I regret putting my name down to attend work Christmas dinner 🤢

[asblindasabat]

My work’s Christmas dinner night out is coming up soon. Nobody else in my department is attending so I will be attending with people in other departments, I don’t really know many of them at all. Even the ones I do kind of know I don’t think I could sit and talk for hours on a night out.

I’m quite introverted and I’m already dreading it. Some might say that it is the perfect opportunity to get to know other people better, and I agree, but I can already envisage myself sitting there at the table not knowing what to say, fake laughing, awkwardly staying silent, tummy rumbling with nerves and then standing around like an idiot with nobody to talk to when everybody is drunk and up dancing as I won’t be drinking alcohol.

I can’t pull out though as I’ve already paid my money and I’ll not get it back. Part of me genuinely does want to go but then a big part of me is super nervous.

Anyone else the same as me and have any tips on how to survive the night out? Thanks

There'll be at least one other person in a similar position. Make a bee line for them and stick together!

You can pull out if you really can't face it. Yes you'll lose your money but you've lost it either way.

Why does having paid mean you can't pull out? Sunk costs fallacy. The money is already spent, so the question of whether you're going to go and have a crap time is unrelated.

Do you have to stay for the whole night?

Dinner is easier than dancing and drinks - because you can either be eating or talking about how good/bad the food tastes.

Can you then duck out after dinner is finished, claiming an early start? Or just do a French Exit and pop to the loo and leave without making a fuss?

Just giving yourself permission to go early if you aren't enjoying it, can be enough to relieve the pressue a bit.

You say a part if you wants to go so in that case I'd go. Everyone is chatty and sociable at Christmas parties so I'm sure you'll fine some friendly people to hang out with. Slap some glitter on your eyelids and go expecting to have a good time. And if it turns out to be a bit of a wash out you can always make your excuses and head home.

Go for food, leave afterwards. It's not obligatory to stand around watching everyone else drink and dance.

Of course you can pull out if you want to. You have paid for the meal either way. But if you don’t go you will save the cost of drinks and travel.

I used to force myself to go to these things and I absolutely hated them. I wish I’d had the courage to not go.

In your situation I’d pull out the day before because you have to babysit for your best friend / sister for her wedding anniversary meal. The one her mother was going to babysit for but she’s unwell.

Someone else might even use your ticket and give you the money back.

No doubt more constructive people will come along soon and give you tips on how to be the life and soul of the party.

I hear you! I am quite extroverted but I don't enjoy things like this. I always arrive with an exit plan - sometimes I'll mention it early on too e.g. I need to leave by x time because I'm picking my husband/kid up/feeding a pet etc. If you've got kids you could say you need to be back for a babysitter.

I also try to remember to ask people questions - not in an intrusive way, keep it light e.g. what are you doing for Christmas - as a way to keep the conversation going without having to actually have lots to say yourself. Depending on how well you know people you can think up questions to ask them, so if you know someone has children at school ask if they are doing a nativity, if you don't know them at all ask how long they've worked at the company. It's small talk but it should get you through it!

Didn’t you know that no one else in your department would be attending?

You don't have to tell lies or be "the life and soul of the party".

You can just not go or pull out without excuses or explanation.

You can go for dinner. Perhaps you could ask if you can be seated next to someone else on their own or at any rate not at a table with a whole different team who all know each other. You might have a better time than you think.

You can certainly leave before the drunk dancing part.

You'll save spending less money by not going. No drinks, no new top, blah blah. No way would I go on a work night out without close colleagues. If you really think you should go, persuade one of your closer colleagues to go so you have a wingman.

Why does having paid mean you can't pull out? Sunk costs fallacy

This - or have an early exit plan.

I've been to so awful ones - knew everyone there are still got ignored stopped going after that to social things and then got berated for that. Nicest one was just a meal at dinner time with people in office - don't currently have them at all and much prefer.

Go for a bit. You might meet new people, have a good time. You can leave at any time.

Go for food and then leave

If there’s a bit of you wants to go then go. You can leave early. Just slip away if needs be. I’d go, people are generally nice a5 Christmas. If there’s a few people you know a little bit maybe ask them to save a chair for you?

I work on construction sites so a lot of time is spent going on various do's with the sub contractors when they invite the team out (they don't think anything of inviting a team of 20 out at £80 a head) for a meal and drinks and also the contractor at Xmas for a nice meal or whatever, luckily we never had to pay for it as they would sell the scrap metal off site and use the proceeds for a good night out!

When I was younger I used to enjoy it, and have been on some fabby night outs but I would also be very nervous on the run up because I felt the same as you, especially as I was usually the only woman on the team so unless I knew one or two of the lads really well and could have a long conversation with them without any awkward silences, I used to feel a bit like a fish out of water.

I'm sure that there will be colleague there that will feel the same as you so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just relax and have fun.

Fake last min illness and pull out?

they make you pay to attend your Christmas dinner! jeez how mean

Pull out. The money’s spent anyway. You don’t have to endure being miserable for a night. For the same money you can have a night on your sofa. Which sounds preferable?

OP might be public sector. There would be uproar if people's taxes were being used to pay for a Christmas do. We can't even accept a box of biscuits at Christmas for fear of doing the wrong thing never mind a whole night out

Sunk cost. Juts pull out.

I am in a similar position myself: they've put our team with a bunch of people we don't know. I don't even know these people's names, let alone them! Going to be very awkward

Turn up, chow down the food and then go home.

Whats the worst that could happen if you do go? If you pull out you will feel short term relief, you might be initially really happy you don't have to go through with it. The problem is, you'll miss out on any benefits you may have gotten from the experience ...the food might be really good, you might end up sitting next to a lovely person and have a great conversation, you might dress up, do your hair and feel great about yourself. It might not be the best night of your life but you might surprise yourself. You'll also be less likely to avoid these sorts of situations in the future.

Turn up either have dinner or ask for a doggy bag & eat it at home...