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Original poster

What is it with men using the football as an excuse?

51 replies

LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:23

Hello,

I don't feel annoyed, I feel very disappointed in my partner. It was our sons 3rd birthday yesterday and he decided to work which is fair enough in the current times. This did however mean I was on my own yesterday to give him a special day, which I did. We had a day of all his favorite things! I also have his 1 year old sister with me.

Partner said he was going to go out to watch the football, again not a major thing as our son would be in bed by half 7. Partner got home from work around half 5, had a bath then left at half 6. Said he was just going out to watch the game and would be coming straight back after as he didn't want to feel crap for today (we are taking him to a big inside theme park type place with our familes).

I messaged him at around 9pm saying could he keep an ear out for son (we sleep in separate rooms as he snores, and his room is much closer to our sons) and I also co sleep with one year old, so it means it's not all on me to get up with both children if they wake (spoiler - one year old always does!) as he felt a bit warm and had a runny nose, so I felt he may wake during the night.

At 2am I hear son calling out, I don't hear my partner so I get up and see partner is not here. I get son and message partner asking where he is - he's drunk at someone's house. Son ends up in the bed with me and one year old, I am absolutely exhausted today now.

Partner promised he would be getting up with our son today, having a breakfast 'date' with him, getting the children ready for the day as he felt bad, he wasn't with us yesterday and that he also went out and left me on my own last night to watch the game. (I enjoy football too!)

I just feel really disappointed, and I know 'but it was the England game' will be used as an excuse. Not really sure what I am asking. Just feel knackered this morning and disheartened that it is me now having the breakfast date with my son, which I really don't mind btw, but it was meant to be my partners day to spend time with him.

And yes, I have tried to wake him up. Not been successful.

OP posts:
RainbowToes · 26/11/2022 08:27

Lots of men are incredibly selfish.
It's all about what they want and need.

catandcoffee · 26/11/2022 08:27

Send the kids in to jump all over him.
What a pratt putting football before your child.

Greydogs123 · 26/11/2022 08:28

Give your son breakfast and then send him in to see Daddy. Open the curtains, play some loud music, anything to make staying in bed not fun for your h. He’s an arse who has let you and your son down and I would be making sure he knows it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

1 year olds
lottiegarbanzo · 26/11/2022 08:29

But it was his son's birthday - and his birthday treat day today!

That's a man who doesn't care about his children. They will notice. They will remember. Does he realise that?

Sadly, when older, they (if boys) will probably copy him, as a way of joining in, finding his attention and being part of a bigger group. That will be the way he teaches them to relate to other men. And, if they pursue him far enough down that path, they'll be crap partners too.

Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:31

I know, I do feel very let down.

I don't want to have an argument with him today for our sons sake, however I will be making it known that his behaviour has been poor to say the very least.

OP posts:
Sprouttreesareamazing · 26/11/2022 08:31

It was a crap game!!
He is a crap df /dh.

He needs to be making big amends...

Byelaws · 26/11/2022 08:33

This is really nothing to do with the football.

’what is it with men…’ er no, what is it with this man who treats his family so badly.

Rocksludge · 26/11/2022 08:35

I don’t think this is a ‘men’ issue.

it’s quite specifically a this particular man issue. He’s letting you and the children down dreadfully.

He wants you to think it’s just men in general using the football as an excuse. But it’s really isn’t. It’s him. You’re allowed to be very angry with him.

Babdoc · 26/11/2022 08:37

As PPs have said, this is nothing to do with either football or men, and everything to do with your partner being a useless selfish shit. Normal men manage to watch football and still be good husbands and fathers.

bellinisurge · 26/11/2022 08:39

It was a shit dull nothing game. Middle game in group stages. Nice to win but not a national "moment" - like a crucial qualifier or a knockout game.
There is no excuse for bunking off. Which is what he did.

Afterfire · 26/11/2022 08:42

bellinisurge · 26/11/2022 08:39

It was a shit dull nothing game. Middle game in group stages. Nice to win but not a national "moment" - like a crucial qualifier or a knockout game.
There is no excuse for bunking off. Which is what he did.

This.

He also knows you won’t confront him because you don’t want a bad atmosphere today. So make sure you do say something.

Kindofcrunchy · 26/11/2022 08:43

My husband went to the pub to watch the football at half six and got back at ten, sober. It's definitely not all men.

Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:43

I went up again to try wake him, he said 'I wasn't even that drunk' I said that isn't what my issue is.

My issue is that after everything falling to me to make the day special yesterday, I am now exhausted today as I have been up multiple times during the night with both children, I have done the breakfast date you promised our son and you are still in bed now whilst I have been up for ages.

The reason I mention the football is because him and his friends all seem to put the England games on a pedestal above all else. I get being into it - I enjoy watching the games too. But it was our sons birthday and is his birthday weekend and we have plans.

OP posts:
MassiveSalad22 · 26/11/2022 08:44

Yeah that’s really shit. I don’t think you should have expected him to take a day off work for your son’s birthday, that would be unusual so I’d let him off that. But he shouldn’t be getting that drunk especially as DS is ill AND it’s his bday weekend. He should automatically prioritise his son and be excited to celebrate with him this weekend. I hope he’s been dragged out of bed now! His own fault if he feels shit.

MassiveSalad22 · 26/11/2022 08:45

Also what’s wrong with just watching the game at home - DH did, in bed by 10 or whatever, we also have an ill baby FWIW. Going and getting pissed is it an essential part of it.

Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:46

@MassiveSalad22 Yes, I agreed with him about work, it's more the point that he hadn't seen him at all really on his birthday and prioritized the England game. Just very frustrating.

OP posts:
Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:46

MassiveSalad22 · 26/11/2022 08:45

Also what’s wrong with just watching the game at home - DH did, in bed by 10 or whatever, we also have an ill baby FWIW. Going and getting pissed is it an essential part of it.

Totally agree, I watched it at home by myself with some food and one glass of wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:46

I told him I feel let down, he is still in bed

OP posts:
RocketIceLollie · 26/11/2022 08:47

I can't begrudge him working, or even watching the football, but to drunkenly wonder off to a party at 2am when he's promised a birthday breakfast with his son is piss poor.

PrincessPoodle · 26/11/2022 08:47

Rocksludge · 26/11/2022 08:35

I don’t think this is a ‘men’ issue.

it’s quite specifically a this particular man issue. He’s letting you and the children down dreadfully.

He wants you to think it’s just men in general using the football as an excuse. But it’s really isn’t. It’s him. You’re allowed to be very angry with him.

Honestly that's gas lighting. It is a men's issue.

That isn't accepting it, quite the opposite. But don't pretend this isn't a sex specific situation.

Sexual violence and domestic violence also go up drastically with the football. By nearly half when England lose.

PrincessPoodle · 26/11/2022 08:49

Men can be cunts, especially when football is involved. I'd be making sure that cocomelon is playing during any future games.

YellowTreeHouse · 26/11/2022 08:49

This isn’t a men or football thing. This is a your husband is a dick thing.

Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:50

Yes, my BIL has 'no money' atm apparently, but took 200 pounds out of his and my SIL savings on Monday to go out for the game. Did not return home until the following day. Said to my SIL don't be angry, it's the England game.

I just expected better from my partner on our sons birthday.

OP posts:
Original poster
LanadelDoll · 26/11/2022 08:51

PrincessPoodle · 26/11/2022 08:47

Honestly that's gas lighting. It is a men's issue.

That isn't accepting it, quite the opposite. But don't pretend this isn't a sex specific situation.

Sexual violence and domestic violence also go up drastically with the football. By nearly half when England lose.

Show quote history

That's very sad but entirely believable.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 26/11/2022 08:51

I’d go ballistic. He could have watched the game and been home at a decent hour. TBH he could have missed the beginning to spend more time with your DS until he went to bed. As others have said, it’s only a pool game.

And to stay in bed now 😳. It has nothing to go with football. It’s just him thinking he should be able to do whatever he likes and everyone else can get stuffed