So sick of tears and demands

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

Feel like I've got parenting totally wrong. Kids are just turned 4 and just turned 2. They don't stop demanding, they don't stop crying..the 2 year old objects to getting dressed, every, single, day. Cleaning teeth... more tears. Who left the house first. More tears. Who sang the second verse of Away in a Manger first. More tears.

We went to an NT place this afternoon, had a coffee and a cake as a treat, they see a Robin and want to see it closer so both dash outside despite me telling them no. I end up chasing the 4 year old down who just goes mental a couple of times a day and just wants to escape and lash out.

Despite my absolute best efforts we can't seem to have a nice time. Everyone else says how delightful they are. And when they are happy they are great (they are both very bright).
I must just be shit? I feel tired to my soul.

It’s not you, honestly, I had a very similar rueful sort of conversation with a mum at a NT property the other week! It’s just exhausting and you’re right, they don’t listen to us (mums!) - but they do for everyone else so we must be getting something right!

It's so embarrassing. Twice this week ove literally had to wrestle them out of places.

It's just 4 and 2 year olds. Sorry you're having such a tough time, please don't be hard on yourself.

The two year old I get, but if my (almost) 4 year old was constantly running off and throwing more than a very very occasional tantrum I'd be pretty cross with him. Mind you DNs 7 & 4 are like this, maybe two or more and they escalate each other

My just turned 2 year old sounds very similar to yours! She winds my almost 4 year old DS up a treat. It’s bloody knackering and you have all my sympathy. I think it’s just 2 and 4 year olds? I hope so anyway!

I used to come down like a ton of bricks, act like a dick, you're back in the car and we go home. 2 and 4 is hard, I've got twins and at least last the baby stage they mostly want the same things.

Sorry, it's normal, I'm sure you are a brilliant parent. It will pass

I have a 5 and a 3 year old and they fight all. The. Time. They won't get dressed, they won't get shoes on, they won't so much as look at a vegetable. they won't get in the bath, they won't get out of the bath. I am constantly frazzled.

Unfortunately it’s normal, DS is 4.5 now and days out have suddenly turned a corner, we mostly have a good day now rather than a battle and tantrum at every turn.

This is reassuring, thank you. Always feel like it's just me!

This worries me about our second being due soon. 2 year old DS is such a dream on a day out and it's definitely going to change.

My 2 year old is just like yours, getting dressed is a battle, and then she won't stay dressed, teeth brushing battle of crying and screaming twice a day every day, she never does what she's told unless she wants to, will just pretend she hasn't heard us and ignore. Sunday we went to a fun (ha) farm and ended up carrying her out kicking and screaming, then she wouldn't get in the car seat, then she kept getting her arms out of the straps whilst we were driving despite them being as tight as they could safely be. I feel your pain! Every outing starts off nicely then ends in some sort of drama. I'm hoping its just the age but she doesn't behave like that at nursery (I've asked).

You are living my life! Don’t worry it will pass, it did with my older kids, at least that is what I tell myself with every tantrum…

Toddlers are arseholes. People keep on assuring me it gets better at 5. That makes me even more depressed. My kids are also 2 and almost 4.

Welcome to parenthood. Those cute little mini mes are designed to tire you out, make you feel like shit, break you financially and question your worth.

Its all a phase and you will soon be going into another nightmare phase...until one day you realise you aren't as tired or as bad a human being as you thought . However you will always be broke (sorry).

There's a reason others say you need some time to yourself. Find that time

One day, these will be funny stories to reassure some other harassed mother of very small lively children.

You're doing great.

I dragged a tantrumming 4 year old out of marks and Spencer by the ankle once. The struggle is real.

The younger one may benefit from a preparing to go home conversation. Not "two more minutes and then we leave" but more; what have you enjoyed doing since you've been here? I loved watching you do ABC - it looked fun. We could do that next time we come back. What sort of things shall we do at home? I'm sorry you're sad. It's sad when we have to end things. I get sad when I leave too. Did you want to say goodbye?" It can be very brief but it means it gives their little minds an idea of getting ready, enjoy and saying good bye. Bit like a story - there's a start, middle and end.

Well, I get from your post that you are a great mum.

There is singing, trips out, teeth cleaning...all good in the hood!

Definitely gets better. You got this x

Couldn't agree more!!!!! Parenting young children is hard.

I have a 3yo who is exactly the same, there is an Oscar in her future I swear - very dramatic!

Thank you for posting this, OP. It does make others (me!) who experience similar daily battles feel that much better.

Honestly, it’s so tiring. DH works full time, 6 days per week doing a very physical job but most days I look at him when he gets home and I think to myself ‘I MUST be more tired than you!’.

Following certain tantrums and situations I also make myself feel like crap and over think how I dealt with it and go over it wondering whether I should have gone around it a different way… but you know what? We are only human. We only have a certain amount of energy and patience. Toddlers can be very testing but the fact that you are worried means you are great. Worrying means you care and care is what your babies need. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job. Make sure you try to find a little time for yourself, too x

You sound great. Coffee and cake is lovely but that involves, you know, sitting still and behaving so it’s basically a nightmare with small kids - they might like the cake for the .3 of a minute it takes to eat some but most little ones don’t consider that a treat, a robin is clearly going to be a bigger draw.

I don’t know if it does get better tbh. You’ve pretty much described any activity with mine, and they are 9 and 12 😩
Admittedly the youngest has adhd and probably pda/autism, and the oldest is just a miserable tween now but did improve a little between ages 6 and 10, I guess.
Taking them out individually works far better for us, or if both DH and I are there, divide and conquer!
I often wonder why I bother with nice activities. Solidarity op.

Yes. Also 2 and 4. Hell on earth at the moment. They had me in tears this afternoon!

My 3.5yo is also Oscar worthy on the dramatics and whinging. Every single time we go anywhere eg NT or other I wonder why I bother. And yet, I do again! #makingmemories 🤣