Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

5 year old acts like he's being tortured at swimming lessons

32 replies

Ialwayswannasometimes · 01/12/2022 11:32

He doesn't like his head in the water at all, he's been doing swimming lessons for about 3 months now and he basically just gets carried back and forth by the instructor whilst using all his energy concentrating entirely on making sure he doesn't get splashed at all,
he won't go swimming for fun etc he even hated it as a baby- and baths are almost just as dramatic when I need to wash his hair.
has anyones child hated it as much and eventually learned to swim? I'm so worried he'll never get it but I'd really like him to be able to swim from a safety perspective
He does try his best but he just really can't stand being splashed or getting wet which is obviously quite unavoidable when swimming

OP posts:
WindowsSmindows · 01/12/2022 11:36

If he hates it that much he's going to avoid all situations where he might drown surely?
I'd leave him be.
Try again in a few years but stop for now?

softpilllow · 01/12/2022 11:37

I would take him out, it sounds awful for him Sad

Auntiealie · 01/12/2022 11:37

I honestly wouldn’t put my child through this. Or would at least try and desensitise him to the water in a slower way than continuing lessons - you’re just reinforcing the fear somewhere he doesn’t feel safe.

Maybe leave them a few years and take him back then. I’m an adult who can’t swim and it hasn’t significantly affected my life - I have always stayed as safe as possible around water, not taking risks etc but honestly if he hates water anyway why force him to swim!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Behaviour & development Families General sports
frozendaisy · 01/12/2022 11:38

Adam Peaty wouldn't get in a bath when he was 6. Something changed at 14.

Chikapu · 01/12/2022 11:38

I hated swimming as a child for very similar reasons, having my head in the water was terrifying to me. Thankfully my mum understood and didn't force me to carry on going.
Let him be for now and try again later.

Speedweed · 01/12/2022 11:38

I'd stop the lessons. If he doesn't like water, it doesn't matter if he doesn't learn to swim, because he'll never go near the water.

Most kids love water, which is why they have to learn to swim asap to keep them safe.

Stop the lessons and see if he changes his mind at some point - when he's a bit older and friends start having swimming parties he might decide he wants to join in and then you can restart the lessons.

Forcing him to do something he hates is a waste of time, and might put him off for life.

frozendaisy · 01/12/2022 11:41

It might be worth seeing if you can get a one-one swim coach who might take him in quiet sessions, even if he spends the first few lessons on the side. They are much more expensive (£20-£30 per half hour) so maybe just one lesson a month for a bit.

Or you just take him at a quiet time with no expectations of getting in the water. Perhaps a splash and play place, shallow running water type thing.

PuttingDownRoots · 01/12/2022 11:42

Take him out of lessons until you conquer that fear. Baths, showers paddling pool, seaside...

Continuing right now could make it worse

DarkAndDusty · 01/12/2022 11:43

I tend to think that swimming is a basic life skill that everyone who is physically able should try to learn - not just for safety when near water, but also for enjoyment and wellbeing. But in some cases it probably takes the right environment and the right teacher...

OP do you have the option of taking your DC to the local pool for a relaxed/playful splash around on the weekend?

AlwaysFullOfQuestions22 · 01/12/2022 11:43

I wouldn't put my dc through that. Maybe try in a year?

FatGirlSwim · 01/12/2022 11:44

Clearly has sensory issues around water. Before anyone jumps on me these can exist without autism.
Take him out, the lessons sound completely counterproductive

Afterfire · 01/12/2022 11:44

Please don’t put him through this. If he hates it this much it’s just terrorising him. I’ve always hated water in my face, I did learn to swim aged about 13 by doing a doggy paddle on holiday and it went from there but even now I’ll never go on anything or do anything where my head goes under the water.

Original poster
Ialwayswannasometimes · 01/12/2022 11:45

we live very near a river and also a lake and every year there's news of local teenagers drowning which terrifies me so I think it's important he learns

He doesn't complain about going he just hates getting water on his face- if he was extremely upset I wouldn't force him but he wants to do the lessons, he just can't concentrate on the swimming aspect much at all because he's too focused on not getting wet. He really just hates the water getting on his face/in his ears/eyes -interestingly though he LOVED the splash tower thing at legoland but actual swimming pools he hates

OP posts:
emmathedilemma · 01/12/2022 11:46

I agree that it's an essential life skill but if he's that bad in the bath at home I can't see him suddenly wanting to jump in a swimming pool! I'd start with the bath issue - maybe get him to wear his swimming goggles while you wash his hair, see if he'll lie in it on his back and then on his front and blow bubbles in it. Then standing under the shower rather than having a bath.

emmathedilemma · 01/12/2022 11:47

Does he wear a swimming cap and goggles?

Paq · 01/12/2022 11:47

I would take him out of group lessons for now and take him swimming yourself so you can get him used to splashing water on his face.

Original poster
Ialwayswannasometimes · 01/12/2022 11:48

He'll wear a swimming cap but he absolutely won't wear goggles he find them too annoying

OP posts:
GerbilsForever24 · 01/12/2022 11:48

DD was like this. She didn't mind going in the water as such, but any splash anywhere near her face was a disaster - tears, crying, trauma etc.

Don't stop the lessons. That will reinforce that swimming is scary.

We continued to send her to lessons and go swimming. We never forced her to go under, neither did her teacher, but we slowly but consistently kept at it. Over time, she got remarkably good at paddling or using a floating device by herself. And eventually, when she felt secure, she did it. But she first started learning to swim when she was 4, just before Covid so lots of interruptions culminating in her face finally going under earlier this year (nearly 3 years later). But she now swims confidently.

DarkAndDusty · 01/12/2022 11:48

Just a thought : has he tried swimming with a bathing cap, face mask and/or ear plugs? Maybe that would relieve some of his discomfort

SleekMamma · 01/12/2022 11:51

I'd leave it for a while.
Appreciate you are concerned about the bodies of water near you.

However teenagers drowning is not related to not being able to swim. It's generally when they jump into a lake etc and the water is waaay colder than they were expecting. The body has an automatic response in cold water to breathe in. And as they are underwater they drown. Teenagers obviously think they are invincible and it won't happen to them. Well, sorry but they are not and it will.

So! Teach your child to swim when he's a bit older. But also teach him about cold water danger. Basically never jump into water messing about. As even a swimming pool it might be the shallow end.

cavily1806 · 01/12/2022 11:53

I absolutely hated swimming as a young child. Eventually learnt in enforced school swimming lessons at 11. I still hate swimming as an adult to the point that DP has to take the kids so I don't have to but I avoid any situation that could be dangerous for a weak swimmer. It's v likely he'll be the same based in his issue with baths. Re hair washing... my eldest was the same and we resolved it by letting her wash her own hair. Just an idea x

Georgeskitchen · 01/12/2022 12:11

I hate water on my face (apart from having a wash) I can swim but never put my head under water.
I never wash my hair in the shower because I hate water (particularly soapy) running down my face. I'm 62, yoir son is 5. Don't put him through this, wait till he's a bit older

RaRaRaspoutine · 01/12/2022 12:27

I hated it (wouldn't put my face in water etc). Eventually I grew out of it and I can swim/tread water competently enough now to enjoy swimming on holiday etc. 5 is still pretty young, maybe try again when he's 7 or 8?

VenusClapTrap · 01/12/2022 12:40

Ds was like this. I stopped the group lessons, gave him a few months break, then started again with a very kind and experienced one to one teacher in a private pool. He went from hysterical screaming on the poolside to happily splashing around within a few sessions. She then recommended a particular swim school for group lessons, and they gradually, in a very low pressure way, got him to put his face in.

I wouldn’t give up. When he gets to school swimming age it’s a bit mortifying for the ones who can’t swim.

GimmeBiscuits · 01/12/2022 12:45

I'm the same. Was terrified at mandatory swimming lessons and shouted at by the teacher (1970s). I hate swimming, boating, anything in or in water. The smell of swimming pools makes me feel I can't breathe properly, and I can't bear water in my face - it really hurts my eyes. It doesn't help that I have poor eyesight so would need prescription goggles.
I have tried adult swimming lessons but even then the instructors don't seem to understand how frightening I find it.