Driving - what helped?

[milkandchocolat]

I feel like I have spent my entire life learning to drive. First time I failed my test at 17 and then my instructor quit so I didn't go back to it. Then learnt again in my 20s and got really panicky on a dual carriageway so gave up. Now in my 30s and desperate to learn. I've been making good progress but still feel anxious pretty much constantly when driving. I really want to pass but feel like I never will and starting to get frustrated. All these people on the roads and none of them seem to struggle, why me? Did anything help of you learnt late/found it disproportionately difficult? This feels like my last chance so really want to get there this time.

Early Sunday morning practice with a friend. Practicing Dual carriageways, roundabouts, three point turns when it was less busy.

And then choosing a quieter test centre. I failed twice in Tooting, then got a cancellation appointment in Reading and sailed through.

A reversing camera makes ALL manoeuvres easier. It literally has little markers showing on the screen showing you where you need to move. No thinking needed. Other than that it's probably just time spent doing it. The more you drive the more normal it feels. I used to be like you for YEARS. I had a license but I was too nervous to drive. Then I had twins and couldn't get on any bloody public transport with the massive double buggy and it was the kick up the arse I needed. Either I drove or I could only go places I could walk to.
Good luck.

I have learned later in life and it has taken me a very long time to get to the point where I am ready to sit the test. I have not been able to drive outside of the lessons and I think this would have helped. The thing that helped me the most was beta blockers. I wish I'd gone and got them sooner. It is almost impossible to learn and build confidence while your heart is racing, you're sweaty and shaking.

It's honestly just practice, little and often. Familiarity helps a lot too so learn your frequent routes off by heart. I'm still a nervous driver. I passed 12 years ago aged 35 and will always be a nervous driver. I accept that. There are still particular roads in my city that I avoid.
Having said that it's so liberating that I can drive. It's extremely useful for dropping off and picking up the children etc. Although I'm nervous I've built up the confidence to do 3 hour drives to holiday destinations etc.

Practice, practice and more practice. Have you got family/friend who could accompany you and go out on the roads at quieter times? If you don't go out between formal lessons with an instructor, it can take a loooong time to build up the confidence/experience needed, especially if you can only have "proper" lessons at busy times when there are lots of cars on the road.

I was an awfully anxious driver for a long time. I didn't appreciate it at the time but my Da used tough love on me and insisted I went out at rush hour. The first few times , I hated it but then I realised that each time had passed without incident. So it became almost bite sized chunks - when I was used to rush hour, I'd challenge myself to go a bit further each time . Each time, I managed

*managed it fine , and I realised I was capable, I pushed myself to city centre driving and then on to dual carriage ways. Practice practice practice.

Sunday mornings are good. I do advanced driving observing (i.e. drivers who've passed their tests and want to move on to the advanced tests). I try to arrange 10am on the Sunday morning as the roads are a lot quieter and the driver can concentrate on road positioning, observation, etc without the roads being busy. We move on to busier roads (i.e. later in the day or early evenings) once the driver has mastered the basics. Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forward.

As with anything that makes you anxious...practice, practice, practice until it becomes second nature. Ask your instructor to guide you through the worst parts, but you do have to admit what they are.

When you eventually pass go out driving at the quieter times so you can gain confidence. Ask a friend to sit with you for the tougher parts. My DD needed to travel to another city for a concert two weeks after passing her test. DH sat with her for a trial run, including working out sat nav (took 3 hours there and back) but it gave her the confidence to drive there by herself the following week. I was so proud of her especially since she had struggled to take lessons due to anxiety.

The right instructor helped me. That was the ticket for DH as well (different instructors in different parts of the country... there's loads of good 'uns out there). He's done all his lessons now and is waiting for a test slot. It was unthinkable a few years ago that I'd ever type that!

I was a bloody nervous wreck. First test my legs shook and he said to quit and go back to test centre was a complete disaster, so you will be better than that, I'm sure.

Practice and more practice.

What helped me most?
Talking the instructor through everything I was doing, why I was doing it and it kept me calm and feeling confident.

Can imagine it did his head in.

Passed that one though. So who knows?

*Meant examiner not instructor

Thank you guys, this has helped! It seems as if practise is the way forward. My dh will happily go out with me but I have been a bit reluctant to apart from very easy routes so I will be brave and go out a bit further this Sunday morning. Someone else mentioned beta blockers - did you just go to the gp and ask for a prescription for driving anxiety?

Have you tried an automatic? I learnt to drive in my mid 30s and was a very anxious learner. I could do the gears and clutch, that wasn't a problem in itself, but I got overwhelmed in busier situations and it all fell apart! Automatic was so much easier, just stop and go, and not having to think about gears etc allowed me to concentrate on the road and other cars etc until I gained more confidence. Lots more cars are automatic now so it's not as restrictive as it was to only have an automatic license.

Yes I went to the GP and said I was suffering from driving anxiety and they were happy to prescribe them. I think it's really common. I've actually just managed to drive without them! So they really did work for me. They allowed me to feel calm enough to improve my abilities which then made driving less stressful as I felt in control.

I was a very very nervous learner and things that helped me:

• Sunday AM lessons
• Lots of practice although I hated it and it made my stomach churn
• realising that nothing bad had happened each time I had gone out

Once I'd passed my test what helped:

• an automatic made a world of difference, instantly so much better
• using a sat nav so I didn't have to worry about getting lost or being in the wrong lane
• looking ahead at tricky junctions on the internet if I was worried
• journey planning, taking the best route for me, not the quickest one
• realising that daft driving test stuff like not touching the kerb in a bay park doesn't matter. People touch the kerb all the time, nothing bad happens when they do.
• realising that people make small mistakes all the time and it makes no difference at all. No one is perfect, most people are still safe

Also didn't pass till I was 30. Husband made a big fuss about me having a manual licence but we have an automatic car! with hindsight I would have done it much quicker in an automatic so don't rule it out.

What helped me was practice practice practice until so many aspects became so familiar they were like muscle memory.

Good calm driving instructor with endless patience

'Driving' the routes on google maps ahead of time is brilliant for knowing which lane You will need for big junctions/ dual carriageways/ at lights which right turns you cross in front of or behind the car doing the opposite right turn etc etc

Good luck it will change your life xxx

Exactly what you said!!!!!!

when on the road I’d say if ALL these people can pass then for sure I can!

m I just repeated that tons of drivers were proper shot and managed to pass so I could do too. Helped my nerves no end 😂😂😂 and I passed first time.

Thank you everyone, I have had lots of useful advice and you have made me feel less alone - sometimes I feel so irrational about this anxiety as no one else seems to feel it. I will go for a drive tomorrow with my dh and will keep you all up to date with my progress!!

Propranolol. That is what helped.

As you say, simply go to the GP and ask for a prescription.

Automatic car. I passed my test in one so can only drive automatic, but that's not a problem, as there are lots of good ones out there.

100% beta blockers and an automatic car. I can't understand why manual cars are a thing tbh!

I started lessons at 17 and failed first test. A close friend died shortly after in an RTA and I was to afraid to get behind the wheel again. Fast forward 30 years and I needed to drive due to my circumstances. I found a really good instructor who gave me confidence. I asked so many questions and was eager to feel safe. Whenever I was a passenger with dh at the time I would pretend I was driving so I became really road aware. I watched endless you tube videos on driving and mock tests and bought the interactive videos to pass your test. I gave myself 3 months from restarting to my test and passed with only one minor. That’s when I really got nervous as I was driving on my own. I forced myself to drive every day and didn’t touch the motorway for a few months. Fast forward to now a few years later I drive all over the country and I’m a real petrol head however I drive within my limits and make a point of being aware of what’s going on around me so that I feel safe and in control. It gets easier the more you do it and it’s so worth it. In some ways it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done as I was so scared of hurting someone and test day it literally is you in your own to do the necessary. Keep the faith and dig in. If I can do it, anyone can.

I learnt in my mid 30s and passed on my 5th test. I really didn't take to it quickly at all! I then became OK on some familiar routes but didn't really push myself much beyond that. I was a perfectly safe driver but didn't enjoy it.

Then for various reasons, I took a job that involved a lot more driving and it's amazing just how much more confident and capable I feel now.

For me, looking back, there are 2 parts to it. The physical driving of the car is one but also the reading of the road. Taking in a lot of signs and the info they're giving you very quickly. Also pre empting what other drivers are going to do (defensive driving), judging speed and distance and basically knowing what's going on around you at all times.

You will get there but practice is key. Also I always check out any new route on Google earth and I probably always will!

To agree with previous posters - automatic car + using Waze on your phone, even where you live so there are no surprises plus it tells you the speed limit.

practise loads. Just start small then do more. Then once you pass the drive every day round the block (if you can afford the petrol). This really helped me.

Failed 5 times and passed at 42 ! You can do it.