Sick and tired of being discriminated for being a girl

[Freshmind001]

long post, apologies

My parents recently brought a double studio apartment in our home country + a second apartment which is attached to the first but much smaller. When my parents said we got them for the children (we are 3 siblings) I thought they meant as in divided it literally in 3 spaces for 3 of us (boy + 2 girls). Turns out the biggest one is for my brother & his wife & the separate smaller one is for me & my sister to share.

I didn't see anything wrong at first, until I found out that they had also put 2 other lands in my brothers name only + the house we have in the UK will be put under his name also.

Me & my family are quite close and it's not that I don't want to see my siblings thrive but I feel like my parents have done a massive injustice to me & my sister just because we are girls & we are married (the idea our husband supports us).

Me & my sister are independent women who have good stable jobs and a husband is just a +.

I can't help but fume over how disgusting my culture is towards women and the way men are treated so superior to women.

I don't care about the land or material stuff, it's the principle behind it for me. I have daughters and I can't imagine doing that to them. My mum thinks I'm argumentative and unreasonable.

I could blow your mind with the sexism and discrimination against women in my culture, it's WRONG! Growing up we were taught to always seat the man first (guests) and hand drinks + food to the men first and men are the head of the household and we feed them and clean after them. Since I have got older and had girls myself, I have finally opened my eyes to what a ton of bullshit that is!

I do enjoy cooking and I can't stand sloppy cleaning

Well you have to care a little less or find things that don't affect you. Even getting up every Saturday and going for a run (to the local cafe) so he is left with the children will help you feel as if you are redressing the balance a little.

@IMissVino I do agree, and we have had those conversations. I feel blessed and cursed at the same time. Blessed that I am finally in a better financial position but cursed because of my upbringing. I am not suggesting anyone here is telling me to leave but at the same time, I know a lot of people I'm sure will think I'm a doormat and why do I choose to stay in a marriage like this. I was young when we met and I got pregnant out of wedlock with him so I was indirectly pressured to stay out and I guess the years just flew by. I do think sometimes, if I could go back I would of done things very differently.

This is something I have already started putting into practice. He complains but I don't entertain it anymore because if I don't get a second to breath, I will completely breakdown as a person. I get he doesn't feel confident and thinks I do a better job but I do agree he also needs to build his own routine and confidence with the kids.

You can’t control what they do with their money. You can call out sexist actions, especially in front of the children. It doesn’t win me many friends within even within my very western family, but when it the egregious sexist requests get called out for what they are and refused. I’ve also been known to chastise husbands for not getting up and helping their wives with the kids. The extended family don’t adore me, but you know who does, my kick-ass teenage daughter. That is all that really matters. Knowing that she will know what it means to demand equality.

You don’t need to go back, you can do things differently now.

You can stand up for yourself now. You say you’ve had those conversations. Great, what has his response been? Because unless he’s responded and there’s been an actual exchange of thoughts and feelings culminating in a mutually acceptable solution, you haven’t had a conversation.

You can stop being a skivvy now. We’re all saying to stop being this man’s maid and you’re coming back with ‘I enjoy cooking and I can’t stand sloppy cleaning’. At a certain point, the doormat stance becomes self inflicted.

I love this! However, in a culture like mine it goes back generations so it's hard to get them to see my view point when they are so used to following these traditions they think are right. It's true, I can't control what they do with their money but come on in what world is it right to single your kids out based on genders. It really gets to me. My DB complains about my parents a lot but he doesn't realise just how good he has it and could never understand my perspective as a woman.

What is your culture?

Yeah - when relatives visited my grandparents the sons families got the better, air-conditioned rooms. They wish for sons to be born to carry on the family name blah blah blah. Fortunately they didn’t have the 1 child policy where I’m from - but if they did, you can guess what would have happened…

I think you just have to detach yourself from the situation - otherwise you’ll just get more angry and they will also be unhappy with you. Arguing with them won’t change their mind.

the culture is horrible but My parents were actually much better than most and at least I got the same education as my brothers - perhaps slightly better as my mum had more time to invest in me. With material things they are fair to us - it’s just minor comments that are jarring. But now they appreciate me visiting them more often than my brothers - they have actually said that it’s better to have girls - which was nice to hear.

How often do you visit your parents?
Are you able to access your husband parents more easily?
How close are you to your mum?
I'm just wondering if it would help them understand if you said that being the man ,you had better go with your DH parents more see them less etc.

This would rile me also esp as unfortunately so many mum's go soppy over sons.
No matter how awful they are!

Btw @Freshmind001 my culture is western but I had an older DM from a reasonably libral normal background. However, divorce was still massively looked down upon and stuff like that.
In one generation, along with the queen really that's all changed. I'm watching the crown and how marrying a divorcee was a massive issues as well as being divorced.
My dm felt terribly ashamed when dsis was divorced but soonall the cousins seemed to be doing it!
So change can and does happen