Was it a mistake to accept this job

[isthisamistakeornot]

I returned to work two years ago after having my second child (just turned 3). I also have an older child (age 6).

I currently work 24 hours a week. I fell into it by accident as my old job ended when I was on maternity leave so I was offered this instead. I hate the job itself and don’t particularly like the culture or many of the people I work with, although my line manager is lovely.

On the days I’m at work I feel really depressed and lethargic as I just feel like my life is ticking away doing pointless rubbish 😂 But it’s so flexible and it’s 3 days a week, only one of which is in the office…

I have been offered another job which looks really good and is much more in line with what I want to do long term. But it’s 30 hours a week (4 days) and even though I think I will enjoy it more it is likely to be much more stressful. I am already worrying about what will happen if one of the kids are sick etc as I doubt it will be as easy for me to just cancel things and work from home the way it is in my current job. Also my head is always so full of all the stuff I need to get done for the kids/school/wider family etc and I’m doubting I’ve got the headspace for something more challenging (I realise that sounds pathetic but it’s true!)

The pay is similar for both although obviously I’ll earn more by increasing my hours - and I won’t actually have to pay anything extra for childcare because of how it all aligns with my DH’s job.

If I wasn’t a parent I’d go for the new job but I’m worrying I’m making a huge mistake and that swapping my current “easy but miserable” job is something I will regret. How do I decide what to do?

Personally I think if you are happy in your job it makes the other stresses not seem as bad.

That was my thinking too! That’s why I’ve accepted it (yesterday) but now I’m suddenly doubting myself.

I think if you turn it down now, you’ll regret it.

However, I do love my part-time hours and I can definitely to feeling ‘tied’ to a basic job because of the work life balance that it gives me.

Give the new job a go. If you can, use a little of the extra money to find a shortcut that saves you time to help maintain your balance.

Meaningful work is a huge part of happiness you will feel better going in the right direction for you and all this will pass. Well done.

You're much better off going for this new job if it's what you find more interesting

Thanks everyone. I think you’re right and I do want to do it but it just feels like a major step out of my very comfortable but very boring current position. But I know that could be a good thing.

Update…I think I’m going to withdraw!!! I just don’t know if I can do it. I’m too worried.

You may as well try the new job - what do you have to lose?

Every one will have niggles about starting a new job but if you hate your current job you risk losing it if your performance isn’t up to par.
you’ll be more motivated in the new job and it’s only 4 days-

Boredom is awful, but so is being stretched to the limit and having no free time.

It won't be long before your younger child goes to full time school, so why don't you stay where you are in the meantime and change jobs then, as you're likely to find it easier to work longer hours once they're older?

I’m worried that if I give it up I won’t get anything like this again. It’s a bit of a golden cage really - it’s well paid for what it is, and it is super flexible. Yet also incredibly boring (to me at least) and I don’t feel much of a connection to the work or the people.

This is true. To be honest I think part of the reason I feel people don’t treat me with respect is because they don’t think I’m very good. I can kind of see their point 😂 I struggle to motivate myself in this current role.

Four years ago (before second child in a demanding job which I enjoyed) people used to think I was brilliant but I don’t know if I can go back to being like that. It honestly feels like that was a different person.

I think with a 3 and a 6 year old… you are out of the baby stages, time to start taking care of your career and yourself really, easy enough to do along side being a parent, especially as its part time. If not now, then when? Do you still want to be stuck in your boring job when the kids are 8 and 11 and don’t need you as much? I’d go for it.

Maybe it wasn’t a ‘different person’, maybe it’s because it was a different job. Just because it’s a good job doesn’t mean it’s the right job for you. Don’t sell your self short!

I guess if not now it would be once they’re out of primary school…but I can’t even imagine what my confidence will be like by then if it’s this low now 🫣

I suppose the other alternative is that I sit this current role out for a bit longer and wait for something else to come up which ticks more boxes (3 days I guess). But I’ve been looking at other jobs for a looooong time and this is the first one which appeals, can be done part time, and for which I’ve been successful at interview.

Unless you have no other option life is too short to do a job you hate.

I don't know, I was in a similar position and made the leap from flexible, comfortable but boring job to one that aligned more with my career goals and I regret it every single bloody day. I wish I had waited a few more years when in my mind and logistically I felt ready to commit to something more demanding. That said plenty of people don't regret it, it depends how much you benefit now from the flexibility etc.

Eeek! This is what worries me. Sorry you’re feeling like that.

Do you mind me asking what the issues are with the current situation? How old are your children now?

It sounds as though you’re suffering from imposter syndrome, feeling that you’re not good enough to do the job. Surely they wouldn’t have offered it to you if they thought you couldn’t do it. What’s the worst that can happen? You accept the job and don’t like it, so leave. What’s the best- you do well, take on more as the children get older and progress your career.

Could you manage financially if you take the job, hate it and leave? Or would you need to find something else before leaving?

I an older woman and work three days a week due to health issues and would never consider taking on a job for 4 days. Instead I do a bit of freelance work from home now and then to add to my income.

Working three days gives me the right balance and also reduces stress which helps me manage my health condition.

The job is not perfect but I enjoy it, it has decent pay and as it is only 3 days a week, it really does not have to be the most amazing job.

My point is you have to decide whether you value flexibility and being able to have a good work-life balance more or if you would be happier in a job that is more demanding by might be more interesting with better career opportunities.

For me flexibility and low stress are the top of my requirement list.

How likely is your DH to step up? If you're a couple, it's up to both of you to make the more demanding job happen. Ideally, he would share the extra load (including mental load) and all would be well.

Staying in a role where you don’t feel respected because you aren’t motivated isn’t a good idea. Damage to your reputation and all that. We spend most of our lives working, do something you actually want to do and are motivated to do well in

I’m basically stuck in a loop in my current job where on my non-working days I think…this isn’t so bad, I’ve got a good deal.

And on my working days I think…I can’t do this anymore, I’m wasting my life.

He’s generally pretty good so I think it would be ok. The plan is that he would do morning drop offs and I’ll do pick up. But he is required to travel for 2-3 days a month and that will be stressful.

Take the job!

I'm in a similar position to you in taking an easy job, but the main annoyance is that I feel that I'm literally going backwards. I'm used to being encouraged to high standards, but no one at work even understands what I'm doing, let alone are able to stretch me on it.

If you do the same, you'll end up in a few years way less than you were before, and it really knocks you.