Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My son is 3 tomorrow. He won't understand

37 replies

AMumsTale · 25/11/2022 23:50

My son is three tomorrow. He has ASC and won't understand it is his birthday. He can't unwrap his presents without help and certainly cannot read the card I have written. I'm not sure he'll connect the presents are for him.

He won't notice the banners but he will be over the moon with the balloons and bubbles. He'll pay no attention to the people coming but he'll be happy to be surrounded by them. He won't wait for everyone to eat but he'll be overjoyed at the chance to have chocolate cake.

I love my boy with all my being and I know he knows that but I do hope one day he can read the cards I write for him and understand.

OP posts:

OllytheCollie · 25/11/2022 23:59

Awww happy birthday to your son. I hope he has a wonderful day and especially enjoys his cake. ASC or not at that age birthdays can be a bit overwhelming and confusing and it's often balloons, bubbles and cake they enjoy more than fuss, visitors and presents. Tbh I like cake more than fuss and presents on my birthday and I am 43. He has sensible priorities.

RettyPriddle · 26/11/2022 00:05

Happy birthday to your son. I’ve been there. You’re doing a great job. Your son will pay back all your love, big time. I hope he has a lovely birthday x

GingerScallop · 26/11/2022 00:07

Happy birthday to him. In some way, it doesn't matter much that he won't understand. It matters that he will be happy and feel loved. You are an amazing mum.
I share your hope that one day he will read. For num just enjoy the cuddles and love

StopTalkingAndListen · 26/11/2022 00:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

R0098 · 26/11/2022 00:11

Happy birthday to your son.
Remember he will progress as time goes on, it just may take a different path to that of a typical child. My dd recently had a birthday, it was the first time she opened her presents independently and blew out her candles. I never thought I’d see that.
Hope you enjoy the day together.

saraclara · 26/11/2022 00:15

Happy Birthday to him, and a hug for you. Even though I don't do hugs.

I hope that he has his own sort of happy day, and has a chocolaty face in no time.

LemonFanciesAreNeitherFancyNorLemonyEnough · 26/11/2022 00:17

Happy birthday little one. 💝

I think you have planned a lovely party for him with lots of things he'll like!!

I hope he has an amazing day tomorrow and a beautiful life.

Original poster

AMumsTale · 26/11/2022 00:26

Thank you all. I'm sure he'll have a lovely day. I'll take him out in the morning and in the afternoon otherwise it is overwhelming. Once he goes to bed I'm on the night shift so it has worked out well.

I know all children can be hard work but the little things worry me the most. And I just want the best for him.

OP posts:

Givepeasachancee · 26/11/2022 00:27

Happy birthday to your little one.

We are in the same boat with DC age 4. Diagnosed autistic and non verbal still. Couldn't give a toss about presents 😁

We've focused more this year on making the day all about him, instead of doing "traditional birthday things"

So we spent ages feeding the ducks, because he loves to throw feed at them and scatter small items

Spent a while splashing around with water play, popped in to see relatives then had all his favourite foods. He didn't want the cake 🙈

Climbie · 26/11/2022 01:22

Happy birthday to your little one! He is still wee and has so much time ahead of him.

DS is still an absolute pain to buy for 😆 but his dad is just as bad.

Itisbetter · 26/11/2022 01:33

Ds was just such a one. Let him have balloons and take thousands of pictures. Ds didn’t know our names at three, though he knew us. He had no “yes” just used “no”. I have always adored him. He’s 17 now and can talk, read, do basic maths, tell jokes, swim, play board games, has been on holidays and baked cakes. Our life is happy and he isn’t like his siblings or other 17 year olds and won’t live independently, but I am so glad he’s mine.

Happy Birthday to your little boy and I so hope he brings you as much joy as mine has to me.

cestlavielife · 26/11/2022 01:47

My asc ds has never wanted or eaten cake in half a century. Give him a granny smith apple tho...
You are adjusting to a birthday that suits him
Not hollywood .
Celebrate 3 years .
Keep showing him photos books words symbols , use ipad apps.
Assume he will learn.
On his path.

Daisychainsandglitter · 26/11/2022 07:24

Hi OP I just wanted to wish your little boy happy birthday.
DD1 is autistic and as you described she had no understanding of her 3rd birthday and neither her 4th or 5th. In fact she didn't have much understanding of anything really. Reception in particular was very difficult for her.
She's 8 now and it was a pleasure to see how excited she was on her birthday. We took her to a water park and to McDonalds afterwards.
At parents evening recently her teacher showed me the story she'd written about her best day in the summer holidays being her birthday and how much she'd enjoyed herself. It honestly brought a lump to my throat I was so pleased.
I've been where you are and know how it feels but don't give up hope. He will get there in his own time.
I hope you enjoy your day today OP

chikp · 26/11/2022 07:25

He will feel the love in the room

Singleandproud · 26/11/2022 07:28

I hope you both have a great day.

Instead of wrapping presents perhaps put them in a big box with shredded paper for him to pull out like a lucky dip, it'll still be a surprise but in a different way.

Sindonym · 26/11/2022 07:32

I’m sorry OP - my son is twenty odd years older now. He did have some years where he quite liked opening presents but he has gone back to not being that interested now. I largely give him unwrapped presents with just a few wrapped. There is great joy on giving something that he really likes though (hard to predict) because you see such unfiltered joy! He does really like blowing candles out which is a day I never thought I would see at one stage. Have to stop him blowing out other people’s candles as well.

Your son may well develop to understanding and liking birthdays etc - many of my son’s peers did. But even if he doesn’t it does get easier. Everything gets easier from 3 when the future is still so unknown.

And enjoy the love. My kids are all grown up now but my great lump of a first born still has a very cuddly way of showing his love.

Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 · 26/11/2022 07:38

Happy birthday to your son. I have nearly 6 year old, birthday in January and she autistic, non verbal and has significant learning disability, she won't know its her birthday she won't be interested in most of her presents. I find it super hard to find anything to buy her as she just doesn't play with toys . She likes some baby toys. Ill get her a card but she wont open it. She won't be interested if we invite anyone around and usually won't like it. She does love cake it's her favourite so I know she will like that. I find around birthday time the hardest. She has progressed a little over the year. But nothing in comparison to her peers. And its a reminder. I don't want to say it get easier because for me it hasn't, but we deal with it cause we have to. She is a happy smiley child so at least she isn't suffering. With not being in our world.

Original poster

AMumsTale · 26/11/2022 07:49

Thank you for all the well wishes and sharing similar experiences. His dad has dropped him home (we're separated) he too is sad at the lack of recognition of his birthday.

However, we've now done my presents and the bath toy has gone down a treat, as has the plushie bluey and bingo. I feel bad I haven't got him loads but he doesn't really play with toys.

OP posts:

Sindonym · 26/11/2022 07:57

Learning not to get loads of toys was the hardest thing for me. And my mother was a nightmare. You definitely made the right decision there - and much less overwhelming for him. It sounds like he has had a lovely birthday xx

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 26/11/2022 07:58

Happy birthday to your DS today. It sounds like a he'll have a lovely day, even if he doesn't understand. :)

ipswichwitch · 26/11/2022 08:12

You’re doing what’s right for him, and I know it’s difficult to let go of the idea of how these things “should be done”. DS2 is autistic, and at that age couldn’t cope with too much excitement and frequently got overwhelmed. We’d keep things low key, spread presents throughout the day and got what he was interested in- one year it was a collection of mason jars which he loved keeping his random treasures in! He also loved the room full of balloons and bubbles, and struggled with opening presents (we either put things of gift bags or just covered with a sheet of paper he could just pull off).

I'm sure your DS will have a lovely birthday, what could be better than doing what you like and eating cake while you do it?!

Lwren · 26/11/2022 08:13

Hello! Happy birthday wee man! 💙💙💙

My DS is ASD and i have had so many worries and concerns, sleepless nights and the difference in him since going to a specialist school and just simply time has made a remarkable difference.
I'm not saying he'll ever be independent etc but he's so little, the things my baby couldn't comprehend a few years ago are now things he's excelling in.

He knows he's loved and in a world as confusing as a childs with autism thats the most amazing thing 🥰

childofthewild · 26/11/2022 08:14

Happy birthday to your son! It's my birthday too, it's a great day to be born, lots of sagittarius energy 😊 I'm sure you'll both have a fab day x

SparkleTwilight · 26/11/2022 08:18

Happy birthday to your DS! My son is also autistic and he has learning difficulties, he didn’t understand birthdays at age 3 but now that he’s 8 he certainly does, he loves all celebrations (birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, etc). I think as the years went on he connected the memories and it helped him to understand these events.

We do things a bit differently with him, as he gets a bit overwhelmed by the excitement, so we have very chilled birthday parties and not too many presents. He’s happy enough!

Wam90 · 26/11/2022 08:22

Happy Birthday to your son, I hope he enjoys it in his own way 🎂🎈🎁

Flip

1 2