scouts and works so hard at school. She's a talented artist and values spending time with us all.

The best thing about them both is how close they are to each other. They've totally got each others backs, they often nip to the shop and always buy their sibling sweets if they get any for themselves. They're each others biggest cheerleader and willingly attend each others shows/concerts even if it means missing something that they were attending. They spend time jamming together, dd is singing as singer in ds's band as theirs has left even though it means missing her lie in on Saturday mornings to attend rehersals. They spend so much time huddled together roaring laughing at God knows what on youtube. They're ace. 😍

This is a lovely thread - great to hear about everyone's lovely teenagers.

My twins are only toddlers, and from other MN threads, teens are supposed to be such hard work. So great to hear they can be lovely too.

Similar here. Life is not fair, you are not the centre of the universe and sometimes the answer is no.
We have raised our girls to be confident and outspoken. To stand up for themselves and others. To know their strengths and their weaknesses. To try the hard things but know we are there to catch them.
We always eat dinner together and set boundaries. They had screen time limits. If they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to here the answers, so talks about bodies, sec relations ect. One thing I always told them was that I would trust them till they gave me a reason not to. They never have
We have got wrong sometimes, we fall out, normally about petty things but we always admit we are wrong, me included.
I breastfed DD2 till she was 2 btw.

Totally agree with this @GoingtotheWinchester, worked as a nanny for 10 years and now entering a career in CAMHS and honestly the children who have no nonsense parents seem much better adjusted

Mine drank a milkshake this morning that he didn't realise was mine. I wasn't remotely bothered, but about half an hour later he announced that he was walking to the shop, even though it was absolutely freezing out, and came back and handed me a milkshake 💕

I have a lovely teen who won’t technically be a teen come February but she is the kindest girl despite being seriously unwell with an ED since 2020. She sees chores that need doing around the house and does them without being asked, asked if I would like her to run me a bath, make me a cuppa, something to eat, give me a massage. The list is endless. She’s always thinking of others. Picks me flowers from the garden and put them by my bed. Gives the best hugs. Has meaningful chats. Asks if I need anything constantly. She’s a pleasure to have around.

Never wanted children until I started teaching at secondary level. Now I have two teens of my own and they're great - funny, thoughtful, interested and interesting.

This is a lovely read. Tell me how you raised these wonderful teens? Did you have a certain parenting style? Did they go to private schools? Were they difficult in the early years or were they always this lovely?

I'm a single working parent so my kids have always had to contribute to the household. We also always had dinner together and we talked a lot. About everything. Whatever was happening in their world. The world. Anything they wanted to.
They've always known they are the centre of my universe but not the centre of THE universe.
Actions had consequences. I always, always had their backs and they knew it. That came with the responsibility of being truthful and accepting responsibility where necessary. I believe in them and they know it.
We apologise. All of us.
And there were boundaries. I could be flexible on some things sometimes but not on others.
They managed to turn out wonderfully despite my lack of believing that all teenagers "need to do" all the negative things I read on here 🤷‍♀️

Mine are lovely. They're funny, helpful, loving, supportive of me and each other. My oldest loves spending time with his grandparents and other Middle Aged relatives

Yesterday our dog chewed a brand new beautiful Christmas tree decoration that I brought back from a recent city break as a souvenir. I was gutted and left it in the kitchen to throw away. I came back from doing the shopping to find my dd - 16 - had spent the time I was out, glueing all the edges back on so I could keep it. It will be even more precious to me now because she did that.

I often say to people that I can't believe how lucky I am to get to live with the two nicest people I ever met.

What a beautiful thread, filled with amazing young people. I have amazing, kind, bright and funny three teens. My eldest (17) has suddenly blossomed. Starting work and A-levels has been amazing. I can now see that she has what it takes to be ok in the word, such a lovely feeling.

She pays for her own driving lessons (out of choice) because she sees it as an investment in her own future. The restaurant where she works had an electrical failure in the kitchen which meant orders would be cancelled. Out of all the staff she was chosen to go and let people know that they would t be getting the food they had been waiting for because “she is great at talking to people” the manager was delighted, not one complaint/disgruntled customer.

I damaged my back and my son (15) saw me struggling with my socks, bent down and put them on for me. The next day, I came down stairs and the house had already been tidied and breakfast made, a pair of socks were on the radiator waiting. He is currently head boy at school and I can see why.

My 13 year old DD is at that wonderful stage of being able to relate to the adult world, she dips her toes in to excellent conversation and more sophisticated humour, but she is still a child at heart, and is playful, imaginative and free. She gives the best cuddles and loves to spend time with me. She is so excited for Christmas!

if I could have seen them like this seven years ago, it would have meant the world. We lost their little sister, and our lives turned upside down. Whilst everyone reminded me to be grateful for the children we skill have they failed to see how painful it was to watch your own children grieve, whilst being too heartbroken to support them. I remember telling their head teacher the news and sobbing that I didn’t want their life’s to be defined by grief. Whilst I definitely think it has touched them all, they all still have found their own ways to be happy and celebrate life.

I'm a single parent and chose to remain so. I didn't think we'd benefit from introducing a step parent. They're the centre of my world and they know it. I tell them how much I love and like them and enjoy spending time with them. I've never done "punishments", just telling off if necessary, then it's over and not mentioned again. I've taught them to "love an apology" ie the chance to repair and make things right - I can't believe how many people hate to say sorry and how much distress that brings to them and the people around them.

It's not all been plain sailing, their Dad is next to useless, and we've had some humdinger rows but I think not bearing grudges and making sure you look really hard at bad behaviour/rudeness for reasons other than what appears obvious makes a huge difference - there's nearly always something else going on that's making them unhappy and heightened and coming down hard on them just won't help and that's why I hardly ever do.

My DD16 is also lovely- so caring and generous to others.

She's been struggling with severe anxiety since lockdown and was unable to leave the house, attend school or get her GCSEs.

I've been working for so long on trying to get her to leave the house, which is improved now. And the local authority have just agreed an EHCP which I'm so happy about ❤️

Mine are both ND and one of them was unable to attend MS school due to this in early and mid childhood. I had to home educate. He's in college now though and fingers crossed will end up with some GCSEs. His childhood was endless stress around school and fighting for him to be treated decently and access the education he was entitled. That was combined with being a single parent with their dad - abusive when married - being pretty much absent.

Lovely teens here. Nice to see a positive thread.

I have two amazing teenagers. They both have their moments and we do have some screaming and door slamming but they are mostly hard working, ambitious, helpful, funny and kind. My autistic DD is the most empathic person I have ever met. The best piece of advice I was ever given is to really listen when they tell you the small stuff when they are little, so they tell you the big stuff when they are older.

This was a nice thread, but I feel very uncomfortable with this idea that nice teens are all down to good parenting.

My friends are really struggling with their teen at the minute. They are the loveliest people you could meet, but not pushovers. As far as I am aware they have done the best job they could at parenting, but unfortunately their DS got in with a not so good crowd and there are some issues which they are working through.

My DS is certainly not perfect, but I try to focus on the positives rather than nagging at him all the time. He's not perfect but I can see - I hope - that he's going to turn out all right.

A lot of it is just luck. He happens to be good at the school sport - not a sport which we as a family have any history or understanding of - and his crowd like to do well at school and have a big pack that hangs out together.

My ds dropped out of uni last year and came home from his uni city. I was really worried about what his life would bring and he seems, at times, to lack motivation and direction. However, he has secured a full time job (in retail, but its a start) and is un complaining about the job and the hours. He pays a chunk of his take home pay for board and lodge with no prompting.

He has a hobby he enjoys with friends. He plays two instruments and practices regularly. He also contributes to the household, is a great cook and makes dinner twice a week. He takes a share of the chores. He has passed his driving test this summer and can get himself to and from work. He is respectful and responsible. I told him yesterday that if he ever thought I was disappointed in him for the choices he has made, I'm really not. I'm very proud of him and just want him to be happy.

Mine go to a good state school (always over subscribed etc). I'd say that I have a fairly permissive parenting style and try to say yes as often as I can - but when I say no, I mean it and follow through. I'm lucky that I have a good relationship with my lovely parents - I'm sure this helps me repeat healthy patterns with my own kids. They've always been fairly lovely, although DC3 went through a hitting/pushing phase as a toddler which went on for months and was really stressful. He's a gentle boy now though!

I had the pleasure of spending yesterday afternoon with 10 13/14 year old boys and they were absolutely lovely.
They were probably on their best behaviour (as they tend to be with someone else’s Mum) but they were a delight and completely hilarious

I have 3 teens now. (2 have left their teens). All really lovely. Each Saturday 2 of my teens clean the house with me. It was costing me too much to have a cleaner, and the house is too big for me to do alone, so they do it with me. Then we sit down and have a meal together. They don't care about the clean house, but they know I do.

They're just so funny and interesting and clever. It's a delight having them here.

(and also glossing over the number of mugs, bowls and plates in their rooms, their inability to see an empty loo roll, their ability to climb over mountains of stuff on the stairs and their apparent view that they have a right to come in and take anything they want from my cupboards, wear it and leave it in a screwed up ball on their floors).

What kind of consequences did you put in place @CJsGoldfish ? Think I’m feeling even more broody reading this thread and really want to get my parenting ‘right’ from the get go. I had useless parents so want to build good connections with my future children. Also curious to know if people think it matters to raise children in a city or small town? I live in london now and love it but it can be a struggle sometimes and we fantasize about moving sometimes.