Hi all.
I would ideally like some support in keeping my gob shut at work.
Some details fudged as this could be outing but the principles are the same.
I am retraining in quite a tough career to get into and have a part time, entry level position working with those who do what I hope will be my eventual job (not necessarily the same dept). There is a chance I will come across them as part of my training or early career. I'm actually in the same broader organisation I will be in when I qualify (public sector).
Most of the team are great and I love the work. Exception is the most senior male member of staff, who is the only other male in our dept except a trainee and a couple of temps I see occasionally.
His 'sense of humour' is really winding me up. He likes to throw his weight around and say things to junior staff such as me 'in jest' that would amount to bullying if serious. Things such as 'are you going to cry', criticism in front of clients for things I have not done, and barking orders. Im not going into loads of detail but it is constant.
Most other staff, including my manager, moan a lot about him andcare sometimes upset, but it is tolerated as 'his sense of humour' because he is very experienced. Me, I was quite senior before I left to retrain (not as senior as him), in another industry, and am appalled at his behaviour, mostly because he does not treat counterparts, men, or seniors this way. It genuinely affects morale. His ways of working seem designed to put pressure on juniors and cause a fuss, simply because he is 'the great I Am'. He can wind it back and be quite charming when he thinks he's gone too far so i think it is deliberate. I think he just likes being able to affect people's morale and mood.
I have a thick skin, i don't go home and cry, it is the principle I am bothered about.
I mentioned it to my manager and she said she would be more than happy to escalate it if I put something in writing but this was only after one or two incidents and I wasn't prepared to rock the boat so early. She implied that she's well aware of his behaviour but can't act without a formal complaint.
I'm just not sure what to do. I've tried smiling and nodding, asking seriously what he wants doing, responding to his jokes which he likes to a point, but I don't want 'banter' in front of clients when he's always the one making the jokes at others' expense. It's tedious and unprofessional. I've also seen that he likes making the jokes but not taking them so I have pulled back, in case I go too far in his opinion and he creates a problem.
He's been in the job a long time and to be fair, is very competent. He just behaves like a bully boy to juniors, who don't want to risk their jobs.
I think the right course of action on balance given my future is to keep quiet, but this is not my strong point when I see this sort of behaviour. I don't like to ignore this sort of high handed nonsense, but I won't 'win' and could affect my future career, potentially. If he was gunning for me and i made a mistake, then I got a disciplinary or the sack then it would be for the same larger employer as when I qualify and it could be a serious issue.
I'm honestly not going into more specific detail, but does anyone have any strategies for zoning it out or managing this when he is putting me or others down?
The temptation is to ask him what male seniors or contemporaries have said in the past to his jokes but I feel this would be unwise.
I hate being in the position of not wanting to cross some tosspot but here I am.