Driving - what helped?

[milkandchocolat]

I feel like I have spent my entire life learning to drive. First time I failed my test at 17 and then my instructor quit so I didn't go back to it. Then learnt again in my 20s and got really panicky on a dual carriageway so gave up. Now in my 30s and desperate to learn. I've been making good progress but still feel anxious pretty much constantly when driving. I really want to pass but feel like I never will and starting to get frustrated. All these people on the roads and none of them seem to struggle, why me? Did anything help of you learnt late/found it disproportionately difficult? This feels like my last chance so really want to get there this time.

Apparently it really does get more difficult to learn as you get older. I am late 30s and have my test coming up, I have been having weekly lessons since March. It's only been the last month or so the confidence has clicked. Just keep doing it as often as you can. That is where I struggle - fitting practice in around work and dc.

I'm wonder whether this is the case, or whether there's some self-selection going on here. The DVLA publish pass rates, and it's correct that they get lower with age (i.e. the likelihood of passing a test if you're 35 is lower than if you're 17), but this is probably an artefact - those learning at 35 are those who have not needed to learn/have lower confidence/perceive themselves to have lower aptitude.

The good news is that almost everyone passes after 5 tests (think the rate is 98-99%).

You should know that even if you make a big mistake the instructor is in control and will use the break. They have also seen worse drivers that you.

Tell them about your anxiety on dual carriageways and do a lot more practice elsewhere before leading up to them.

I'm learning to drive in Central London and when I tell my family who live out of London they can't belive it as they are scared to drive around here.

You will get better. I almost quit after lesson 4 because I didnt 'get' it. And now in about tonso my test.

It definitely does, my mum learned in her late 30s, hated doing it and it took her ages to pass. She did but never liked driving so hardly did it and then basically gave up. She hasn't driven for 30 years and never will now. My sister also learned post having kids and it took a long time and she is a very nervous driver and avoids as much as possible.

I learned at 17 and whilst I didn't enjoy lessons I forced myself and I was so glad I did. I don't love driving but Im confident and competent! As others have said, the only way I gained confidence was pure mileage. I drove my family everywhere whilst I was learning.

This thread is helping me too OP I suffer with anxiety in other situations too and it definitely holds you back . I had a go with lessons a few times over the years but the instructor didn’t ever suggest I was ready for a test . Reversing round a corner never clicked with me and I didn’t like driving downhill as felt out of control.
I might have another go but it is my nervousness that is the problem .

If your DH can take you out then do ALL the driving, literally everywhere, every chance you can. Then it will just become second nature. Practice makes a big difference, especially in terms of confidence.

My own opinion is that it’s nothing to do with your capability to drive a car but your failure to pass the driving test is the lack of confidence in yourself.

Have you ever seen a new person on an electronic till? Often they appear very nervous and their concern is of course they are going to make a mistake.

Two weeks later and they are an old jabs at it.

You need to find ways to build up your confidence and then you will pass.

An automatic car and a non-arsehole driving instructor , who gave me confidence instead of being patronising ( 3rd one worked out, first 2 didn’t).

It took me 4 years and 7 failed tests to pass my test at 32. I loathed driving and avoided motorways wherever possible. Then moved to the country where driving became a necessity.

But I only started enjoying driving 15 years later when I accidentally acquired an automatic car. Would never return to gears and love driving now. However, I still walk if it's less than a 2/3 mile journey whereas my partner walks everywhere.

I went for a drive on Sunday with dh for almost an hour. I took your advice and went early so the streets were clear and I didn't feel anxious. I did stick to 30m/h roads but feel like my confidence is increasing so might push myself further next week. We have an automatic car and yes, it certainly makes the actual driving a lot easier!

What helped me was deciding to go automatic. It was a revelation.
It meant i had to get my own car. Originally i was planning to just do this to get me on the road, and then go for manual later on down the line, but so far havent bothered, and dp now has an automatic too. I think they are the future

I passed at 41.It all.just clicked into place eventually and I'm so so glad I did it

A couple of people recommended beta blockers so I phoned the gp to ask their advice about it. They just recommended the free CBT service which has a really long wait. Did you have to convince your gp it would help you?