How was your childhood?

[flingingmelon]

You get a point for each -

Your parents liked each other
You had a hot meal every day
You had a warm, safe house to live in
You went on holiday sometimes
You were not bullied
You were not the target of racist / homophobic / religious abuse etc
You weren't lonely
You got on fine at school academically (you could cope with what was expected of you)
You were healthy
You weren't worried about money

Out of 10, DS rates ten, although he's convinced his childhood is terrible because he doesn't have a PS5.

In contrast I would rate six, DH seven.

Where would you rate? Do you consider yourself to have had a good childhood?

I would score 6 on your scale, but I think you've missed out some things that might affect childhood - e.g. being the victim of abuse.

10. Had a very good childhood. I know how lucky I am and now work with children in the care system trying to give them the same.

8, idyllic childhood in some ways, feeling lonely / different / distant-ish mum was a problem.

Interesting as I score 9, but I can’t honestly say I had a good childhood.

I was put down pretty much constantly by both parents and they used to encourage other children and adults to laugh at me.

Unsurprisingly it has affected me a little bit!

I scored 9 but I had a shit childhood rife with abuse of all kinds. So while I get the point about your DS , it's pretty meaningless to a lot of us adults.

My mum would and still does focus on what I had (which was plenty and many would consider spoilt) and completely dismisses the beatings,the emotional abuse,the neglect and several sexual assaults that she did fuck all about it or worse she blamed me for or laughed at. So swings and roundabouts.

Is that your scoring system? It misses out some major factors.

I'd score 9. My parents were divorced and didn't like each other, the rest was fine.

5 for me and I would not say it was absolutely dreadful. But could have been better. Some of it due to the era & some due to mother’s personality

8 but was bullied at school and emotionally abused at home, so certainly wasn't happy for most of it

How about scoring one point for the following:

1. you suffered some abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) from a close family member
2. you were not listened to or believed when you tried to speak up about abuse
3. you were compared to other children and told how much better than you they were
4. you were threatened and intimidated (home or school)
5. home was insecure - what was tolerated one day was not tolerated the next
6. you suffered the loss of a parent (death or divorce) while still at school
7. one or both your parents was an alcoholic or drug addict
8. humiliation was a key part of your childhood ‘discipline’
9. holidays were horrendous as you were trapped with your key tormentors for weeks (!)
10. your parents blamed you for their mistakes

6 at a push. Was ok,but could have been more secure. Had love,suppose that's the main thing. Legacy of childhood affects me now.

I think you can have all of those but still deal with a lot of trauma from abusive, neglectful, narcissistic or undiagnosed ND parents. A majority of those points just require a decent, stable income which many people have. It doesn't indicate anything about the character of their parents or quality of life at home. In fact, many abusive parents take pride in showing their family looks perfect from the outside (house, car, holidays, family xmas photos) but are entirely the opposite at home.

6

2 out of 10. I left home with lifelong complex ptsd and my psychiatrist compared my childhood to children who have been through a war.

I think DS also scores a point for having parents for whom physical abuse doesn't even occur.

I'm no anthropologist, it's simply a rough guide.

For those of you who have been victims of abuse, I'm so sorry to hear and hope you have had the love and support needed to move toward recovery

8/10, my parents didn’t like eachother and I was bullied at primary school. You’ve missed a very important one though - I felt loved by my parents and they were supportive. That’s the most important thing!

I'd score 8. My homelife was lovely, we grew up fairly wealthy - the biggest downside was that Dads job meant we traveled a lot so I went to many different schools. The school that I attended for the second half of my secondary school life came with some bullying unfortunately- not that I really saw it as that at the time. It took me to adulthood to realise what she was doing.

About 6. But like others, I think you've left out a lot of impactful stuff e.g.

Your basic needs (clean clothes, correct school uniform, sanitary protection etc) were met
Your parents were not mentally ill or physically incapacitated
Your parents had no affairs
You had no severely disabled sibling dominating your parents' time and capacity for care
You were loved unconditionally (eg not dependent on getting straight As/grade 8 music/captaining the rugby team etc)

That's not a great scoring system. I had a very privileged but extremely unhappy childhood. What about kids who are poor but surrounded by family and are loved and supported very much?

I scored a nine on the @flingingmelon scoring (if you count bullying as family abuse - I wasn't bullied at school).
However, I also scored Seven (1,2,4,5,6,8,10) on the @Blackcatinanalley.
I would say I survived my childhood and surviving it mentally was very much down to the kindness of my much older brother and neighbours.

4/10 for me, 5 at a pinch. I’m not sure if my parents liked each other really. My dad was a difficult man who died when I was a teen
Mainly I was bullied in school & lonely until I as mid teens when I finally made a lot more friends.
Our house was warm, we ate and didn’t have major money worries. I was smacked but it’s what parents did then.

I agree. I had very comfortably off parents who loved each other and us, but...

We had terrible asthma until about 12 (Dsis for much longer).

I was very lonely for part of my teens.

I didn't do well at school and a large part of that was from having no guidance from my parents, who assumed we'd marry successful men and be looked after.

Luckily we've both done well career-wise since.

@Blackcatinanalley - my dad died when I was a mid-teen but life actually got easier afterwards because he was so controlling. And he made me feel guilty for not believing what he believed even though I was v much a ‘good’ girl and only wanted to be with my friends. I don’t miss him now at all, but still miss my mum who died over 20 years ago.,

You’ve missed a very important one though - I felt loved by my parents and they were supportive.

This^
I scored 9/10 and had very happy childhood but I think this is the most important aspect. A child needs to feel loved, secure and supported

You were loved unconditionally (eg not dependent on getting straight As/grade 8 music/captaining the rugby team etc)

IME this is an upward sliding scale the more wealthy your parents are. Especially with boys - it's why so many aristocrats over the years have tried to climb Everest for example.

@JustDanceAddict I'm so sorry you lost both parents so young - that must have been so hard.