My son is 3 tomorrow. He won't understand

[AMumsTale]

My son is three tomorrow. He has ASC and won't understand it is his birthday. He can't unwrap his presents without help and certainly cannot read the card I have written. I'm not sure he'll connect the presents are for him.

He won't notice the banners but he will be over the moon with the balloons and bubbles. He'll pay no attention to the people coming but he'll be happy to be surrounded by them. He won't wait for everyone to eat but he'll be overjoyed at the chance to have chocolate cake.

I love my boy with all my being and I know he knows that but I do hope one day he can read the cards I write for him and understand.

My DS birthdays were adapted to him, he loved balloons and bubble wrap, didn’t like unwrapping things so use to take the present out of package and just put in empty box with polystyrene curls. Things changed was he got older but he always loves the balloons

I don't want to minimise the difficult aspects of your son's birthday. Your post is very sad. But he's only 3! I have two neurotypical children. One is an outstanding reader (had read all of Harry Potter by the time he was six). Neither could read their cards on their third birthday. Both had to receive some help opening presents. (They wouldn't have been able to open them at all if I had wrapped them up tightly and normally.) One had a birthday party (joint) with his friend from nursery, and they did play together, but evinced little interest in the other children who had been invited. At the end, he wet himself and had to be taken home in floods of tears. For both, it was mostly about the cake. Neither has any memory of their third birthday 2 and 4 years on.

Some of this is just being 3!

Happy birthday to your boy! Mine will be 10 next month and won't know it's his birthday. Cake will be the highlight I think. :)

I used to feel sad at all the things my DD couldn’t do too. I wanted to wrap her presents in cute pink paper and have her rip it open, I wanted her to choose something to ask Santa for. I mourned the things she would never do. Eventually I stopped, she didn’t like unwrapping presents so I stopped wrapping them. Just put them in a big box and her older brother helped her open the box. Or covered them with a new blanket she could pull away herself. She didn’t like parties or crowds so now we just have a family thing at home. She’s 7 now and she does love opening presents (even those that aren’t hers!) so I’m back to wrapping everything again. She still wants the toys as soon as she sees them though so I take them out of the boxes/put batteries in before I wrap so they are good to go. She won’t ever read the cards or know it is her birthday or what she would like (still toddler toys and board books) but she loves the attention of her birthday now. The singing and cake and balloons. And she likes the presents and new things (she used to ignore new things for weeks! Didn’t like the change, that was disheartening) at Christmas and on her birthdays. Things are different to how I thought they would be but she’s happy, she’s developed a lot in the last year too. Happy Birthday to your little one, I hope he has a very happy day x

Hi. Hope u enjoy thr day with him. Can imagine the joy when he's eating his chocolate cake 🙂 best wishes

We just do the stuff he understands and enjoys, and don't worry too much about the other stuff. For example, my son doesn't know he's 3 but he does know what a birthday present is. He couldn't unwrap it by himself so we don't wrap them because he likes knowing what he's getting anyway. He doesn't really know what a birthday is but he likes getting birthday cake. He doesn't like big crowds and parties so we have quiet birthdays. This year (age 3) he enjoyed soft play during school hours when it was emptier.

It's shit but then most of the stuff we think we need for celebrations is just a cultural construct, and ASC children innately create their own individual interpretations of those. There's actually research from P Spikins that shows ND individuals were potentially responsible for inventing and creating all the early cave art. It doesn't help when you wish they'd say "mummy" just once, but I do love imagining what the world looks like through DS's eyes. It gets me through when I'm wiping up poo smeared on the walls and floor.

My son is 12 and has severe autism and learning disabilities,he's non verbal.,he doesn't understand birthdays either ,but we do things he enjoys ,he ,s in the main a very happy boy and we love him very much
Things got easier for me when I learned to accept it for what it is.

You may find his birthdays are always different to what you envisage in your head but as long as he is happy that’s what matters.

ds was 13 last week he wasn’t bothered by the presents but had a lovely time playing with the balloons. He asked for no banners or cards and doesn’t eat cake. We couldn’t say or sing happy birthday either. But he had a lovely chilled day his way.

hope you have a lovely day together

You lot are all making me emotional!
I taught children like yours for many years. I'm retired now but you've made me miss my old job, the children and their parents.

It now looks as though autism is rearing its head in my own family, so it's wonderful to read the parental love emanating from this thread.

Today has been wonderful. My son enjoyed his presents. Loved his balloons and bubbles. He gets so excited he does a sort of jig/dance. It is adorable (yes I am very biased!). He even gave my sister and bil a huge hug and face touch. They were both so pleased as he normally pushes away from people.

He had his cake, then ate some of mine and then moved onto my sister who shared hers with him.

I hope from so many of the stories on here that he gets to the point where he understands more and gets excited about his special day.

💐💙💖for all of you in the same boat or a completely different one.

Sounds perfect.

as the mother of another autistic bubble fan I can highly recommend one of these www.argos.co.uk/product/8474920?gbraid=0AAAAAD9II9mqyNsdubAGbXjmqk25wu46O&istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=c290d9a9-b5d6-423c-841d-2a559621874c&istItemId=iaxamprpt&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:629-618-1342%7Ccid:16634989433%7Cagid:133162502845%7Ctid:pla-891627588888%7Ccrid:588879114441%7Cnw:u%7Crnd:4556535608663906083%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9046508&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=16634989433&utm_term=8474920&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=133162502845&utm_custom2=629-618-1342&GPDP=true&gbraid=0AAAAAD9II9mqyNsdubAGbXjmqk25wu46O&gclid=Cj0KCQiAj4ecBhD3ARIsAM4Q_jEQI5HY8K78VEepkYrd_wXmQ4WFNqm8JH9sy-Z_QoIOotqoHFTMbvMaAghfEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds it is fantastic!

Happy birthday to your lovely boy ☺️