help me come up with a good one liner

[lazybiatcrh]

my friends awful partner will be joining us on a long weekend next weekend.
if she is even out of his sight for a minute he starts crying out really loudly "where is lazy?" As if she's been sucked off the face of the earth . Usually she's just gone to the loo.
this happens every single time we are out. I just roll my eyes but it would love to have a witty reply at the ready.
Any ideas very welcome!!

I wouldn’t go with worry, I’d just respond “why?” every time you can.

Wheres lazy?
Who are you talking about?
Liz. I call her that.
Why?
Oh it’s just a joke I think is funny.
Why?

Ad infinitum.

yes i can try that? but then he'll answer me!

That’s the point.

He'll keeping answering until eventually he’s just saying the absurd things he’s thinking.

He sounds really possessive

He's the worlds most annoying person .
I think he's a controlling psycho but she seems mesmerised by him!!

“Mummy’s just nipped to the toilet, sweetheart, she won’t be long.”
With a concerned expression on your face while talking to a toddler. Even offer him a Kleenex in case he is about to cry.

If they met on online, say ‘She’s just gone to email POF to ask if she can have a refund!’

Haha love this.

"Probably mid-shit. Why?"

ha these are cheering me up no end!!
And as he does it every time sees out of sight i can try all approaches

Him "Where's lazy"
You "She's gone to Webs"
Him "Where's Webs?"
You "Up a spider's backside"

Does he actually call her lazy? Or is that just the name you picked because of your user name because there might be other things you can say every time he calls her lazy.

When she leaves the room I'd be tempted to say, "oooh, is she not giving you enough attention is that why you can't cope if she's out of sight? Weird".
Or
"You're right, she's totally getting a shag on with a random stranger in the 5 minutes it's taken her to go to the toilet."
Or
"It's like going through the super clingy phase with my toddler listening to you."

I was also coming to ask, does he actually call her Lazy?

Or were you referring to your username?

no he doesn't call her lazy.
he uses her name !!
we were out at a art gallery with them and had said we'd meet at the exit rather than all stick together.
we unfortunately bumped into him when there was still a short walk to go . he kept on and on where is Lazy? Where can she be?
when we met her at the exact spot we'd arranged he actually said " i was the only person concerned about where you were!!"
VOMIT

If he is calling her Lazy,

"Where is Lazy" ?

"I am looking at him right now"

😄like this!

Avoid any comments that hint at him being possessive and out of order. If he's as controlling as you indicate, the less of a threat he sees you as, the better placed you are to support your friend when she starts to see him for what he is.

She's run off to join a circus.

love this!!
and i agree i have to be as nice as i can because he already controls who comes to the house!!!and it's HER house!!
He's a horror but she is very flattered i think . Her previous relationships haven't been great . but she's been v successful at work and I think he's a bit of a gold digger!!!

I’d buy one of those shit rainbow silicone toy things like bubble wrap and have it in my purse. I’d use the “Mummy’s billed into the loo for a wee wee” line and “Here, play with this while you wait…” and hand that over.

"WHERE'S LAZY?"
"Lazy? Oh she was looking for you. She headed to the beach/town/shop. You should go and look for her!"

Take your phone out and phone lazy, and when she asks why tell her mcboyfriend is asking me. Then when she says "I'm on the loo" turn to him deadpan and say "she's on the loo."

" where do you think she is?"
His answer
"Maybe, maybe not, maybe we'll never know"

Is it possible he has social anxiety that I have heard being mentioned on here?

definitely not . What is the exact opposite? Social overconfidence???He is arrogant and takes himself very very seriously!!
I am now looking furward to trying some of these out. it's a few days so i may get to try them all out !!!!
it won't change anything but i'll feel good inside!!

Hm.
They are funny. But. I can't help feeling that if he is a manipulative psycho he'll take against you for the slightest thing you say that makes him feel belittled. And then he might take it out on your friend and probably try to stop her seeing you.

So I'd maybe just act up to the question too much, call her / call out her name / start looking. Don't let him know you have him sussed. Keep your enemies close. So you can be there for friend when she comes to her senses.