Cultural & social capital..

[Snoozyschoozy]

Coming up to Christmas the difference between mc children who are provided with social & cultural capital is so obvious.. It has started already on social media & within my circle... The carol services, xmas markets, pantomimes, lunches out, come xmas & half term the ski trips or Caribbean trips will have started... I would love to be able to provide my dc with all these cultural & social advantages (they are advantages) but it's very costly.. I guess my point is that unless all children have access to all I have mentioned all UK society will remain unbalanced.. The kids getting these advantages are learning all the soft skills to fit into mc society comfortably & feel like they belong.. Christmas highlights it for me...

@Vigneau I've had to mow in the first week of December before. I also continue to have roses and other flowers blooming, particularly along one wall, until there is there is a series of hard frosts in January.

Talking about gardening the OP misses that there are lots of pursuits she can get her children to do that plenty of MC people do. One thing the OP needs to do is ensure her children have hobbies.

@RedWingBoots You are right about that.

I never know what MC is because I think class is largely an artificial concept. I am generally anti-social and do not do Ascot, Wimbledon and parties. I get the invites, but I never go. I do not do Mustique, Dubai or the Maldives either. But I could if I wanted. Through a bit or luck and some work I provide a service to wealthy people and there are not many of us who can. So I do rub shoulders with some of these, but as someone upthread pointed out the best places to be are where meritocracy thrives.

That has given me social mobility in container loads. Yet I come home dig the garden, sweep the yard, walk over the hills and sit down around the kitchen table to bowls of pasta and good humour with friends and family at weekends. That is what most of my clients do too and some of these are the wealthiest and the most able MC. I just don't get this need to feel 'made' by having a top range car, private schools, two five star holidays a year etc. People just have the wrong idea.

You have the best gift : self awareness and a desire to help your children have the very best available to them.

It doesn’t mean you’re envious or warrant people talking to you as condescendingly as they have. It means you care.

Take that energy to give them the best, firstly I still confidence with your love and interest and then provide whatever enriching experiences you can which is probably more than you can imagine.

Two people:

One reads Shakespeare, likes classical music and enjoys an evening at the Royal Opera House, heads up a finance department, is a member of the Royal Horticultural Society, is married to a classical music teacher, has a dc who works in the RAF, knows some chief executives, cooks from scratch, has a muti-millionaire godparent, shops at Waitrose & Harrods, collects vintage jewellery, and has a friend who is a soloist with the Royal Ballet.

The other reads the back of cereal packets, likes rock music and watches pub bands a lot, works part-time in the back office of a warehouse, spends loads of time on eBay, is married to a delivery driver, has a dc who works in a coffee shop, knows cleaners and supermarket workers, cooks ready meals in a microwave, collects Pandora charms, shops in Aldi & Primark, and has a friend who is a tattooist.

So @Snoozyschoozy and others - how would you classify those two people? Which one of them is working class, and which is middle?

Because I'm baffled.

Surely this is to do with money not class? I'm middle class but can't affird Caribbean holidays, Christmas activities etc! Luckily lots of Christmas activities are free.

You're totally right. I know some people with more millions than they know what to do with, and they think they're middle class, but they're not.

There is no way in life to make everything ‘fair’. Things vary based on how much money your parents have but also on how loving they are or how much time they have available. Just do what you can and don’t develop a chip on your shoulder about people from poorer backgrounds not being able to do as well or fit in with more privileged people. You will find that in most companies there is a mix of successful people from all backgrounds - you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not.

I'm jealous of those people!!!

We are having to stop some of the activities due to cost.

You will find that in most companies there is a mix of successful people from all backgrounds - you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not.
Exactly this. I've worked in a line of work where there was a range of people, including some very wealthy people and found it much easier to be respected for being myself than in other environments.

I've never been openly disparaged for opening my admitting I don't know the first thing about horses and polo, but have been mocked for not following the latest TV series and been mockingly asked what I do with my evenings.

Some people are very insecure.

It’s pointless anyway. The posh people I know (as in, titled old money types) don’t drive fancy cars, love shopping at B&M and most of them holiday in the U.K. over skiing/Caribbean.

But does being unable to afford something make you a lower class of person than someone who can?

No.

Lost amongst the class debate is how much a little money smoothes the way.

It's been commented elsewhere that if you don't have much money coming in, managing it, the worry, the looking for best deals etc can be like a second job in itself.

People who are juggling to that extent are not necessarily going to have the energy and mental headspace to search out free and inexpensive opportunities for their children that others would just lay out a bit of cash on. People with a little more cash to buffer them aren't having their energy zapped with that mental load.