Feeling awful - job rejection and no purpose in life

[Strugglingsomuch]

I just don’t know what to do. My life feels so worthless.

I’ve got a reasonable job. It pays decent enough money and offers some flexibility in working. I should be grateful. But it’s so boring and really stressful. There’s nothing I enjoy about it and I’m not even that good at it. I don’t particularly like my colleagues. I’m also stressed out by this awful qualification I’m working on as part of it that was terribly mis-sold, isn’t really adding value to my role or CV and just makes me dread each day.

I applied for a new role. More money, more opportunities, more interesting, finally an out, a chance for a real change. Well I failed at the interview stage. Realistically I should have known I would but I was stupid enough to believe I might have a glimmer of a chance. My world feels like it’s crashed down around my ears.

On top of this, everything just feels so grey. I have no hobbies or social life to speak of because I don’t really enjoy anything. My daughter is 5 and hard work. Her behaviour isn’t great so mothering is a struggle. I don’t have the inclination to be loving with my husband. I feel worthless and fed up.

My husband said to try and find some worth or purpose outside of work for now. But I just can’t see what or how. I’m mentally exhausted from just coping with even being at work each day and since I don’t enjoy anything and don’t really have any particular talents, what on earth can I do?

Stop the qualification now. There is no point studying for something that isnt adding value in any way. I started teacher training about a decade ago. Dreadfully oversold - the uni part was a disaster (them not the students); the placements (post 16) were unable to mentor etc etc. The academic part was all reflective. Just not right for me. The only way I found that out was giving it a good go and then saying no. Yes I paid for my 1st year, yes I spent time, yes it was stressful. I dont regret my decision at all.

I continue to study though on non-qual courses and gain knowledge that helps in my hobbies. So studying doesnt have to be for career. But in your case it sounds a terrible burden.

Unfortunately, I asked to do this but work has refused to allow me on the grounds its been paid for and I'm past a certain point in it.

Could you forget about changing jobs for now and think of anything you like to do non work wise. A trip to the cinema each week, read a good book before bed, if you have a friend see if they want to meet up, do you like to exercise etc, etc?

I think you need to work on your relationships with DD and DH. They are your world. Work is just a means to an end for 99% of the population.

Do some regular things as a family... a walk in the park, cinema, museums or a lunch at a burger joint- whatever you enjoy most. I bet DD's behaviour will improve if you have more qualiy time.

You applied for a job. And your application was good enough to be offered an interview. I bet a lot of applicants didn’t get that far. That is something you need to be positive about and take forward to your next application , clearly you have skills and experience that employers are interested in.

Think about how you interviewed, if you really crashed out then that is what you need to focus on, it’s hard if you haven’t done an interview for a while but interview skills are something you can improve

If your interview was good then accept that someone else on the day did something better than you. Next time , or the time after that , will be your time

think you need to work on your relationships with DD and DH. They are your world. Work is just a means to an end for 99% of the population

Do some regular things as a family... a walk in the park, cinema, museums or a lunch at a burger joint- whatever you enjoy most. I bet DD's behaviour will improve if you have more qualiy time
Excellent advice.

OP, you sound like you might be depressed (feelings of flatness, nothing enjoyable anymore). On top of the other good suggestions by previous posters it might be worth seeing your GP and trying to access some counselling/therapy . Some good therapy may help you to rediscover your sense of purpose and meaning.

You sound very much as if you are suffering with depression to me. The lack of energy, the feeling that everything is grey and hopeless, inability to enjoy things you used to enjoy... All classic.

Please go and see your GP for a discussion and consider trialling medication and/or CBT.

I think you need to work on your relationships with DD and DH. They are your world.

I agree with the first half but not the second part of this. I don't it's a healthy thing for anyone to have no life outside the immediate family

I appreciate that people are taking the time to reply so much. I want to try and acknowledge everyone.

@PottyDottyDotPot I do need to change jobs quite desperately. But yes finding something else outside of it is what I need to do. I don't really like cinema or have anyone I can go out with. I love reading, I finished a psychological thriller at 2:30 this morning because I couldn't sleep! I'd like to exercise and used to but there's nothing I enjoy or am very good at just now. I tried ice skating last night to try cheer myself up a bit. I didn't fall but bloody hell I ached - after about 10 minutes!!

@Ylvamoon Oh you are so right. We do try to do something every weekend I think. I guess we will now with all the Christmas stuff starting. Perhaps I can focus on it. I know I've been a crap mum to her, not as patient and positive as I ought to be.

@viques Yes I'm trying to do that. They said there was a higher scoring candidates no other feedback so far. It's sure hard not to fall into feeling like "well there'll always be a higher scoring candidate" though!

@astronewt @shivermetimbers77 I'm worried you might be right. Can you get help like that in the NHS? Is it a long wait? I've got BUPA and I think work has a employee help service, I might try them.

@CovertImage I see what you mean by that. It can be very claustrophobic just being tied to the house/family all the time.

I know it's hard at the minute, but getting to interview is 90% of the battle. You've got a CV that gets you there, so you just need to work on interview techniques.

Your DH sounds like a wise and kind man - can you try and find more joy is spending time together?

Maybe try St Johns Wort if you're not on the pill.I've taken it a few times when I have feelings of helplessness like during part of lockdown and for me, it really helped to lightly lift my mood.

@rookiemere He is he is he is. He's so lovely and I can see it but I'm struggling to be the lovely and upbeat person I was when we met because everything is so hard. It's difficult to have the quality time with having our daughter. She doesn't sleep particularly early so it doesn't really give us the evenings and then weekends revolve around keeping her occupied. I don't think we get to be a couple much, its quite sad really.

I haven't heard of that St Johns Wort, is it like a herbal remedy? I'm not on the pill, but I do have the implant, I'll have a look.

Don't pin your success and happiness on getting a new job. You are extremely unlikely to get the first thing you go for, a career coach on IG recently said 1 in 10 is good odds!

Agree with others you sound depressed. I'd really think about things you can do to help your mental health and well-being eg

Crochet/knitting
Reading
Art
Music
Dance
Yoga
Meditation
Exercise - movement based like a daily walk outside

I also volunteer as a school governor and get involved in high school careers events. Believe in yourself and that you have worthwhile skills to offer others. Do not be solely defined by your 9-5.

I'm sorry OP, I've been there and it's crap. It's so hard to be stuck in a job you despise - I know some people can just get on with it, but I found it soul destroying. That awful Sunday night dread, and the feeling that you spend so much of your day there and you hate it. So draining.

In terms of the qualification, are you liable to pay back the fees or anything if you leave? Maybe look into this. Or you could go a bit rogue and not bother doing the coursework for it. If you know you won't use it in the future, just fail the modules...although some people may not be comfortable doing that. But if you are then just give up on, especially if it's causing you so much stress. Not the end of the world if you fail.

As a pp said, you got an interview which is positive. Maybe keep looking for new roles and in the mean time do something for yourself that keeps you going.

@Strugglingsomuch yes St Johns Wort is over the counter herbal remedy for mild depression type symptoms- not addictive either, I know when I'm ready to stop taking it.

I'd keep applying for new tiles, even ones you aren't sure about. The first few times I was rejected for a role I felt awful. These days, it's happened so many times I just say thanks and move on with my day without giving it a second thought (I've also been offered jobs in between the rejections!). At worst, you'll be offered a job you don't want and can say no. It's all good practice and helps you realise you don't need to take it personally.

@yoshiblue Thank you. It's very hard not to pin it on getting the new role because so much of the feeling now seems to stem from that but I take the point. Thank you for the suggestions. I've had a look at the local authority governors vacancies and there's only primary available now which I don't think I'd enjoy as much as secondary so I'll see what comes up.

@Farmageddon I did go rogue for a while 😈 but I just keep getting pressure from my tutor, my boss and the training team. I don't think I'd be liable for the fees. I am looking for other roles, I have two other applications in, though I may withdraw one because in hindsight I only did it out of desperation and I think it might be a career dead end as I can't see where it will lead. I just really wanted this one.

@rookiemere Thank you

@superdupernova I've got a couple of other applications in (they've not closed yet) and a couple I'm mulling over. I have been through this a few times. Sometimes when I've not been feeling too bad and just fancied a change, rejection has not been so hard. I think it's how much I want an out right now that makes it so crushing.

I am in a very similar situation work-wise. If I submit work for my course I will be enrolled, and have to repay the full cost if I leave. BUT that's OK. If that happens, I would repay at my own pace/ability, not in one lump sum. In your case, t🤗hey cannot make you continue the training-dump it, do it now-you will feel like a massive burden has been lifted.

I also wonder if you’re clinically depressed and would advise a call to your gp. It’s hard to tell if you’re just upset you didn’t get the job and have mentallly disengaged from your current one and it’s just circumstantial and momentary, Ie getting a new job and all would be good when you’re doing it. or if you’re unwell and even if you do get s new job you’re problems would follow you Ie you’d hate thst one too

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok I'll see what happens. I'll speak to my Line manager again. I'm not sure if I can take a pause citing mental health and then just not go back to it. I was offered a pause earlier on this year when my dad died but I chose not to take it then.

@Greysanatomyfan I honestly don't know either whether it's the job or if, as you say, I'd get a new one and it turns out I'm just not well and I would still struggle! It feels like its the job but I've never been depressed, I've been low due to my circumstances and it's always come right (eventually) so I don't know if you can tell.

I think that even if you don’t know then don’t do anything drastic like chuck your course and get into debt, because if you’re unwell then you will just get worse if you don’t feel any better, your work is pissed and you owe thousands. It could be you’re just desperate unhappy as you don’t seem to be finding pleasure in anything, which is what your husband is referring to

I understand why you're disappointed about the job, but it's never good to absolutely pin your hopes on a specific new job to get you out of a bad work situation. It takes perseverance and resilience to find a new job sometimes.

It sounds like your work situation is magnifying everything else in your life that's not quite ideal at the moment. I've been there and I know it's not pleasant at all, but I'd try and put efforts into looking for another job as a "hobby" for now. Hopefully things will resolve in other areas of your life when that's sorted.

Be careful of leaving for any old job just to get away, I did that and ended up really annoying everyone by leaving that job really quickly because it was totally unsuitable.