First world problems but CoL stress making me low and parents making it worse

[Hell0G00dbye]

Things are very tight for us at the moment. We moved 2 years ago and recently had to remortgage, we didn’t anticipate this going up as much as it did when we bought so it’s costing £300 more a month. Added to extra fuel costs, childcare has gone up, food has exploded and our carefully budgeted house purchase is now too expensive.
Im frustrated as my parents at the time suggested we stretch ourselves financially, what would be just affordable would be comfortable in a year or 2 (and it would have been if not for everything that’s happened). They are boomers and made hundreds of thousands from property. We are now reallly struggling. Have cut back on most things. I was speaking to my mum today and almost ended up in tears about how stressed I am. I’ve taken on extra work but the money just gets eaten up.
She just kept saying stay positive things will work out etc. I’m so annoyed- part of the reason we stretched ourselves is because they told us to! They are very wealthy and none of the recent rises bother them at all. Pensions are almost what DH and I earn with money in the bank and massive house with no mortgage. I don’t begrudge them their lives but it seems insincere to tell me to perk up when we can barely afford the basics and things are getting worse.
Sorry for the moan but does anyone else’s parents just not get it?!

Bump

Have you told your parents you are struggling? I think sometimes our parents just dont get it. We are comfortable but i know my parents and in laws have no idea of the cost of things.

I would be mortified to find out my kids were struggling while i was minted.

Can relate.

I told my mum that I can't afford to heat my rented home and now dealing with damp. "Can't you just put the heating on?" "No it's costing me £10 a day and I'm on a prepayment meter." "Well you need to pay it!"

Easy for her to say she retired at 54, lives off my dad's military pension, has property worth 500k+ and maximum saving bonds.
They just don't get it.

What exactly were you wanting her to say?

Unless you have made some ludicrous decisions requiring constant bailouts, i am astounded your parents would let you struggle tbh. Seems really tight of them!

I cannot imagine seeing my adult DC struggling . I help DD ( single parent ) every month and don’t grudge a penny . DH and I are comfortable so why wouldn’t I help ?

you seem to be blaming your parents for your decisions
You are healthy
Things will work out interest rates are expected to fall withinn12-18 months

Your parents could definitely be more understanding / sympathetic and in their position I'd probably offer some help BUT you can't blame your decisions on them

Were you hoping for more practical financial help, OP? Otherwise I’m not sure what they’ve done wrong.

Sorry for your situation

I think you need to stop talking to them so much - make your own risk assessments on purchases and don't confide in them about money. They sound pretty insensitive given you are clearly explaining how tight things are.

I don’t know maybe just to say I know things are really tough, sorry you’re struggling, is there anything we can do etc. I don’t want them to give us money or expect it and to be honest I only told her how much we were struggling as she called me after I was having a wobble re:finances and stress and was tearful when I answered the phone.
I just feel like saying ‘oh well things Will her better’ is a patronising. I also feel like things have continually gotten worse over the past few years and I just can’t imagine things suddenly getting better.

I don’t blame my decisions on them at all I just find it sad that we made very similar decisions to them and things have turned out very differently. I don’t blame them for this but some acknowledgement would be nice sometimes perhaps.

they could support you now - although not obliged to

but it sounds like you are blaming them for your decision - which isn’t right as you made the decision

to be fair to everyone though, whilst it was inevitable that interest rates would rise, the cost of living crisis wouldn’t have been as predictable before the Ukraine war

Some people are just not very supportive, this is as true of parents as any other group in society. Being a good listener/supportive person is a skill and it sounds like the OP's mother just doesn't have it.

Are you the OP, @NameChangeLifeChange

Eugh name change fail yes

My parents are like this to some extent, although me and DH aren't struggling too badly, we have had to tighten our belts a bit. My parents are multi-millionaires who were mortgage free at 50, my mum had never worked a day in her life (SAHM) and my dad retired at 48. I obviously am pleased for them and don't begrudge them their luxuries, but they have no idea how privileged they are, which can get frustrating!

I would never expect them to support us financially (although they would if we asked) but I just wish they could be a little more considerate rather than sending us long messages listing the 4(!!!) luxury holidays they have planned over the next 3 months and then asking when our next holiday is! (ummm, probably 2048 in a tent in scotland....)

maybe just to say I know things are really tough, sorry you’re struggling, is there anything we can do etc. I don’t want them to give us money or expect it

But if you don’t want them to give you money, other than making supportive noises what exactly would “anything we can do to help” be?

If you can work that out, ask them directly if they can help.

You made your own decisions - you didn't have to take your parents' advice. (And you should always assume that interest rates will rise, tbh). Just stop discussing money with your folks is probably the best way to handle it now.

Yes I do relate. My FIL keeps asking if we are going to get an extension to our house and my MIL sent her Christmas list with the minimum priced item being £40. There’s only 3 to buy for on that side of the family but there’s 14 on my side (lots of siblings), that’s before we even start buying for our own children. It really annoys me that they don’t realise we can’t afford these things. So I completely get your pain OP, I think it helps to have a moan to people in the same position who actually understand and feel the same.

My FIL keeps asking if we are going to get an extension to our house

What do you say to him? My mil asked me this once-I replied that I would love to but we couldn’t afford it and were unlikely to be able to afford it any time soon. She has not asked again!

"That is OK dear, I will sell my house and gift you the money"😉

It must be very hard to have grown up with a silver spoon in your mouth and then have to struggle.

I do generally find my parents generation quite out of touch with financials! Young people have a very different financial forecast ahead of them compared to the older generations.

That said, your parents were right and you are right to stretch yourself with property if you can - we did and even though we're struggling now, it's completely worth it as it's value has gone up so much. It was the same with our first house too

@Shinyandnew1 we have told him but tbh as we earn more than he did and he could afford an extension he just thinks we can. Generally we just ignore it now I don’t think he’ll ever get it