Feeling awful - job rejection and no purpose in life

[Strugglingsomuch]

I just don’t know what to do. My life feels so worthless.

I’ve got a reasonable job. It pays decent enough money and offers some flexibility in working. I should be grateful. But it’s so boring and really stressful. There’s nothing I enjoy about it and I’m not even that good at it. I don’t particularly like my colleagues. I’m also stressed out by this awful qualification I’m working on as part of it that was terribly mis-sold, isn’t really adding value to my role or CV and just makes me dread each day.

I applied for a new role. More money, more opportunities, more interesting, finally an out, a chance for a real change. Well I failed at the interview stage. Realistically I should have known I would but I was stupid enough to believe I might have a glimmer of a chance. My world feels like it’s crashed down around my ears.

On top of this, everything just feels so grey. I have no hobbies or social life to speak of because I don’t really enjoy anything. My daughter is 5 and hard work. Her behaviour isn’t great so mothering is a struggle. I don’t have the inclination to be loving with my husband. I feel worthless and fed up.

My husband said to try and find some worth or purpose outside of work for now. But I just can’t see what or how. I’m mentally exhausted from just coping with even being at work each day and since I don’t enjoy anything and don’t really have any particular talents, what on earth can I do?

@Greysanatomyfan I wouldn't incur anything financial if I stopped the course but of course there would be some reputational risk, which is a worry.

So on top of everything else you've also had a major bereavement this year? No wonder you are struggling OP.

Pausing the useless qualification on a mental health break sounds like a great idea, I'd just cite the bereavement.

I'd try to prioritise your own well being for a bit, whether that be counselling, yoga, healthy eating, find a creative outlet, whatever works for you, and ask for your DH's support in this. Give ice skating another go, my bf (who has suffered from depression) swears by this for boosting her mood and well-being and her body looks so sporty now too.

I'd carry on looking at other roles, you will find something and you are already getting interviews which is very positive. Just keep going! In my opinion the right job is really important because we spend so many of our waking hours at work.

I really feel for you OP and you will come out the other side of this difficult time. It's time to make a few changes, you clearly recognise this and are already on the pathway. Better times are waiting for you.

@Sewwhatmrmagpie I don't think I absolutely pinned my hopes on it until the interview and then I don't know, allowed myself to believe I might have done enough. I need to think carefully about the other roles I've applied for, I don't know if it's that I really don't want them or that they just pale into insignificance when I compare them to this one. I think the latter.

@Blip Yeah, I don't know if they'll accept anything to do with my dad now. I'm very private so other than telling them it happened, I wouldn't share anything else and only took a couple of days out of the office then his funeral day. So I think they think I'm totally fine. I'm trying to prioritise my own well being but I'm also hyper sensitive to what people think. I have uber judgey inlaws which puts me on my guard and I feel like if I started like skating or whatever, they'd just be disparaging and I'd be like "Ok I won't do it anymore then" I'll carry on looking for roles but it's so hard. I can't say too much about what it was but it was a massive opportunity and because I am not based in London, they are like hens teeth, I won't get this chance again.

OP I think you need to feel a lot more entitled.
** You're entitled to stop this pointless qualification.
You're entitled to have a hobby even if your in laws don't think much of it.
You're entitled to prioritise your own health and well-being including mental health.
Don't keep giving your personal power away, it will make you feel depressed powerless and hopeless.

I'd definitely get yourself some counselling support too at this difficult time.

Hey Strugglingsomuch,
sounds like you are having a tough time, and your reaction to all the things going on in your life is actually healthy and normal even if it’s not where you want to be right now. Grief is hard, particularly if it’s someone you felt very close to. Unfortunately it’s not something that is linear.Someone once told me or I read somewhere that it’s a bit like waves, it’ll come and go. People handle it in different ways but I don’t think it’s something you should ignore. I knew someone whose 12 yr old son died and they were fortunate enough to be able to take a year off to fully embrace the grief.
Ultimately I think medication will only provide a short term solution, perhaps bereavement counselling would be something more long term? It also sounds like you need some alone time with your husband/partner to nurture your relationship. Is there a relative that you could get to babysit so you can have some scheduled alone time- one evening a week? Or could you agree between you to pay for childcare so you get that time together?
One simple thing that I find quite helpful, particularly when feeling lonely/low is a walk in the local park and some exposure to nature and daylight. That does a lot to make my day feel better from a mental health perspective.
I hope that you find the help that you need. Please don’t let the worry of how other people see you (you mentioned ultra judgy relatives and work frowning on you giving up the course) stop you from the making the changes you need to. If you can, maybe prioritise which of the things you have mentioned (bereavement, course, relationship, job change and parenting) is affecting you the most and start addressing that first.
In terms of your job change, don’t be discouraged by the rejection or take it too personally.Sometimes it takes a lot of rejection before you get into the job you want, and there is loads of competition for job applications. Is it something where it’s possible to get a wfh position? If so then you won’t be so tied to applying for something in your area. Is it something where you could get volunteer experience to make your application more attractive or go to networking events? Keep chipping away at it!

@Blip Never thought of it that way, I thought to feel entitled would be bad!

@Mipmap I wasn't REALLY close to my dad owing to my parents being divorced and him living the other end of the country but he was still my dad and my daughter's grandad. There's a lot of complicated animosity from my mums side towards him and his family that I won't go into that's not very nice. I don't think I'd like to take any medication.

My mum does have my kid overnight once a week (for work reasons mostly) but I don't think we really use the time well. That's on us to get better at I think.

I need to try do some of the other things you've mentioned here too.

In terms of the job, we have a mostly hybrid model now and a lot of jobs are location agnostic. My current team are spread across 3 cities, I work at home some days and the office some days. This kind of job is kind of different in that it's very difficult to do it without being co-located with the person you work for. I've done a similar role before with me in the north and the boss in London and it was so hard, I ended up leaving because I was pregnant and needing to travel all the time was too much.

I'm rooting for you OP
I want you to be rooting for you even more!