Sick and tired of being discriminated for being a girl

[Freshmind001]

long post, apologies

My parents recently brought a double studio apartment in our home country + a second apartment which is attached to the first but much smaller. When my parents said we got them for the children (we are 3 siblings) I thought they meant as in divided it literally in 3 spaces for 3 of us (boy + 2 girls). Turns out the biggest one is for my brother & his wife & the separate smaller one is for me & my sister to share.

I didn't see anything wrong at first, until I found out that they had also put 2 other lands in my brothers name only + the house we have in the UK will be put under his name also.

Me & my family are quite close and it's not that I don't want to see my siblings thrive but I feel like my parents have done a massive injustice to me & my sister just because we are girls & we are married (the idea our husband supports us).

Me & my sister are independent women who have good stable jobs and a husband is just a +.

I can't help but fume over how disgusting my culture is towards women and the way men are treated so superior to women.

I don't care about the land or material stuff, it's the principle behind it for me. I have daughters and I can't imagine doing that to them. My mum thinks I'm argumentative and unreasonable.

I could blow your mind with the sexism and discrimination against women in my culture, it's WRONG! Growing up we were taught to always seat the man first (guests) and hand drinks + food to the men first and men are the head of the household and we feed them and clean after them. Since I have got older and had girls myself, I have finally opened my eyes to what a ton of bullshit that is!

Have you expressed this view to your parents? If not, you should.

I have but I get shut down and told to stop 'stressing them out'.

I feel your pain. Could you start to educate them or are they a lost cause?

They just fob me off with 'it's all of ours' when I start making sense to them but truth is on paper, it's a massive injustice. Makes me feel like they view women as weak links!

They can only shut you down if you stop talking. Just saying. As a first gen immigrant myself, my nuclear family is fab, but my extended family has some pretty regressive ideas on pretty much every topic and I can and will do battle.

If you think it’s a battle worth fighting, then fight it.

I can hear your frustration 💐 it's really shit, I'd be fuming! I don't think you'll ever change their minds though it's too ingrained. What does your DB think? Xx

What is their opinion of women based on ?

Has your DB pointed out how ludicrously unfair your parents are being?

Horrible and you're entirely reasonable pulling them up on this. What's the purpose of those two apartments anyway, to visit family in your country of origin? Hope you won't be accepting and/or using such an insulting "gift." If this means you end up not going back there, we'll they've shot themselves in the foot haven't they?

No your right, their minds can't be changed! They think I'm wrong. My whole family think this way. Growing up they use to see me as the problem child because of how outspoken I am. I respect my parents but when can I draw the line when they clearly believe I am made to do 'women duties' whatever the heck that means.

old and traditional view points that women depend on men because men are the head of the household. I work just as much as my DH and I still take on 90% of chores, meal and looking after kids & my mum will still be like 'Iron his shirt for him' or make the girls get up and clean the dishes, like no mam sorry!

I'd be suggesting that daughters need more protecting than sons surely? That breakups happen and if, heaven forbid, women end up homeless and without family, the streets are a scarier place for them than for men. I'd question their logic in giving men more money when their earning potential is higher and they will never have gaps in their cv due to pregnancy.

I'd go straight to my dad and ask does he not feel emasculated that he hasnt provided for his daughters and instead, gives more and more to his son. Go for the jugular.

To have somewhere to stay near the beach when we holiday there.

I work just as much as my DH and I still take on 90% of chores, meal and looking after kids

Why? You’re an adult with agency. Why are you choosing to live like this?

This is so spot on and exactly what I expressed but that apparently made me unreasonable and problematic. My mums response to me was why don't you give half of your house to us then (the family). That just made me feel even me excluded.

This is one of those big arguments in my house with my DH because he sees what my family are like and how men are treated and has the audacity to question why I'm not the same. Unfortunately it's created a massive distance between us and it's exactly why I said to my mum what if I end up alone anyway. In their little calculated logic, where would it put me!

That doesn’t really answer my question, though. He can think what he likes. Why are you accepting it?

So your DH is as bad, he wants the patriarchy as it would suit him, never mind respect for you.

@IMissVino I can't just up and leave. Although he's quite behind on his mentality and agree we need working. We do have kids and finances and do love him for all the goodness he does have. We are high school sweethearts. That's not to say I haven't though about leaving when I've become so overwhelmed but I need to think logically before making big decisions like that.

Unfortunately fighting solo for my rights atm. This is not a post necessarily for my DH wrong doing but more at the gender inequality in my family and culture. People could say I need to leave my family and my DH but life just doesn't work that way sometimes so smoothly.

Can you ask him to explain, without using the terms man and woman why you should do more chores than he does? If he says 'you are better at x' then counter with 'sounds as if you need more practice then.

Your parents sound unfair and biased. Will your brother and wife be expected to care for them when they are older? I think you can't change your whole culture, just your response to it.

Your options aren’t just ‘accept it’ or ‘up and leave’.

This is your husband, the man you’ve chosen to spend your life with. You say you love him, but dies he love you? You’re telling me that you cannot have a conversation and ask him why? he thinks that domestic labour is your job, not his? Why he thinks you’re less important than him? An actual conversation. Ask him why.

Also, stop being the general dogsbody and tell him why. He doesn’t want to do laundry? He has no clean clothes. He doesn’t want to cook or food shop? He has no food. You are perpetuating the cycle of misogyny and catering to men. Unless this is what you want for your children, stop it now. Stand up for yourself.

People could say I need to leave my family and my DH but life just doesn't work that way sometimes so smoothly.

I haven’t seen a single person suggest that. People have said to stop accepting it and push back. Again, you seem to think that your options are either acceptance or flouncing. This simply isn’t the case.

Oh and agree with @IMissVino he is old enough to wash his own clothes. I have nearly got all of mine taking responsibility for their own clothes, plus meals, have a set day when he takes the responsibility for cooking. Find a hobby maybe which takes you out of the house so he has to take charge.

I have done that exact thing. Whenever he's given me an excuse of 'oh I don't know know' or 'you know better'. I usually respond with I didn't know either until I learned so you can learn also. He thinks me watching handsmaid tale has changed me 😂 I just can't. I do think his upbringing with his mum doing everything for him, he thought he would get the same treatment. However, I do enjoy cooking and I can't stand sloppy cleaning so that's why I do majority but it's the looking after kids, that needs handling!

I agree, I have made these comments to my mum also. Will they also be taking care of you when your old ? I genuinely don't think there is hope in changing them.