Friend made awful joke about AIDS

[Wearpantsffs]

Am in the Drs surgery and bump into a friend who is there with her 17 year old.
Me: hi how are you, all ok?
17 year old: I’ve got AIDS
friend: yes, 17 year old has AIDS
Me: ???????

loads of people in the queue hear this. I am mortified

Neither of them have HIV or AIDS. This was a joke, apparently, and I am uptight because I am embarrassed.

This is a good friend of mine but she has all of these views/quirks that are just not compatible with my values. I don’t want to be her moral compass! What should I do?

Wouldn't be a friend of mine. But then a good friend of mine died of AIDS in the early 90s so your "friend" would have got a smack in the mouth for being a cunt for good measure.

That's disgusting. I have a school friend who is HIV positive and it's not a fucking joke, believe me.

I looked after people with AIDS for 20 years and I would have to be held back, tbh.

You shouldn't ask someone in the doctors' office how they are

The irony is that a person in my life that they have met several times lives with HIV.

A friend of mine was a medic working at the height of the AIDs pandemic in flower farms. 2,000 funerals a day at peak, a generation of parents gone and babies and children left to fend for themselves.

I wouldn't speak to someone who thinks that's something to joke about ever again, and I would make sure they knew why.

And you should hope they try to make a thing of you being 'uptight,' because the more they try to turn this back on you, the more people are going to realise what a failure of a human being and a parent they are.

Read Lenny Bruce about jokes about cancer.

You definitely shouldn’t ask someone how they are in the doctor’s surgery. That’s very rude.

Was it a sarcastic way to shut you up for being so nosy? (In their eyes.)

Yes this is what I wondered

It was more of a social ‘hi how are you’ than an enquiring one, if you see what I mean. So no, I don’t think they were offended, they just have a very off the wall sense of humour.

Sounds like they say things to try to get a shocked/embarrassed reaction.

If it were me I'd respond along the lines of "oh dear, HIV used to be a death sentence for many in the past however nowadays can be effectively treated to the point it doesn't progress to AIDS: I've learnt this from friends who have it. Would you like any support?

I'd assume it was an embarrassed attempt to avoid telling you whatever the real reason for being there was.

Me too. It sounds like they were being sarcastic.

It's a bit weird to ask someone at the doctor's how they are. Ill presumably.

What a vile thing to say and I must say I would be questioning my friendship with them.

I wonder though did they feel put in a spot. Maybe they were seeing the Doctor about an unexpected pregnancy, std etc and felt like a deer in the highlights when you asked how they are. Otherwise they are vile people

I couldn't lose friends over one inappropriate/strange joke - it's like LTB all over again! I'd just be like 'oh.....' so they knew I didn't get it/thought it was weird and move on.

Not in great taste, but they were telling you to mind your own business.

I agree you shouldn’t have asked how people are in the doctors. I think this was just a 17 year olds way of answering a rude question by trying to deflect. You were both in the wrong here.

For most people in the UK being diagnosed as HIV a positive is thankfully very different experience to in the 1980s and I’m wonder how ignorant they are of what their joke means - although there has been lots in the media about HIV/AIDS recently.

Sorry just re-read and realised your friend said it too. I think your question must have come across and intrusive.

Me too, I assumed they were there for something personal for the 17 year old.

Still in extremely bad taste though.

They’d be an ex friend of mine with an arsey attitude like that, pretending they had a serious illness of any kind.

Seems they were suffering from being a complete dick?
I’d also never dream of asking what someone was in a surgery for.
Plain bad manners.

I get the impression sometimes from MN that people are always "reassessing" their friendships, dropping friends, etc. I find it strange tbh. My friends are my friends, one bad joke wouldn't end things between us.

It sounds like the 17 year old gave a classic 17 year old answer. Teenagers make jokes about all kind of bad taste things. I doubt they actually think AIDS is a laughing matter, sounds like they were being sarcastic?

A social greeting is hi. How are you'll, OK? is specific and intrusive.