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Original poster

I kept my son off with a cold and the school isn't pleased.

47 replies

Userno6363637377373633325 · 28/11/2022 14:21

Hear me out, DS 11 started secondary in September, he is autistic and it is mainstream which is kinda relevant.

It seems the school itself have in the past have had a persistence absence problem which has effected ofsted therefore they want kids on as much as possible and with coughs and colds they should be in.

DS has not got a persistence absence problem, he hardly ever gets poorly but when he does sometimes a cold will knock him down for a week.

He has a sore throat, he's congested, he cannot tolerate the feel of a blocked nose, we all hate it but because of his autism he really struggles, he wouldn't focus on any of the work if he was blocked up, he's constantly wiping his nose with a tissue so his face and nose is red raw, weeping and bleeding - not idea to send him like this either. He's coughing a little but not too bad. We also cannot covid test him as he cannot tolerate it.

he was off Friday which was the first day of the cold, Friday was also his first day off since starting, he's also off today. Hoping to be back tomorrow or Wednesday.

the school are not happy I've kept him off with a cold but he's constantly sniffing, sneezing etc. he hasn't learnt how to blow his nose - don't come at me for that!

like I said he doesn't get ill often so it's not like he's having regular time off. I'm hoping this will be it for a good while now!

my kids go to school wherever possible! I don't keep them off no reason! He's always had very good attendance at primary, there is some nasties going around atm including st his school. So many kids are sick!

is it me or the school being assholes?

OP posts:
miceonabranch · 28/11/2022 14:27

The school are wrong. It's important to rest in the event of having a viral infection. Don't want it spreading around either.

It's the school's responsibility to address any absence problems, but that shouldn't include hassling students who are genuinely sick. Not all colds are particularly mild and it's rubbish having to force yourself to do unnecessary things whilst feeling ill.

Lilgamesh2 · 28/11/2022 14:28

Your kid, your choice. Good for you putting his health first.

What did they actually say?

TrixJax · 28/11/2022 14:33

You are the parent and know your child better than anyone. It's your job to assess whether he is well enough for school regardless of the condition he's suffering from.
They can be as displeased as they like!

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FireworkFluster · 28/11/2022 14:33

School are assholes! They are more interested in attendance levels than letting poorly kids be off.
I have a heavy cold and I'm usually very for and healthy. I'm off work because I felt too rubbish to go. Everything hurts and I'm horribly snotty and coughing. It might not be life threatening but it's miserable. In my experience these things go more quickly if you take a day or two to rest. I know several people who haven't rested and they all ended up with chest infections which required antibiotics.

I tend to think that asking kids to be in with a cold is counterproductive. Hope poor fella feels better soon!

Quisquam · 28/11/2022 14:33

I’d tell them they need to accept that DC cannot tolerate colds very well, on account of his autism; and it’s a reasonable adjustment by them, as per The Equality Act 2010, to recognise he needs time off, until you consider he is well enough to cope with school and a cold.

Failure by them to do so, is disability discrimination against him.

AlwaysFullOfQuestions22 · 28/11/2022 14:37

Id tell the school you're his parent not them.
Our school wrote a letter stating kids can go in with coughs, colds etc.
But if i felt dc wasnt well enough to be there then tuff shit.

Hope your ds is better soon

MissDollyMix · 28/11/2022 14:38

TrixJax · 28/11/2022 14:33

You are the parent and know your child better than anyone. It's your job to assess whether he is well enough for school regardless of the condition he's suffering from.
They can be as displeased as they like!

Totally agree with this

Fkfkfkfkfkk · 28/11/2022 14:41

Schools are anal about attendance at the moment because, well Ofsted. I had a rather bullying call the other day as my Dc2 was off ill with fever. Ds1 is autistic and like your DC cannot cope with a cold either. He stops eating and drinking and it knocks him for six. So now I've decided that by default the DC will have vomiting and/or diarrhoea whenever they're too unwell to attend school because fever, congestion etc are clearly not a good enough excuse to the schools.

Original poster
Userno6363637377373633325 · 28/11/2022 14:42

Lilgamesh2 · 28/11/2022 14:28

Your kid, your choice. Good for you putting his health first.

What did they actually say?

Just the fact kids should be in with coughs and colds and how strict they are on attendance!

They send weekly texted home regrading attendance which up until last week had been 100%! Their attendance is read out in tutor time too. Everything is about attendance. I think they are expecting ofsted soon too.

I have been reading their attendance policy and the only thing the school say to stay off is chicken pox or sickness - for 24 hours, I thought it should be 48 hours?

another factor that was that my son gets a minibus to school where there's other kids (couple from another local school too) as well as the driver. I don't think they'd appreciate me sending him coughing and spluttering too.

the school aren't giving him enough support as it is and sending him in Ill is just going to put more strain on the teachers - who are fab but there's a serious lack of teaching assistants and additional support.

OP posts:
SarahMcClarent · 28/11/2022 14:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Userno6363637377373633325 · 28/11/2022 14:44

Fkfkfkfkfkk · 28/11/2022 14:41

Schools are anal about attendance at the moment because, well Ofsted. I had a rather bullying call the other day as my Dc2 was off ill with fever. Ds1 is autistic and like your DC cannot cope with a cold either. He stops eating and drinking and it knocks him for six. So now I've decided that by default the DC will have vomiting and/or diarrhoea whenever they're too unwell to attend school because fever, congestion etc are clearly not a good enough excuse to the schools.

Very similar! DS is not eating much either so not ideal sending him into school like that. He's also got an open wound on his nose from rubbing it continuously!

OP posts:
Original poster
Userno6363637377373633325 · 28/11/2022 14:46

Thanks all. Don't feel so guilty about keeping him off now! Some kids cannot help getting Poorly and there seems to be a lot of viruses circulating at the minute, not sure if it's just here or everywhere else too!

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 28/11/2022 14:50

I decide when my child is well enough for school. I do not give a shite about their policies. Tbh, I don't even look at them because I don't care what they say. I will still be making that decision myself.

LondonLovie · 28/11/2022 14:52

They are not at home with him and have no way of knowing how well or unwell he is.

As his parent you have made the decision to keep him off, that is not their role or job, they are not medically trained and do not have any right to overrule you.

I'd call them, rather than email and tell them in no uncertain terms to stay out of your families health concerns.

One feel really shitty with a sore throat and cold. If you don't rest it can easily turn into tonsillitis or take longer to shake.

Fkfkfkfkfkk · 28/11/2022 14:55

Userno6363637377373633325 · 28/11/2022 14:44

Very similar! DS is not eating much either so not ideal sending him into school like that. He's also got an open wound on his nose from rubbing it continuously!

Show quote history

Hope he feels better soon. It can be really tough because my ASD child needs a lot more reassurance then his NT siblings. School isn't helpful with their constant pestering about attendance and making him feel guilty for having days off, and 'letting the class down'. DS hates school as it is and begs to be homeschooled!

Original poster
Userno6363637377373633325 · 28/11/2022 14:55

LondonLovie · 28/11/2022 14:52

They are not at home with him and have no way of knowing how well or unwell he is.

As his parent you have made the decision to keep him off, that is not their role or job, they are not medically trained and do not have any right to overrule you.

I'd call them, rather than email and tell them in no uncertain terms to stay out of your families health concerns.

One feel really shitty with a sore throat and cold. If you don't rest it can easily turn into tonsillitis or take longer to shake.

Yes absolutely. My daughter was ill last week and it turned into nasty tonsillitis, she was so poorly, in fact I have never seen her as poorly and first time I've experienced tonsillitis as a parent! Thankfully at present DS's throat is not as severe and hoping it will stay that way!

OP posts:
PlainJaneSuperBrain99 · 28/11/2022 15:08

Quisquam · 28/11/2022 14:33

I’d tell them they need to accept that DC cannot tolerate colds very well, on account of his autism; and it’s a reasonable adjustment by them, as per The Equality Act 2010, to recognise he needs time off, until you consider he is well enough to cope with school and a cold.

Failure by them to do so, is disability discrimination against him.

👏👏👏

BobbyBobbyBobby · 28/11/2022 15:10

No advice about schools but can you help with his blocked nose by putting plans oil or similar on a handkerchief/cloth that he can hold up to his face and inhale. Don’t want to offend but wasn’t sure if his autism would make it difficult to use one of those Vicks up your nose sticks!

UnbeatenMum · 28/11/2022 15:11

You're not wrong but if I were you I'd probably say it's a 'flu-like virus' next time.

SirenSays · 28/11/2022 15:18

Good for you! Forcing kids into school when they're sick so they can pass it onto everyone else is ridiculous imo.
I was always forced in when I was ill. I couldn't tell you what they were trying to teach me. I do remember being desperate for tissues and medicine, sleeping on the desk in Spanish class, feeling like a snotty monster and being soo embarrassed...

Redissus · 28/11/2022 15:19

I think most secondary schools are being assholes about attendance at the moment. They are trying to keep every student above 97% at ours. My daughter recently had a terrible cold and stayed at home for 3 days to recover. I will probably get a letter which will be ignored. Don’t ever be made to feel guilty for doing what is best for your child. It makes me angry that parents are essentially being bullied over non-attendance for genuine reasons.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 28/11/2022 15:23

the school are not happy I've kept him off

So what? They can whistle. I got a letter about my son who's had 100% attendance for the past five years but had Covid early this term so is now sitting at 89%. He's clearly not a habitual truanter or anything.

Macaroni46 · 28/11/2022 15:24

Redissus · 28/11/2022 15:19

I think most secondary schools are being assholes about attendance at the moment. They are trying to keep every student above 97% at ours. My daughter recently had a terrible cold and stayed at home for 3 days to recover. I will probably get a letter which will be ignored. Don’t ever be made to feel guilty for doing what is best for your child. It makes me angry that parents are essentially being bullied over non-attendance for genuine reasons.

Schools are being 'arseholes' because ofsted measure them on attendance. The sooner those arseholes are abolished, the better!

Mariposista · 28/11/2022 15:26

If he is too unwell for school, and won't get any productive learning done, he should stay home and rest. If he can soldier on with a packet of tissues and some throat lozenges, he should go in. Simple.

60smusic · 28/11/2022 15:29

You did the right thing. The school are idiots, they don't care about the health of your ds, stand your ground and be firm with them, their 'numbers' are not your problem, your child is ill and they are priority.

I have this regularly with dds school, it's a special needs school, she's severely disabled as are 100% of the children, they all have serious health conditions, but if we keep them off with illness we are hounded and told they can go in, then if we send them, we're phoned to collect them as they are flaked out on a beanbag sick as a dog and they don't want shit spreading to others 🤔🤔🤔 schools do my head in.

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