I kept my son off with a cold and the school isn't pleased.

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Hear me out, DS 11 started secondary in September, he is autistic and it is mainstream which is kinda relevant.

It seems the school itself have in the past have had a persistence absence problem which has effected ofsted therefore they want kids on as much as possible and with coughs and colds they should be in.

DS has not got a persistence absence problem, he hardly ever gets poorly but when he does sometimes a cold will knock him down for a week.

He has a sore throat, he's congested, he cannot tolerate the feel of a blocked nose, we all hate it but because of his autism he really struggles, he wouldn't focus on any of the work if he was blocked up, he's constantly wiping his nose with a tissue so his face and nose is red raw, weeping and bleeding - not idea to send him like this either. He's coughing a little but not too bad. We also cannot covid test him as he cannot tolerate it.

he was off Friday which was the first day of the cold, Friday was also his first day off since starting, he's also off today. Hoping to be back tomorrow or Wednesday.

the school are not happy I've kept him off with a cold but he's constantly sniffing, sneezing etc. he hasn't learnt how to blow his nose - don't come at me for that!

like I said he doesn't get ill often so it's not like he's having regular time off. I'm hoping this will be it for a good while now!

my kids go to school wherever possible! I don't keep them off no reason! He's always had very good attendance at primary, there is some nasties going around atm including st his school. So many kids are sick!

is it me or the school being assholes?

hasn't learnt how to blow his nose - don't come at me for that

Don't worry I have autism and couldn't blow my nose by myself for ages. Everyone had to endure me sniffing.

He is your child. The school is 100% the arsehole here

I work for DS's school and I completely ignore the policy of 'send them in dosed up with paracetomol etc'. He had a bout of sickness last year that meant he was off probably one day a week for 3 -4 weeks. Having never had more than one day off a YEAR in the three years at the school before that.

He was under the GP, had tablets to control acid reflux and then went down with Covid. We got the 'under an acceptable level of attendance' letter and it went in the bin. Totally ignored it.

I may work for them but they do not decide when my child is ill enough to be off school - that's for his parents to decide as we're the ones who take the flack if we get it wrong.

I hope your DS feels better soon. Have you tried the Vicks vapour rub on his chest? DS swears by this when he has a cold and it helped us all when we had a Covid cough after getting a dose of Covid.

I would say to start keeping a log yourself off when and why he is off, in case they try it on. A friend has to do this and the school tried adding days he wasn't off!!

I would be the same as you and have kept him off.

My autistic y7 is on 90% following two colds that have knocked him heavily for about 5 days each (inc weekends)

He's exhausted from the gear change to secondary anyway and it takes so much energy to mask and keep up through a school day without being ill and on reduced energy. He easily goes dizzy and faint, probably not helped by his sensory issues and dyspraxic proprioception. I'm not the type to keep a child off just because they sniffed, but I do weigh up the big picture of DS getting through the week/ term and would rather he has a decent chance to recover and perform better on his return.

Fortunately his school have been very pleasantly human about it.

Thank you everyone 💗

The school is the asshole here. Ofsted are good but they do need to drop the attendance performance metric.

YANBU, not all colds are created equal- sometimes you're a bit sniffy and continue chugging on, sometimes you're totally wiped out. Plus not everyone is affected equally and your son's ASD is impacting too.

I kept DS off on Friday as he was suffering bad nausea and was in the bathroom crying. He has a 30 min train ride to school and there's no way I could send him feeling so ill.

The school emailed me around 10 to say that nausea was not a good enough reason to miss school and that in future they expected him in and any more days off due to nausea would be marked unauthorised.

The reason he felt so sick if because he's just getting over a throat infection plus 2 of his friends had sickness bugs and ds rarely vomits with bugs he just feels very sick.

I know my child and if I deem he's not well enough for school then the school should not question my decision, especially as this is the first absence he had since starting school in September. They really do need to back off parents.

This won't be the last time you come up against the conflict between your child's welfare and the school's preposterous government-imposed priorities. You choose your child, every time. If it gets them off your back, tell them it's flu.

No, OFSTED's obsession with attendance is.

A school can be great in every way, but if their attendance is down, then thay get graded down, significantly. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I doubt there's a headteacher in the country that would choose to have properly sick children in school under normal circumstances, but they simply can't afford not to have systems in place to follow up every single absence.

If everything else is outstanding, I don’t think low attendance hits their rating that hard. I used to think it did because that’s what asshole schools told me. But then my DD moved to a great village school that really doesn’t care about attendance. They said they don’t need attendance to get their Outstanding rating. It’s the schools with not much else to recommend them that are draconian about it because it’s low hanging fruit.

For God's sake he is ill does not matter if they think that is not ill enough and autism has nothing to do with that sometimes people can carry on with colds sometimes it knocks you out if he is ill you keep him off even more so if you cannot covid test him and triple more so because of the other issues but you don't have to explain yourself child is ill child is off school simple as that they are not slaves and schools need to accept that children get ill and so do ofsted.

I’m generally very understanding about schools going crazy over attendance, and would usually say children should be in with a cold, but your ds’s autism does make it different for him. He’s already coping with a lot more than most other children so I think you’re right to let him be at home when he’s not well.

My DS has suspected Add/adhd.
Well, he basically definitely has it, but we’ve moved around so doesn’t have official diagnosis, It’s in the pipeline.
He’s 13 and has just learned to blow his nose this winter 😊 He was very pleased with himself! (As was I!)
School are being annoying, understand they have to do something when loads of unauthorised absences, but that’s not your problem.

I agree that autism makes it even more difficult but if a cold is severe it's going to make NT kids too unwell to go as well. If it's a mild cold, my kids go in, but if they're really genuinely unwell then I keep them home.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Unwell children should be at home recovering, morning school, spreading germs (as you say, potentially covid) and making themselves more sick in the process. Ignore the school and their silly policy. I say this as a teacher.

This ^ was going to be my response to

My DS who is Autistic cant tolerate colds its miserable for all of us, a blocked nose causing him to be extremely distressed.

In one school year, my friend's dd had a lot of sickness absence, first she had her tonsils out, then she broke her leg, then she got appendicitis.

I wish I'd been a fly on the wall the day the attendance officer went round their house.

I got a letter from school the other day 2 out of the three times. He was sent home by them... He has a recent health issue that meant they had to write a care plan in relation to this illness.

My issue is they know the kids who just don't go to school / aren't ill .. target them.

We have gone from almost 2 years off school back to every day counts🙄

My DD is autistic and is terrible when she has a cold/cough she rubs and rubs her nose, cannot get the hang of blowing, I rub vaseline all round her nose and use a cotton vest to wipe as this does not irritate like tissues.

Ignore the school they are just looking at their attendance figures, you are the parent you know your child if you feel they need to be at home they should accept this.