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Original poster

Screaming neighbour

84 replies

catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 08:54

A couple live in the flat above us. I would guess they are late 20's/ early 30's. They don't have any children.

They only moved in around 6 months ago. I see the man often in the hall and by the car park but iv only seen the woman once when I was looking out the window. The man is very friendly and chatty.

We can hear the woman screaming day & night. She screams 'NOOOO' constantly! It sounds like she is screaming at the top of her voice.
Iv woken up in the night before and heard her hysterically crying. Every day we hear some form of shouting. It's been going on since the day they moved in.

Is he abusing her? Is she unwell?

Our flat is under offer so I'm reluctant to make any formal complaints incase it impacts our sale.

WWYD? Shall I go knock when they are shouting? Mention it next time I see him? Call the police anonymously?

OP posts:
elephantmarchingin · 30/11/2022 10:42

Could you not time a report with when you have moved out/are out of the house for a day/couple of days.
Then you have solid I wasn't in so how could I have reported.
May also be worth speaking to your neighbours who may also hear

Original poster
catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 10:48

I won't be responding to people trying to put me down or blame me. It's a difficult situation because I don't actually know what's going on.

Some posters have confirmed my concerns that it may cause issues for me if I do report them.

OP posts:
Original poster
catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 10:51

@elephantmarchingin

The online form asks for my details. I'm worried the police would come knocking on my door and make it clear who's reported them.
Would they want to speak to me further?

If i don't put in details would they believe it legitimate?

OP posts:
CarefreeMe · 30/11/2022 10:56

It sounds like she’s unwell rather than he’s abusing her, but that doesn’t mean she (or he) doesn’t need help.

I would record it and then ask the police to do a welfare check.

If she’s mentally unwell then they would expect neighbours being concerned.

elephantmarchingin · 30/11/2022 10:56

@catlady1234 id call 101 and just say you are not comfortable providing the details.

Alternatively on the online form just say concerned friend and give the same address as the one you are reporting

Tillow4ever · 30/11/2022 11:06

Why did you ask in here? You're ignoring the majority of responses saying to report it. The fact that you are trying to justify NOT reporting it, tells me you know that the right thing to do is to make that call.

You're worried about consequences. Realistically, if he's a nice guy and not abusing her, there won't be consequences for you as he's the sort that would be grateful someone cared enough to check all was ok. If he's abusing her, then hopefully the police will do something.

Could you do a Claire's Law request to the police on the guy, see if there's any history of domestic violence? He won't know you've done that and if you find there is a history, maybe that will be the wake up call you need to call the damn police.

Surely if the screaming was night terrors etc, they would have proactively apologised to their neighbours and explained it by now? Which suggests that there isn't an innocent reason.

You say you're worried for your child's safety. Imagine now your child has grown up and is living in an abusive relationship, screaming and shouting every night. And you found out that for 6 months their neighbour heard it all but never once tried to help by calling the police. How would you feel? Would that be ok with you? Or if you and your child were being beaten and you found out your neighbours heard everything but didn't want to call the police as it might hurt their chances of selling up? I imagine in either scenario you would be desperate for someone to help...

Crookshanks22 · 30/11/2022 11:10

Call 999 when it happens next as it's 'in progress' you will not have to give your details.
Consider crime stoppers which is anon
If police attend a domestic they usually knock on neighbours doors as part and parcel anyway and reporters remain anon.
I urge you to report

Original poster
catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:16

@Tillow4ever

I'm asking here how to raise concerns without consequences to my family.

I am planning to report it but I don't know the best way.

I'm looking for advice, not judgement.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 11:19

catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:16

@Tillow4ever

I'm asking here how to raise concerns without consequences to my family.

I am planning to report it but I don't know the best way.

I'm looking for advice, not judgement.

How about crimestoppers if you're not happy to just fill out the online form with no details?

Original poster
catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:20

@CarefreeMe

I honestly think this is the situation. I think she sounds unwell by the way she screams and shouts.

I'm trying to report via the met police website but they ask for soo much info about them that I don't know

Do you think I should report as a noise disturbance? Or suspected domestic abuse? You have to pick a box

OP posts:
tensmumm · 30/11/2022 11:20

You don't know what's going on but you're terrified to share a hallway or be in your own home? It seems like your instincts are clear this could be a very bad situation for this woman who is actually living with (possibly trapped inside) a flat with this man.

There is nothing worse than being trapped and tortured whilst living in a flat and knowing people live close by and nobody is helping. It means not only do you suffer from the actual abuse, but you forever mistrust and feel unsafe around other people.

She may not be being abused, but at least if someone cares to get it checked out then they can establish what's going on.

Original poster
catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:22

@girlmom21

I'm on crime stoppers website and it says they won't process noise complaints.
I can only report it as domestic abuse which I'm not sure it is.

OP posts:
tensmumm · 30/11/2022 11:23

Call them and explain.

Prolonged abuse leads to absolute desperation that can sound like mental illness, you know its been at least 6 months and it could've been going on before they moved in.

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 11:23

catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:22

@girlmom21

I'm on crime stoppers website and it says they won't process noise complaints.
I can only report it as domestic abuse which I'm not sure it is.

But you're not sure it's not

SuspiciousHedgehog · 30/11/2022 11:24

catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:20

@CarefreeMe

I honestly think this is the situation. I think she sounds unwell by the way she screams and shouts.

I'm trying to report via the met police website but they ask for soo much info about them that I don't know

Do you think I should report as a noise disturbance? Or suspected domestic abuse? You have to pick a box

Suspected abuse, this is the thing that needs ruling out. If you're moving, you're not complaining about noise. Well done for doing the form. Might be completely unnecessary, police will determine, but alternatively you might have saved a life.

Just because the guy seems charming, doesn't mean he's not a psycho, most of them are charming.

Original poster
catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 11:26

@tensmumm

I'm not terrified! Stop exaggerating everything!

Other people have stated they have received abuse from neighbours for reporting them. Why would I put my family at risk?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/11/2022 11:36

SouperNoodle · 30/11/2022 10:35

Stop trying to justify your lack of action. This woman could end up dead by him and it'll be blood on his and your hands.
It's been 6 months and you've done fuck all to help that poor woman.

Fucking hell, thank god you're not a dectective. There are loads of reasons she's screaming, and many of them don't involve any abuse. Tourettes, mental health issues, she could be screaming at a cat for all we know. Blood on her hands? Tone down the drama.

I think the op should request a welfare check, but the reality is that we have no idea what's really going on.

OldWivesTale · 30/11/2022 11:36

Can't you wait until he's gone out and then go and knock on under another pretext eg you can hear running water and then get to talk to her; you'll have a feel for the situation and maybe you could ask if she's OK. To be honest, I'd have called the police the first time I heard screaming. I'm not quite sure what you're thinking.

pattihews · 30/11/2022 11:40

catlady1234 · 30/11/2022 08:54

A couple live in the flat above us. I would guess they are late 20's/ early 30's. They don't have any children.

They only moved in around 6 months ago. I see the man often in the hall and by the car park but iv only seen the woman once when I was looking out the window. The man is very friendly and chatty.

We can hear the woman screaming day & night. She screams 'NOOOO' constantly! It sounds like she is screaming at the top of her voice.
Iv woken up in the night before and heard her hysterically crying. Every day we hear some form of shouting. It's been going on since the day they moved in.

Is he abusing her? Is she unwell?

Our flat is under offer so I'm reluctant to make any formal complaints incase it impacts our sale.

WWYD? Shall I go knock when they are shouting? Mention it next time I see him? Call the police anonymously?

At a conference about violence against women and girls I heard a woman speak about being locked naked in a bedroom every day, with the windows sealed, while her 'nice' husband went out to work. She was left with a bottle of water and sandwiches. It went on for months. She'd scream and shout in the hope that someone, would hear her and get her help. They didn't and one day she managed to smash the window (cutting herself badly in the process), drop down to the ground, scale the locked garden side gate and run bleeding and wrapped only in a duvet cover into the road, where eventually someone stopped a car and came to her aid.

Be that person today. Don't be the selfish bastard who didn't get a woman help because their flat was on the market.

SuspiciousHedgehog · 30/11/2022 11:51

@catlady1234 Just ignore those with their claws out and come back with any other questions about how to do the form, giving as much info as possible without making it obvious it was a direct neighbour. It's really important that you do this, you made this thread for a reason, you have doubts about this woman's safety, so allow the authorities check it out, they just need a tip off. This couple may have a police history from a previous address.

Your families safety is important, as is your neighbour's. Imagine if he killed or seriously injured her in that flat, and you had suspected.

Whynobreadpudding · 30/11/2022 11:52

She could have serious mental health problems, paranoia/schizophrenia, why don’t you ask her partner? She does need help in controlling it if that’s the case as she could be a risk to random people. You could report her as being in distress and you are worried.

BaconMassive · 30/11/2022 11:54

Maybe they are playing computer games?

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 11:54

Whynobreadpudding · 30/11/2022 11:52

She could have serious mental health problems, paranoia/schizophrenia, why don’t you ask her partner? She does need help in controlling it if that’s the case as she could be a risk to random people. You could report her as being in distress and you are worried.

After reading @pattihews I don't think OP should speak to the partner just in case it's a similar situation

SuspiciousHedgehog · 30/11/2022 11:57

OP should definitely NOT speak with him. If he's abusive this will alert him, and he will know OP has reported when police come. Try to avoid him without it being obvious, is best. Act busy and not curious.

FrownedUpon · 30/11/2022 11:57

You have to report it. It’s awful to just ignore something like that. The poor woman.

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