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Original poster

Fancy him but no idea how to talk to him

30 replies

cassiatwenty · 28/11/2022 17:01

I go to the store and there is someone I fancy. He is always pleasant, and it seems there's chemistry on both ends.

However, how do you take it a bit further? Just friendly like. I have ran out of ideas what to chit-chat about, but I feel he's genuinely interested. So right now a bit too formal.

Any ideas? I'm thinking about this, but it'll go nowhere without your sage advice

OP posts:
something2say · 28/11/2022 17:03

My advice? Do nothing. It is his job to ask you. Smile and look approachable, that's what I'd do.

Fcuk38 · 28/11/2022 17:09

something2say · 28/11/2022 17:03

My advice? Do nothing. It is his job to ask you. Smile and look approachable, that's what I'd do.

His job? What are we back in the stone ages?!

I am in a similar situation op in fact I would have written this identical post. The issue for me is firstly to find out if he’s single. Secondly as he’s at work anything other than chit chat seems inappropriate.

CallmeCath · 28/11/2022 18:06

Flirt with him op. Say something playful or something that could mean one of two things if you are nervous of rejection. I have worked with a colleague for almost a year, never fancied him, we were clearly good friends, he never saw me as anything other than a colleague and me him. About 3 mths ago i started to massively fancy him- why i do not know, i think he did something random like a demolish a wall and yield power tools in his house competently, over a weekend and he starting pressing a lot of my buttons. Silly i know. I shifted my behaviour /interactions with him, over a few weeks. I cannot really describe what i did but i did subtly/not so subtle flirt, looked him in the eyes with a different look, that sort of i massively fancy you look but can't say it in case it all goes pear shaped. You know the look i mean. Sometimes I saw him in passing, we looked at each other but then i did deliberately did not talk to him where i usually would have in a jokey/matey way. I became kind of nervous around him so it wasn't a voluntary thing i was doing. I definitely was sending him vibes and got a little physically closer to him when we were taking or together. I made sure i always looked my best, clothes , hair and makeup, literally doused myself in perfume and put myself under his nose at every opportunity that was natural and not forced. It took him about two weeks to fully pick up on whatever it was I was sending him, but he picked up on it sure enough.

You sound a lot braver than me Op so if you like him, go for it. If, like me, you work with him and are afraid of any potential fall out/ complication if not reciprocated or possible rejection as I was, I would urge subtle/not so subtle but he cannot quite put his finger on it flirting and, see if he picks up on it and reciprocates. I do believe ultimately men like the chase but no harm in letting him know there is a chase there. Good luck OP.

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Dating General relationships
RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 18:10

I've done a loooot of dating and not even once have things turned out well when I was the one to make the first definitive move.

I don't care how un-feminist it sounds, my advice would be to continue to smile, make small talk and flirt subtly but don't outright ask him out. Drop hints at most but don't serve yourself to him on a platter.

Bécassine · 28/11/2022 18:11

Just say "hi, we've been chatting a while. I find you attractive. Would you like to go on a date?".

Direct and clear, worked for me. And the times it didn't, it's not that awkward.

AffIt · 28/11/2022 18:15

something2say · 28/11/2022 17:03

My advice? Do nothing. It is his job to ask you. Smile and look approachable, that's what I'd do.

Fuck me, did I fall asleep and wake up in 1956?

Ask him if he would like to go for a coffee or a drink. He might say 'oh, I'm sorry, I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend', but he might also say yes.

Only one way to find out.

CallmeCath · 28/11/2022 18:16

"@RandomMusings7 I don't care how un-feminist it sounds, my advice would be to continue to smile, make small talk and flirt subtly but don't outright ask him out. Drop hints at most but don't serve yourself to him on a platter".

⬆️ This! 100%

Unicorn717 · 28/11/2022 18:17

something2say · 28/11/2022 17:03

My advice? Do nothing. It is his job to ask you. Smile and look approachable, that's what I'd do.

Jesus, my Nan wouldn't even come out with some crap like this🤣

something2say · 28/11/2022 18:41

Don't care what you say. My experience has been that men like to do the chasing. It's never worked for me otherwise. If they dont ask, they're not interested.

RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 18:50

Bécassine · 28/11/2022 18:11

Just say "hi, we've been chatting a while. I find you attractive. Would you like to go on a date?".

Direct and clear, worked for me. And the times it didn't, it's not that awkward.

It might work for 1 in 10. The other 9 will be used for sex and discarded when someone more exciting comes along...

Bécassine · 28/11/2022 22:45

RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 18:50

It might work for 1 in 10. The other 9 will be used for sex and discarded when someone more exciting comes along...

Show quote history

In fairness you may be right, I don't date men so I can't be sure. I also don't have sex until I love someone and am in a stable relationship, but realise that's not the case for most people (no judgement here!). So it's not been an issue for me.
But also, I'm autistic and I can't be doing with messing around flirting if you don't know if it'll go anywhere, you're either into each other or you're not.

RandomMusings7 · 28/11/2022 22:51

@Bécassine well yeah, dating men is a whole other game than dating women I'm afraid

BobbyBobbyBobby · 28/11/2022 23:08

If he was interested he would be fishing to see if you had a boyfriend.

Usually along the lines of, ‘Your partner is going to love that’ in regards to something you have bought.

Alternatively he may have been told by shop owner not to flirt with customers in case there is a comeback with customers reporting him as being a creep.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 29/11/2022 02:26

@something2say

Womansplaining at its best.

You have no idea what men want so please stop spouting bollocks.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 29/11/2022 06:13

Personally I wouldn’t want to date some soy boy who I have had to ask out as he was too shy/being a wimp to ask me out.

OnTheRoll · 29/11/2022 07:31

I second the posters that advise to be easy-going, approachable and look hot, and not to ask him out. Men do what they want to do and don't do what they don't want to do. I have been proved right over and over again.

OP, certainly the world won't stop spinning if you just ask him out so if it feels like too much hassle and uncertainty otherwise, just go for it and see what happens.

Original poster
cassiatwenty · 30/11/2022 16:08

CallmeCath · 28/11/2022 18:06

Flirt with him op. Say something playful or something that could mean one of two things if you are nervous of rejection. I have worked with a colleague for almost a year, never fancied him, we were clearly good friends, he never saw me as anything other than a colleague and me him. About 3 mths ago i started to massively fancy him- why i do not know, i think he did something random like a demolish a wall and yield power tools in his house competently, over a weekend and he starting pressing a lot of my buttons. Silly i know. I shifted my behaviour /interactions with him, over a few weeks. I cannot really describe what i did but i did subtly/not so subtle flirt, looked him in the eyes with a different look, that sort of i massively fancy you look but can't say it in case it all goes pear shaped. You know the look i mean. Sometimes I saw him in passing, we looked at each other but then i did deliberately did not talk to him where i usually would have in a jokey/matey way. I became kind of nervous around him so it wasn't a voluntary thing i was doing. I definitely was sending him vibes and got a little physically closer to him when we were taking or together. I made sure i always looked my best, clothes , hair and makeup, literally doused myself in perfume and put myself under his nose at every opportunity that was natural and not forced. It took him about two weeks to fully pick up on whatever it was I was sending him, but he picked up on it sure enough.

You sound a lot braver than me Op so if you like him, go for it. If, like me, you work with him and are afraid of any potential fall out/ complication if not reciprocated or possible rejection as I was, I would urge subtle/not so subtle but he cannot quite put his finger on it flirting and, see if he picks up on it and reciprocates. I do believe ultimately men like the chase but no harm in letting him know there is a chase there. Good luck OP.

"About 3 mths ago i started to massively fancy him- why i do not know, i think he did something random like a demolish a wall and yield power tools in his house competently, over a weekend and he starting pressing a lot of my buttons."

lmao, brilliant @CallmeCath . Many thanks for your advice and good natured energy in this post, it gave me a lot to think about! xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
cassiatwenty · 30/11/2022 16:10

Thank you all: @something2say , @Fcuk38, @RandomMusings7, @AffIt , @BobbyBobbyBobby, @OnTheRoll
Everyone's point of view is valid, and there's no right or wrong answers because this is YOUR (not mine) input.

I don't think that @something2say was womansplaining or anything like that. I asked for advice, that was hers, and I respect that, whether I agree with it or not.

It'd be a boring world where we'd all agree and had same lives. It's not Reddit, it's MN. ILU all 💞

OP posts:
Smearywindowsagain · 30/11/2022 16:12

I’d do nothing. Chasing men doesn’t normally end well. If he likes you enough he’ll ask for your number

Sagittariusrising · 30/11/2022 16:14

I'm in the same position with a colleague and am terrified of frightening him off as she's pretty shy and finds conversation a bit difficult.

I'm going to give him a Christmas card and we're definitely getting somewhere. Really hoping he might ask me out as I think he might be put off by me asking. I do know he's single and know from a colleague that he likes me.

Why are these things never easy when you want them to be? 😃

stuntbubbles · 30/11/2022 16:14

Before you do anything: is this shop the only place you can get a particular item, or the only convenient place? Don’t shit where you eat!

Smearywindowsagain · 30/11/2022 16:17

Posted too soon. The trouble with asking men out is that usually they’ll say yes even if they don’t really like you because you’ve been desperate enough to ask them out so they figure sex will come easy. They’ll string you along or hump and dump until someone they feel is better comes along, someone they like enough to do the asking. If you ask them out you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity to find out how much he likes you.

munnytrin · 30/11/2022 16:24

CallmeCath · 28/11/2022 18:06

Flirt with him op. Say something playful or something that could mean one of two things if you are nervous of rejection. I have worked with a colleague for almost a year, never fancied him, we were clearly good friends, he never saw me as anything other than a colleague and me him. About 3 mths ago i started to massively fancy him- why i do not know, i think he did something random like a demolish a wall and yield power tools in his house competently, over a weekend and he starting pressing a lot of my buttons. Silly i know. I shifted my behaviour /interactions with him, over a few weeks. I cannot really describe what i did but i did subtly/not so subtle flirt, looked him in the eyes with a different look, that sort of i massively fancy you look but can't say it in case it all goes pear shaped. You know the look i mean. Sometimes I saw him in passing, we looked at each other but then i did deliberately did not talk to him where i usually would have in a jokey/matey way. I became kind of nervous around him so it wasn't a voluntary thing i was doing. I definitely was sending him vibes and got a little physically closer to him when we were taking or together. I made sure i always looked my best, clothes , hair and makeup, literally doused myself in perfume and put myself under his nose at every opportunity that was natural and not forced. It took him about two weeks to fully pick up on whatever it was I was sending him, but he picked up on it sure enough.

You sound a lot braver than me Op so if you like him, go for it. If, like me, you work with him and are afraid of any potential fall out/ complication if not reciprocated or possible rejection as I was, I would urge subtle/not so subtle but he cannot quite put his finger on it flirting and, see if he picks up on it and reciprocates. I do believe ultimately men like the chase but no harm in letting him know there is a chase there. Good luck OP.

What happened in the end, after he noticed?

CallmeCath · 30/11/2022 17:47

@munny We see each other outside of work, it is still early days. We both have children from previous marriages, so taking it slowly. He has told me he did pick up on a "shift" in something , he was confused at first. He thought it was him fancying me but not vice versa. Whatever it was i did, he noticed but took him a few weeks and even then he was not quite sure. We both attended an out of work relaxed event and that was the catalyst.

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 30/11/2022 17:58

something2say · 28/11/2022 17:03

My advice? Do nothing. It is his job to ask you. Smile and look approachable, that's what I'd do.

Yeah MN will slam us but you're right. If a man wants you in his life you'll know. A woman pursuing a man looks desperate. Sorry, but it's just the way it is.