How on earth can I go back to work?

[DarlingBudsofMay1]

I am a freelancer. I do a highly skilled but unfortunately low paid job in the field of linguistics (partly because I work for clients in a poor country, partly because there are many amateurs who pose as professionals and drive down rates across the industry).
I had a baby 4 months ago, and receive maternity allowance from the government until March. I would quite like to work part time once my mat pay ends, but I'm just not sure how I can possibly make this work. We depend on my husband's salary - mine is just extra to pay for things like the food shopping.

My work is very sporadic: sometimes I receive tonnes of work, other times nothing at all for weeks. This means I could book childcare and end up with no work to do to make it pay off. Let's say I arrange for a childminder 2 hours a day on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Well it could be that that week I receive projects on Thursday and Friday. And even if I do have work to do, as it's not very well paid I would be working for a pittance after childcare fees. I don't have any relatives nearby to help. I don't have any "retainer" type projects to fall back on if I don't have work. Without a baby, it was an ideal job because I just took whatever projects I wanted whenever they came up. But organising this particular job around childcare just seems impossible. She's also the type of baby who needs constant reassurance and entertaining. If I so much as turn my back to her she starts crying. So I can't simply put her in a playpen to amuse herself while I work.
I'm starting to think I should just give up on the idea and be a stay at home mum. I wouldn't mind terribly, it's just that this bit of extra money is very very useful, and I do really enjoy my job.

Please tell me if you can think of any obvious solutions that I'm not seeing.

Wow that's great. I think the OP would be well advised to do a little more looking into this specific crèche before relying on it to work though.

I used a gym when my youngest was 2 - the crèche was actually very nice, though just one room and more like a drop off playgroup than a nursery. He didn't sleep well at all and although I usually used the machines I sometimes I used the relaxation room for a nap instead of working out 😳.

However the crèche was often closed or if there were certain classes on it would be full (they only had capacity for five children I think and a rule which didn't impact me about how many of those were actual babies, maybe only one or two...), or I was told that I could leave him for an hour but they would then be closing due to staffing, and they also sometimes called me on the tanoy to fetch him. I'm sure it depends on the specific gym and exactly what they have in place.

I worked three evenings when my children were little though. Sometimes you can't have everything- two working parents means you either pay (jointly) for childcare or you lose "family" or couple time.

London has parent workspaces with creches, though perhaps there aren't so many since the pandemic. Worth checking in your area, though I imagine only city centres would have them. Community centres sometimes have ad hoc creches. Or used to.

You should try a different career, if it’s not paying now when she’s a baby how will you afford a teenager?

Really? Can you name some for me? Thanks xx

www.baby-magazine.co.uk/londons-flexible-working-hubs/ a lot are pop ups available once a week.

Are you sure that the crèche at the gym takes babies as young as 4 months ? I would think that the child-adult ratios would need to be a lot higher with very young children .

I used a gym crèche for ad hoc childcare whilst I worked. It worked really well for me; it was flexible and fairly cheap. Most importantly for me, though, it meant that I did not have to commit to a regular nursery slot. When I didn’t have work on, I could spend as much time with my DC as I wanted. It definitely can be done.

do you have any relatives who would help even if they are not nearby?

I had adhoc freelance work when mine were very young. I would agree the job (usually 2-3 days work) then arrange the childcare, which in our case was usually either my mum or MIL. They don't live nearby so this would be arranging for them to visit for 3 days.

Though in my case this freelance work was a good day rate. Maybe it is worth seeing if you can get a higher rate for your skills somehow, in a related job?

Get up early and do a couple of hours before she wakes; work in the venings (when she's asleep or DH can take care). No child care expenses.

I wonder what sort of baby the OP has. This advice would have really got me worked up when my children were babies as all of them woke for the day bright as buttons at around 5:30am (and although two were otherwise"good" sleepers, one took hours to fall asleep in the evening and woke regularly throughout the night well into toddlerhood) - inadvertently being advised to get up at 3:30am really puts a sleep deprived person in a bad mood 🤣😳

Get up early and do a couple of hours before she wakes; work in the venings

If you say 2 hours is enough time surely you can find that amount of time in the evenings or weekends? Especially if adhoc as it means you will have free time with your DH.

OP is it David Lloyd? If so they won't care less what you're doing as long as you're in the building.

Hmm. This is going to take a number of adjustments.

I would also work on her, that need for constant reassurance and entertainment. My 2 admittedly weren't like that at all, I pottered around went and cooked etc and they played happily or watched tv. It would've driven me nutty if they'd been otherwise. But I do know from Mumsnet threads of people that did have it, that very very gradually you can withdraw more and more, very slowly, and not be tempted to rush back to her immediately when she does cry. And it's like a gradual withdrawal method. Not dissimilar to sleep training. You could start that?

If you aren’t prepared to work over evenings / weekends, then I would look for a different job.

put bluntly, you aren’t the first and won’t be the last parent to realise their career choice only works if they don’t have dcs or have another parent /grandparent who is available at all times to cover childcare.

Look for something else for the next few years, eg bilingual PA, teaching - that has set hours. Once your dc is at school, you could take on more flexible work within school hours.

I’d do a combination of

• work while she naps during the day
• work when DH is home
• paying someone eg retired person, teen or SAHP to care for her I’d try and line up at least 2 people so that at least 1 is available when you need them

Given what you say about DD not being able to assume herself and crying if you just leave her to her own devices, I have doubts that the gym crèche would be successful. If she cries constantly they might come and get you. It might work when she is older though

Also does your DH have any flexibility in his work? Could he wfh some days and care for her during his lunch break while you work? You could also use what was his commute time to get some hours in

Work when the baby naps and then finish off in the evening if you can get a lot done in 2 hours??

baby will nap for 2 hours most lunch times?

I’m freelance and I work weekends to make childcare work. It’s not what I want to do, but it’s my only choice.

I agree. Either compromise with your current work or find a new job. You can’t have it both ways.

Ok providing some perspective on the weekend and evening thing- when our kids were tiny (we are in the US so minimal mat leave) we decided we didn’t want our kids in childcare for crazy hours. So I work till 3/4 on 3-4 days and have done for over a decade now (and DH does the same 1-2 days a week) and we spent till 7 pm with our kids. In return we both work evenings and weekend evenings. For context I am an academic and DH is a physician and an academic and works both as a primary care doctor and in academia.
So our choice was: we wanted to have careers. We wanted to spend as much time as we could within that with our kids.
So yes we have sacrificed our evenings and yes it’s hard but it’s worked very well so far. And our marriage is absolutely fine because we both prioritise the same things.

We still manage to watch a bit of Netflix together every so often and have dinner every day. And we almost always work at least 2 hours each evening. So kids to bed and housework together is 7-8. Dinner is 8-8:30. Work from 9-11. And then we might watch and episode of something before going to sleep (not great sleep hygiene) and we’re up between 6-7, sometimes later on weekends.

So if you want a career that’s flexible, time with your child, and your husband AND personal time, something has to give a little.

I found mine had a proper nap
around lunch time from about 12.30 to 2 when they were between about 10 months and 2 years old. If your baby is a routine baby then you could use this time to do half your work and then finish the rest in the evening.

I've been trying to get her to take a long nap at lunchtime for weeks and she just won't :/ she naps for about 40 minutes at a time during the day, very rarely more. She sleeps well at night but wakes at about 5.30am so I don't think I can get up 2 hours before her to work!

The thing is, I know I am indeed being precious about evenings and weekends, but I'm kind ok with that. I really do like my job, but not enough to sacrifice my family life and my marriage. If it was between working whenever my DH was free to look after the baby, or not working at all and having less money, I think I'd actually rather not work at all. As much as I do enjoy my job, I don't enjoy it that much.

I realise I am in a very privileged position in that we can technically survive without my salary. It's just a very very nice addition.

Upon closer inspection, the gym creche idea isn't as great as I thought. Turns out they offer 2 free hours of creche a week, not 4 a day! And the cost of it is as much as a nursery, plus the gym membership, so it wouldn't pay off.

I think you're all right. My only option is to either get a more stable job, or somehow find some very flexible childcare (mother's help/young retired or someone like that).

(Or not work at all).

Hi op I know what you mean. I did temping not always steady work. My friend did office on Sat had mid week with her kids. Worked well. A blinds company. But hers older in school. Partner minded them Sat

I really do like my job, but not enough to sacrifice my family life and my marriage.

That's a tad over dramatic.
It is perfectly normal to take turns to do something when you are half of a couple with a baby or small dc..... that could be a hobby or exercise or whatever. Life shifts a bit when you become a parent.

You've already said that you might not have any work some weeks. It's not like you are signing up to do 5 night shifts a week. You are talking about doing some work sometimes. If that "sacrifices your marriage" then I would be concerned about your marriage.