What makes a house feel like a home?

[SausageGuzzlingLabradors]

I’ve been thinking about this today. Today I visited a lovely friend’s house. It’s a beautiful, spacious interior designed country pile many people would aspire to (it’s sometimes in magazines) but it just didn’t feel like a home. It was almost too perfect and felt lacking in energy. Then I dropped a pair of kids wellies into another friend. Her house is an unremarkable 1960’s semi and is far from ‘perfect’ but always feels so welcoming and homely. I could spend hours on her sofa, staring into the (1980’s gas effect) fire.

What do you think it is that makes a house a home? Is it certain items? A way of living? Or ( this sounds a bit woo) is it something to do with the feelings or relationships in the house?

For me it’s comfort. So do I feel comfortable there because the sofas are comfy, the lighting is right, the company is welcoming, the room is warm, the house is well loved, well lived in and well looked after etc etc

Show homes might have some of that but they’re missing the energy of a family living there

A cat lolling about on an old comfy couch.
Nice smelling.
Blankets for the sofa

The opposite of the marble and grey/white decor with silver crushed velvet you see nowadays.

I think that is it. The sense that people are living out their lives in the house. Bits and bobs about the place, pets, books from uni days on the shelf, plants, furniture that’s evolved over time, not been put in all at once. Lighting is really important too. I can’t feel comfortable under white ceiling lights.

Yep. Lazy cat lolling.

It's all about lighting

I obviously need to get a cat!

When a house has been lived in for a while it gets shaped by usage, eg keys just where you need them, rugs and lights in just the right spot, things collected over time.

Quite different to somewhere that's just been moved into and had a shedload of new stuff put in, even if it's well chosen.

Colours. If its too greige it feels like a holiday home.

Things that have been collected over time. It looks obvious if you've just thrown a load of money at the furnishings and everything is brand new.

Oh and you need books and a cat.

Relaxed and comfortable. Not grey walls and hard floors which just remind me of hospitals.
Comfie looking seats, calm and cheerful, nothing too rigidly tidy. It needs to look like you can put your bag down without a Stepford wife tidying it away instantly.

A feeling of relaxation. Perfect, spotless houses with nothing out of place look nice but make me feel on edge. Homes are to be lived in. The comfort of me, my family and anyone who visits is far more important to me than having a perfect looking house.

Also the attitude of the owners makes a big difference to me. Don't get me wrong - I'm house proud but when I have visitors I like to make them feel welcome to the point they can relax. If something gets spilt I don't stress. I've been in many houses where it feels like you can't breath incase it disturbs something. My house is always tidy (ish!) but I have a friend whose house is always a mess (things everywhere) - I always feel so cosy sat amongst all her things. I can tell I'm really in her world.

I think it’s very complex and subtle subconscious stuff about your relationship with the person. I have a friend with a super-stylish, interiors feature house (hers is all mid-century Scandinavian). It’s the kind of thing a lot of people would find chilly and think twice about even sitting down. But my relationship with her goes back so long, it just feels automatically welcoming because it’s her house, IYSWIM.

I think it's the energy of the people that live there, if you feel welcome then you feel more at home to relax.

That’s true about colour. But my friend’s house isn’t greige- it’s very stylishly decorated as a traditional country house. However, I’ve noticed that each room has a very clear colour scheme, all the upholstery goes perfectly, not a colour out of place. Some rooms have been designed along themes (so tartan and antlers etc. in the library.). It feels a little too choreographed I think.

Cats do indeed make a home. I accessorise my bed with one. I like to accessorise both of the sides in my snug with Labradors. Sadly, they aren’t matching.

We have an unremarkable semi with lots of plants, photos, knick-knacks, mismatched furniture, random lamps/fairy-lights and a massive squidgy sofa. We've been here 16 years and it probably shows! It's clean and tidy-but-lived-in. Teen DS moans that it's scruffy and old-fashioned, but his girlfriend said to me the other day 'I love your house - it feels so homey'.

Dogs and/or cats always make a huge difference to the feel of a house for me.

Oh, and books! We have bookshelves everywhere.

Your second point contradicts the first 😉

<puts on hard hat>

I agree it’s about energy and relationships. My friend is struggling in her family life at the moment, and the family home seems to feel it. That makes me really sad to think about actually.

On a happier note, I’m now thinking of all the homely homes I know. And try are all different, but are really special to their inhabitants. My brother in law’s first flat,with furniture fashioned from various palettes, the little flat we brought our first baby home to, my great aunt’s dog and grandchild filled bungalow, the home my friend loves home educating her kids in. All lovely, imperfect places to be.

I like to see books, music, and some colour and signs of life!!

You gave the answer in your OP.

When a place is too perfect it is not homely. All the energy goes into maintaining perfection, rather than welcoming and accepting you. It sucks energy out of the visitor, because she has to fit it perfectly, too. Nothing may be out of place.

I visit people's homes as part of my work and I do find some of them very depressing and gloomy. The main problems are:

Dated and tatty decor - usually 1980s/90s
Dirty front door and entrance
Old carpets (as opposed to classic rugs)
Clutter
Untidiness and mess
1970s/80s gas fire in lounge
Old, dark furniture - not antiques
Unpleasant smells
Grotty reed diffusers to try and cover up nasty smells
Stark blue/white lighting or dud bulbs
Dusty old lampshades
Dirty boots and shoes laying around

Nothing to do with income as I've been to better off places like this as well. Nothing to do with age either.

Cosier places include:

Clean and tidy
Nicely presented front door and entrance
Tidy decor - no flaking paint or wallpaper
Pleasant lighting including lamps
Classic rugs on the floor
No garish colours
No vast swathes of grey
Some older classic furniture
Pictures and mirrors
Classic style kitchen, not ultra modern or black and shiny
Cosy blankets over chairs/sofas
Plants - well cared for
No nasty smells
Cats
No nasty or tatty stuff
A real fireplace or stove

Just my opinion anyway, other people's tastes will be different.

Spiderlight, your house sounds like mine and one of my son's has made the same comment 'old fashioned'. Basically I do not follow trends, I buy what I love and keep it for years, right down to big battered settees.
I live alone now and once my grown up children have left following a visit I always think to myself 'it is family that make a home' Likewise pets.

It's a mixture of some of the things that have been said already for me.

Clean, but not so sterile it looks unlived in.
Evidence of a family's life happening. Might be paintings on a fridge, a pencil pot in an odd spot, a blanket with someone's imprint on it from just having been sat under it.
Warm, but not stifling and stuffy.
Smells pleasant but definitely not of glade.
A place you and your host can sit and natter.
Windows that look over a garden.
And there's something about a mismatch that helps. If everything is too coordinated it takes on that sterile straight out of the next catalogue/oak furniture land/whatever home furnishing shop look and it flattens everything.
The mug you get your drink in. Whether there's somewhere to put it. Whether it's secretly earl grey and you were expecting Yorkshire tea.
A towel on the floor in the bathroom. Weird one, but you know what, it makes it feel real!
Art on the walls (doesn't have to be expensive) that you want to look at.

I've thought about this!

I always feel on edge with clutter. A house that's cosy with enough comfy seats and a real fire or log burner.
Clean but not bland or too show homey as that rarely reflects the owners personality.

The people in it ultimately.

But other than that, a house that’s a pleasure to be in has a blend of a space that feels lived it, but also there’s a bit of thought that goes into how to bring out the character of the property in a way that also brings out the characters of the owners.. lots of different looks can work if they do this.

I think it is VERY easy to miss the mark with the country house look though, because it’s a style that depends on having been built up over many years, or carefully curated (by designers like Rita Koenig) to look like it did. If you try and do it out of a box it inevitably looks like the backdrop to a Christmas at Debanhams ad.

Warm and clean and looked after. I have no interest in seeing books lying around and I can’t abide mess or dirt. If the house looks like it needs a good scrub I’m not comfortable but if you can sit down, curl up on a comfy sofa and drink a cup of tea without feeling like you’re visiting the queen then all good.